


Voretron Leg'n'dairy Defendoor, but better

by hootnooot



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam (Voltron) Lives, Allura & Keith (Voltron) Friendship, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Allura (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Matt Holt, Chatting & Messaging, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone else is in college, F/F, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff and Angst, Gay Adam (Voltron), Gay Disaster Shiro (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Heith - Freeform, Human Allura (Voltron), Human Lotor (Voltron), Human Shay (Voltron), Hunk & Keith (Voltron) Friendship, Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hunk & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Its A Chat Fic Yall, Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lesbian Romelle (Voltron), Light Angst, Lotura - Freeform, M/M, Minor Allura/Lotor (Voltron), Minor Allura/Romelle (Voltron), Multi, Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), Past Allura/Lotor (Voltron), Past Matt Holt/Shiro, Pidge | Katie Holt is Savage, Pining Allura (Voltron), Pining Hunk (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), Protective Shiro (Voltron), Sassy Pidge | Katie Holt, Shadam, Shiro is a big boy, Space Mom Allura (Voltron), Texting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Romelle (Voltron), adashi, allura/shay - Freeform, allura/shay/romelle, plance, shay/romelle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2019-08-08 12:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 40,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16429778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hootnooot/pseuds/hootnooot
Summary: One day Pidge randomly decides that she wants a squad.It's all downhill from there.lank: i just saw an ad for hot pocketslank:andlank:I read it aslank: "thot pockets"lank: and I h8 myselfburb: THOT POCKETSkink: Petition to rename hot pockets to thot pocketsBonk:secondedDaddy: I thought thots were a different type of pocketallurable: sHIRO NO





	1. Hewwo

**Author's Note:**

> Yall, the Rad Sad is great and all, but this,,,THIS will be peak meme central. aka: i made this cuz I wanted to (and also because I was planning on ending my other fic, oops)

 

**_Katie Holt added Hunk Garrett and Lance McClain to the group_ **

**Katie Holt:** sup butt munchers

**_Katie Holt changed their name to Pidge_ **

**_Katie Holt changed Lance McClain's name to Blue Boi_ **

**_Katie Holt changed Hunk Garrett's name to Sunshine_ **

**Blue Boi** : owo?

**_Pidge kicked Blue Boi_ **

**Sunshine** : oh my word

 **Pidge** : now that the evil has been defeated

**_Pidge added Keith Kogane, Takashi Shirogane, and Allura Altea to the group_ **

**_Pidge changed Keith Kogane's name to red boyo_ **

**_Pidge changed Takashi Shirogane's name to Shiro_ **

**_Pidge changed Allura Altea's name to Allura_ **

**_Pidge named the group_ ** **_So No Head_ ** **_?_ **

**Shiro** : well, hello everyone

 **Allura** : hello all

 **Sunshine** : Hiiiii!!

 **Allura** : hi!

 **Shiro** : Hello!

 **Pidge** : Keith? you there, bud?

 **red boyo** : no

 **Pidge** : terrific

**_Pidge added Blue Boi back to the chat!_ **

**Blue Boi** : that was slander

 **Sunshine** : well, the definition of slander is actually a false or misspoken statement

 **Blue Boi** : shhhhhhh

 **red boyo** : …

 **Blue Boi** : ...

 **red boyo** : well this is awkward, one of us _has_ to change

 **Blue Boi** : fucc off

 **Allura** : succ

 **Blue Boi** : kucc

 **Shiro** : nope, we are not doing this

 **red boyo:** …

**_red boyo changed Shiro’s name to Takashit_ **

**red boyo** : I feel better now

 **Takashit** : Keith,

 **Pidge:** I knew I gave you mod powers for a reason

 **red boyo** : (:

 **Allura** : no, that's wrong

 **Blue Boi:** :]

 **Pidge** : what have I started?

 **Sunshine** : good question

 **Sunshine** : _better_ question

 **Sunshine** : _why have you started this?_

 **Pidge** : oH

 **Pidge** : well I'm friends with you all, right?

 **Allura** : of course!

 **Takashit** : yessum

 **red boyo** : I was forced to be friends with you

 **Sunshine** : yeah, DUH

 **Blue Boi:** sadly.

 **Pidge** : awful, the whole lot of you

 **Sunshine** : :(

 **Allura** : ;(

 **Pidge** : everyone but Hunk and Allura

 **Blue Boi** : :[

 **Pidge** : :}

 **Takashit:** this system is racist and homophobic

 **Pidge:** omg

 **red boyo:** Pidge, why are you attacking gay Asians?

 **Pidge:** why are you being a little bitch?

 **Takashit:** its a talent

 **Pidge:** sigh

 **Pidge:** anyway

 **Pidge** : I started this because I was watching squad vlogs on YouTube and got sad.

 **red boyo** : I've been friends with you for 8 years?

 **Pidge** : shhhh, Cocaine, I want a _squad_

 **red boyo:** well _my_ bad

 **Pidge:** smh

 **Pidge** : speaking of cocaine

 **Takashit** : No.

 **Allura** : drugs are bad, school is rad.

 **Pidge** : everyone introduce yourselves

 **Takashit** : Oh.

 **Takashit** : ..hoW DOES THAT RELATE TO COCAINE

 **Pidge** : shhh

 **Pidge** : topic changer

 **Allura** : thank the heavens

 **Pidge** : allura, you start

 **Allura** : Ah! Ok!

 **Allura** : my name is Allura, she/her, pan. I'm a Junior at Voltron University. I have 3 pet mice, white hair, and I _can_ bench press you.

 **Allura:** also, Keith is my lover

 **red boyo:** I did not consent to this

 **Blue Boi** : rest in penises

 **red boyo** : I wanna fight you

 **Blue Boi** : square up thot

 **red boyo:** bet

 **Pidge** : Keith! Shut up and introduce yourself!

 **red boyo** : smh, fine

 **red boyo** : Keith, he/him, gay as fuck. Sophomore at VU. Uhhhh I work at Altea flowers, Allura is my boss, not my lover. I’m not interesting, uh, I’m an astrology major. So that's,,,,yeah

 **red boyo:** Shiro is my pussy older brother

 **Takashit:** you are what you eat

 **red boyo:** I said pussy, not dick

 **Takashit:** you’re right, you’re right

 **red boyo:** I always am

 **Allura:** FALSEHOOD

 **red boyo:** ):

 **Pidge:** I regret this greatly.

 **Blue Boi:** Sucks to suck

 **Red boyo:** depends on what you’re sucking

 **Takashit:** KEITH

 **red boyo:** heh

 **Pidge:** Oh my god.

 **Blue Boi:** I

 **Blue Boi:** ok

 **Pidge:** Lance, please introduce yourself

 **Blue Boi:** gotcha

 **Blue Boi:** Lance McClain, sophomore at VU, majoring in Marine Biology. Sharks are better than dolphins. I’m Bi, he/him, Cuban, and most of the time a mess. I work at The Yellow Cafe, Hunk’s moms are my bosses and I’m on the swim team,,yeah,,, that's all.

 **Sunshine:** gotta love my best friend

 **Sunshine:** Look at him go

 **Sunshine:** beautiful

 **Blue Boi:** Hunk my man, I love you

 **Sunshine:** I love you too, bro

 **Allura:** that was beautiful

 **Blue Boi:** our bromance is a better romance than Romeo and Juliet

 **Sunshine:** WELL I WOULD SURE HOPE SO

 **Allura:** hrfjdksldjfgr

 **Takashit:** I can already feel the amount of sighs I’m gonna release because of this group chat.

 **Pidge:** smh, old man, your turn

 **Takashit:** I’m 7 years older than you?

 **Pidge:** OLD MAN, YOUR TURN

 **Takashit:** don’t yell at me, I’m fragile

 **Allura:** his aging bones can’t take it

 **Takashit:** I hate you

 **Allura:** ;P

 **Takashit:** anyway

 **Takashi:** My name is Takashi Shirogane, please call me Shiro. I’m a graduate of Voltron University, currently trying to open my own business. It’s getting there,,,,somehow. I’m gay, he/him. I have little to no hobbies, and I can bench press Allura

 **Allura:** I swooned right into his arms

 **Takashit:** stop that right now

 **Takashit:** also Keith is my bitch ass little bro

 **red boyo:** you said “you are what you eat” but I haven’t eaten ass in a hot minute

 **Pidge:** K E I TH

  


**_Bro_ **

 

 **Shark Bro:** bro, that’s Takashi Shirogane

 **Rock Bro:**  I know, he just said that

 **Shark Bro:** you don’t understand

 **Shark Bro:** that man is like, my hero

 **Shark Bro:** he holds the record for the fastest backstroke on campus

 **Shark Bro:** he’s like,,,,amazing

 **Rock Bro:** Lance, I can see your fangirl boner, put it away

 **Shark Bro:** sorry sorry, but I’ve been trying to beat his record for 3 years and I haven’t even gotten close

 **Rock Bro:** I SAID PUT THE BONER AWAY

 **Shark Bro:** IM SORRY, DAMN OK

  


**_So No Head??_ **

**Takashit:** Keith, you are a dishonor to our family

 **Allura** : and to our cow

 **red boyo:** ):

 **Sunshine:** I like Keith

 **Sunshine:** Keith is funny

 **red boyo:** thank you Hunk, I already have the need to protect you

 **Pidge:** Keith failed to mention his knife collection

 **red boyo:** I feel exposed

 **Blue Boi:** [Insert worlds tiniest violin here]

 **red boyo:** this isn’t a safe space

 **Blue Boi:** wump

 **Blue Boi:** ,,,,Hunk should introduce himself now

 **Sunshine:** gasp

 **Sunshine:** I should

 **Sunshine:** Hi!!! My name’s Hunk (he/him). I’m a sophomore at VU, I also work at The Yellow Cafe, my mom's own the place. I’m pansexual! Um, I’m majoring in Mechanical Engineering, and yeah. I also cook a lot, my goal in life is to challenge Gordon Ramsay to a cook-off.  

 **Pidge:** hunk is also super buff, my goal is to get him, Allura, and Shiro into a room together and see what happens.

 **Blue Boi:** bet that they’ll just talk about pastries and take turns braiding Allura’s hair

 **red boyo:** lol probably, Shiro sometimes makes me sit down so he can braid my hair

 **Takashit:** It’s a nice stress reliever, Keith

 **red boyo:** fucking lozer

 **Blue Boi:** l o z e r

 **red boyo:** its with a z so it’s cool

 **Pidge:** Keith, omg is your hair really that long now

 **red boyo:** _I never break a pack_

 **Blue Boi:** ,,,,what

 **red boyo:** Nothing.

 **Pidge:** Nothing,

 **Allura:** oh worm?

 **Pidge:** ,,,anyway

 **Allura:** :{

 **Pidge:** I guess it’s my turn to introduce myself even tho you all know and love me

 **Allura:** well,,,,

 **Pidge:** SHUT

 **Allura:** owo

 **Pidge:** n o

 **Blue Boi:** OWO

**_Pidge kicked Blue Boi and Allura_ **

**_Sunshine added Blue Boi and Allura_ **

**Allura:** W O R M

 **Blue Boi:** hmph

 **Pidge:** ahem,

 **Pidge:** Hi, My name is Katie, feel free to call me Pidge, she/them I am a freshie at VU, majoring in Computer Science, I will one day take over the world.

 **Blue Boi:** I can’t wait for that day

 **Pidge:** Lance, I’m not gonna kill you

 **Blue Boi:** whyyyyy nooooot

 **Pidge:** because I love you

 **Blue Boi:** awwww

 **Blue Boi:** I love you too pigeon

  


**_Bro_ **

 

 **Rock Bro:** _you can’t see me but I’m wiggling my eyebrows_

 **Shark Bro:** KNOCK IT OFF

 **Shark Bro:** that was like, 2 years ago, we’re past this

 **Rock Bro:** _are you sure about that?_

 **Shark Bro:** this is online harassment

 **Rock Bro:** would you like it to be real life harassment?

 **Shark Bro:** bls no

 **Shark Bro:** I will call the popo

 **Rock Bro:** when I was a kid I didn’t know that the “popo” meant police and for some reason, I thought it meant people on bikes

 **Rock Bro:** so whenever I saw someone on a bike I ran inside crying

 **Shark Bro:** why are you like this

 **Rock Bro:** “pidge makes my heart go _doki-doki”_

 **Shark Bro:** 2

 **Shark Bro:** F U C K I N G

 **Shark Bro:** Y E A R S

 **Shark Bro:** A G O

 **Rock Bro:** DOKI DOKI

  


**_So No Head?_ **

**Allura:** I can’t wait to get to know you Hunk and Lance!

 **Takashit:** ditto, I only know pidge and Keith

 **red boyo:** shiro has no friends

 **Takashit:** and you do?

 **red boyo:**.,,,,ditto

 **Sunshine:** well, you’re in luck!

 **Sunshine:** you already have 1 new friend! And his name is Hunk!

 **red boyo:** I think I’m in love with Hunk

 **Blue Boi:** get in line

 **Blue Boi:** but seriously, you guys seem cool, can’t wait to get closer

 **Pidge:** I have created my own vlog squad

 **Allura:** oh god this is gonna be a disaster

 **Takashit:** I can feel my hair getting whiter

 **Allura:** I can feel my hair getting whiter

 **Takashit:** ,,,,

 **Allura:** ,,,,

 **Takashit:** GET OUTTA MY HEAD

 **Allura:** its so dark in here.

 **Takashit:** you get used to it after a while

 **red boyo:** shiro, go take your afternoon nap

 **Takashit:** no,

 **Allura:** he already had it

 **Takashit:** I hate everyone here except Hunk and Lance

 **Blue Boi:** I’m honored

 **red boyo:** you shouldn’t be.

 **Sunshine:** gasp! Thank you shiro! I like you too

 **Takashit:** I will protect you with my life

 **Allura:** Hunk's worth way more than that shiro, smh

 **Takashit:** ,,,,,I'm gonna go take a second-afternoon nap

 **red boyo:** leave the wine in the kitchen,

 **Takashit:** no, fuck you

 **Takashit:** I deserve this wine

 **Takashit:** I deserve to be treated with respect 

 **Pidge:** shut up

 **Takashit:** I dedicate my whole life to god, and this is the thanks I get?

 **red boyo:** brb, bout to murk him

 **Takashit:** finally

 **Allura:** SHIRO NO

 **Pidge:** I Have So Many Regrets

 **Takashit:** my biggest regret is Keith

 **red boyo:** I-

 **Blue Boi:** TFGYHUIJK

 **Pidge:** its ok, Keith, I love you

 **Pidge:** shiro? choke.

 **Takashit:** gladly

 **Allura:** OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Sunshine:** so,,,,,what's everyone's favorite type of pie?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I was the dancing queen


	2. twink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A New Fighter Has Arrived??????????
> 
> Some selfies are shared
> 
> General group chat bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PLANNED ON UPDATING MY OTHER FIC BUT THIS BITCH WAS CALLING TO ME

**_So No Head?_ **

 

**red boyo:** hello all,

**Pidge:** ,,,, _ what _

**red boyo:** pidge,

**red boyo:** katherine

**red boyo:** pigeon.

**Pidge:** omg, what

**red boyo:** katie, i come with a message from Matt

**Pidge:** ah, Thoticus Maximus. 

**Takashit:** this can’t be good

**Blue Boi:** ,,,whats going on?

**Takashit:** shhhh, my son, better to just...not question it

**Blue Boi:** ok, dad

**Takashit:** I like this one.

**Allura:** sigh

**red boyo:** anywhoselems

**Takashit:** I didn’t raise you like this

**red boyo:** you’re not my dad

**Takashit:** fine, order your own take-out then

**red boyo:** I WILL

**Blue Boi:** TFYGUHIJ

**Sunshine:** you guys live together?

**Takashit:** we’re neighbors. 

**Sunshine:** ah

**red boyo:** sadly

**Takashit:** bitch

**red boyo:** anyway

**red boyo:** Matt says that you deserve to suck a phat dick because he wasn’t invited 

**Pidge:** did he tell you to say “fat but ph fat”

**red boyo** : you already know the answer to that

**Takashit** : don't you dare add him

**Allura:** whomst’ve?

**Sunshine:** oh my

**Blue Boi:** Allura, you’re perfect. Never change

**Allura:** ;*

**red boyo:** I just gagged

**Allura:** I’ll give you something to gag on

**red boyo** : ,,,,,

**red boyo** : WAS THAT A THREAT OR,,

**Allura:** yes

**red boyo** : I’m quitting my job

**Allura:** you only work here for the aesthetic 

**Blue Boi:** #exposed

**red boyo:** I’ll shove a cactus down your throat

**Blue Boi:** kinky

**Pidge:** I already have so many regrets

**Takashit** : join the club, we have jackets

**Allura:** k, but seriously

**Allura:** whomst est Matt

**Pidge:** my bitch ass big bro

**red boyo:**  don't talk about him like that, I love him

**Pidge** : he's also Keith's roommate/gay lover

**red boyo:** he's a twink but it's ok because I love him

**Allura:** how have I never met him?

**red boyo** : I don't allow you in my home

**red boyo:** home-wrecker

**Allura:** YOU SLEEP WITH A MARRIED GUY ONCE AND THIS IS THE SLANDER YOU GET

**Blue Boi** :..... _ what _

**Allura:** shhh, it's ok love

**Blue Boi** :  **_what_ **

**red boyo:** I don't want Allura coming up into my home and stealing my mans

**Allura** : you're just scared because you know I can snatch anyone I please

**red boyo** : that, and Matt's a hoe

**Pidge** : rgyfhuids

**Sunshine:** are you guys really dating?

**red boyo:** pssh nah, he’s too old

**Pidge:** that won’t stop Allura

**Allura:** HE WAS 34

**Blue Boi:** oh my god, amazing. I stan a queen

**Sunshine:** Lance, don’t act like you haven’t slept with an older man

**Blue Boi:** CHARLES WAS 28, ITS NOT THAT OLD

**Pidge:** OH MY GOD WHAT RGYGFHUDSJ

**Blue Boi:** _plus he wasn’t married, he was engaged_

**Allura:** Lance, we should go out for coffee sometime

**Blue Boi:** and try on married men?

**Allura:** just to see what fits well

**Pidge:** I should have known that you two would become an unstoppable force. 

**Sunshine:** ,,,,back to this Matt fellow

**red boyo:** he’s also Shiro’s ex

**Takashit;** listen,

**Blue Boi:** TFYGUHIJOKL

**Takashit:** we dated for a few months and then we both decided that we’re better as friends. 

**red boyo:** he also has a gf, so

**red boyo:** he’s also a fucking nerd

**Pidge:** excuse you, he’s a genius

**Sunshine:** oh my

**Pidge:** he taught me everything I know

**Sunshine:** _so I have him to thank for almost killing me 18 times_

**Pidge:** LISTEN

**_red boyo added Matthew Holt_ **

**_red boyo changed Matthew Holt’s name to Twink_ **

**Twink:** really babe?

**red boyo:** ily

**Takashit:** i told you not to add him

**Twink:** hello my darling bitch

**Takashit:** whats up you pale fucker

**Twink:** nothing much, whats up with you, ass-eater

**Takashit:** y’know, just the usual

**red boyo:** you guys watched Glee together yesterday

**red boyo:** you’re talking like you haven’t seen each other in months

**Takashit:** stop exposing me, you bitch

**Blue Boi:** GFHJJKL

**Blue Boi:** ok, but Jonathan Groff can eat my ass

**Twink:** _I like this o_ ne

**Takashit:** this is why I told you not to add him

**Allura:** owo, whats this

**_Pidge kicked Allura_ **

**_Sunshine added Allura_ **

**Blue Boi:** STOP KICKING ALLURA FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC

**Allura:** Lance, ily

**Blue Boi:** <3

**Twink:** gasp, is this the Allura that is trying to steal my Keefums

**Blue Boi:** KEEFUMS

**red boyo:** I’ll choke you

**Blue Boi:** kinky

**Allura:** tis I

**Allura:** me, the #1 ass-eater

**Takashit:** I beg to differ. 

**red boyo:** Allura, why haven’t you eaten my ass?

**Allura:** come over, smh

**red boyo:** ,,,, _ can I actually, I want some cuddles _

**Allura:** BET

**Blue Boi:** whoever told me that Keith Kogane was a "bad boy" and that "you shouldn't mess with Kogane" is a fucking pussy liar

**red boyo:** HA

**Sunshine:** people are so scared of you,,,, _ what did you do _

**red boyo:** set Zarkons car on fire and punched that James bitch

**Takashit:** _he deserved it_

**Allura:** smh

**Twink:** my boo is so hot

**red boyo:** how would Nocara think of this?

**Twink:** ,,,, _ shit _

**Pidge:** you fucking hoe

**Twink:** aww, I love you too, my darling sister

**Pidge:** ily2 you beautiful disaster 

**Blue Boi:** soff

**Pidge:** I’ll show you soft

**Blue Boi:** ,,,,WAS THAT A THREAT OR 

**Pidge:** yes

**red boyo:** welcome to the Bitch club

**red boyo:** you now are a powerful females bitch. 

**Allura:** my bitch is the best bitch

**Pidge:** bet, Lance you’re my bitch now

**Blue Boi:** sweet

**Takashit:** hunk, can I be your bitch?

**Sunshine:** sure!!!

**Takashit:** I would do anything for you. 

**Takashit:** if anything happened to Hunk I would violently kill everyone on this planet 

**Allura:** war machine Shiro

**Sunshine:** _I don’t want people to die :(_

**Takashit:** IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO HUNK I WOULD VIOLENTLY PLANT FLOWERS EVERYWHERE

**Takashit:** and also punch a few people

**Sunshine:** better

**Takashit:** :)))))))))

**Twink:** the more smiles you add the more double chins I see

**Blue Boi:** chubby smiley

**Allura:** thats so precious, I love it

**Sunshine:** me

**Blue Boi:** my bro, it just means that you have more hug space. 

**Sunshine:** you right

**Blue Boi:** Hunk is the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and I Will Fight Anyone Who Says Otherwise

**Takashit:** I haven’t even seen what Hunk looks like but I think he’s perfect

**Pidge:** GASP

**Pidge:** WE SHOULD SEND SELFIES 

**Allura:** BET

**red boyo:** i’d rather not

**Allura:** Ill find one with Keith in it dgyhfjk

**red boyo:** traitor. 

**_Allura sent 7 images_ **

**Sunshine:** omg

**Sunshine:** YOU BOTH ARE SO BEAUTIFUL

**Sunshine:** kEITH YOUR FACE

**Sunshine:** WOW

**Sunshine:** ALLURA, YOU LOOK LIKE A GODDESS

  
  


**_Bro_ **

 

**Shark Bro:** OMF THEY’R BOTHS SO HAOT

**Shark Bro:** IM HAVIG A CRISIS

**Rock Bro:** lol

**Shark Bro:** THIS SISB NO LAUGHISN MATTER, MY BISEXAUL SELF IS SC EREAMIGN

**Rock Bro:** they are both hella attractive. .

**Shark Bro:** I might cry

**Rock Bro:** rip

**Shark Bro:** YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HELP

**Rock Bro:** HOW

**Shark Bro:b** good point

  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

**red boyo:** ghfdkj h u n k

**Allura:** thanks, I know

**Pidge:** THERES MY BEAUTIFUL EMO BITCH

**Pidge:** that jawline could cut diamonds 

**Allura:** AND HIS LIPS!!!!!

**Pidge:** HE HAS SUCH GOOD LIPS

**Twink:** THATS MY BABE

**Twink:** OMG, I SEE YOUR FACE EVERY DAY, BUT STILL

**Twink:** also, Allura, you fine as hell

**Pidge:** Allura could punch me and I’d thank her

**Allura:** I Know

**red boyo:** ygrhifjd

**red boyo:** stop this. 

**Allura:** never

**Allura:** anyway, here’s some of Shiro

**Takashit:** what

**_Allura sent 6 images_ **

**Takashit:** bitch

**Blue Boi:** HILY SHITS

**Twink:** i’ve tapped that ass

**Pidge:** Shiro is so fucking hot, wow

**Sunshine:** HOLY COW

**Sunshine:** YOUR  _ mUSCLES  _

**Sunshine:** I think Shiro just turned me fully gay 

**Takashit:** YGUFHIDJ

**Sunshine:** let me get some pictures of Lance and I

**Blue Boi:** what

**_Sunshine sent 11 images_ **

**Blue Boi:** ok, wow

**Twink:** OH MY GOD, I WOULD DEF TAP BOTH OF YOUR ASSES

**Allura:** HOLY SHIT, YOU BEAUTIFUL BOYS

**Takashit:** hunk, you look like a teddy bear, I’m crying

**Takashit:** actual ray of sunshine

**Allura:** LANCE, YOUR SKIN IS SO CLEAR, YOUR EYES, YOUR FUCKING FRECKLES, YOUR FUCKING JAW, YOUR HAIR, BITCH WTF YOU’RE PERFECT

**red boyo:** ngl, I lowkey choked. 

**red boyo:** you’re both so beautiful

**Blue Boi:** hjfdk thanks

  
  


**_Thotty Party_ **

 

**Kooth:** HOW IS LANCE SO PRETTY

**Kooth:** I’VE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE THAT BEAUTIFUL

**Olloo:** wow, ok

**Olloo:** BUT YEAH, HOW THE FUCK

**Kooth:** my gay-ass is crying

**Olloo:** bitch, he’s so perfect

**Kooth:** I wanna tap that

**Olloo:** KEITH

**Kooth:** YOU WERE THINKING IT TOO

**Olloo:** welL,YEAH. 

**Kooth:** this is unfair, his face is unfair

**Olloo:** look at how tall he is

**Kooth:** I just nutted

**Olloo:** TFYGUHIJ

**Olloo:** lowkey me too

**Kooth:** gufhijd

  
  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

**Pidge:** I LOVE MY BOYS

**Pidge:** My best boys

**Pidge:** anyway, here’s some of me

**_Pidge sent 4 images_ **

**Twink:** THATS MY SISTER

**Blue Boi:** Pidge, you keep getting prettier, its unfair

**Pidge:** gryfhueidj Lance, what rghufdsiajk

**Sunshine:** omg, look at that beautiful gal

**Takashit:** I’m crying, Katie you’re so grown

**red boyo:** I’m so in love with you

**Allura:** THATS MY FAVORITE GIRL

**Pidge:** gyfuhijdo

  
  


**_Bro_ **

 

**Rock Bro:** I am viciously wiggling my brows

**Shark Bro:** shut your whole face. 

**Rock Bro:** huehue

  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

**Twink:** my turn, I guess

**_Twink sent 3 images_ **

**red boyo:** I’m so in love with this bitch

**Takashit:** I’ve tapped that ass

**Allura:** hOT DAMN BOY

**Allura:** YOU AND YOUR SEXY ASS

**Blue Boi:** matt, u hot

**Twink:** grfhj thanks

**Sunshine:** this is one attractive group of people.

**Takashit:** hunks the prettiest 

**Allura:** agreed

**red boyo:** yeah

**Blue Boi:** bet

**Twink:** seconded

**Pidge:** a perfect human being

**Sunshine:** fryghudijs GUYS

**Allura:** owo

**_Pidge kicked Allura_ **

**_Blue Boi added Allura_ **

**Blue Boi:** STOP KICKING ALLURA FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC

**Pidge:** NO, FUCK YOU. 

**Takashit:** sigh

**Takashit:** time for my afternoon nap. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I was the dancing queen


	3. *gasp* a d a m

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER NEW PLAYER????????????
> 
> some owo talk if ya know what I mean 
> 
> mostly just them messing around ngl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall, this shit be whack.

 

**_So No Head???_ **

 

 **Pidge:** I went to target with Allura and Keith

 **Blue Boi:** and?

 **Pidge:** and

**_Pidge sent an image: fucking furries. jpg_ **

**Sunshine** : ,,,,,is that Allura,,,,wearing a unicorn head

 **Sunshine** : and,,,,is that Keith drinking starbucks, crouching next to her and wearing clout glasses.

 **red boyo** : god, I'm an icon

 **Allura** : i'M NOT A FURRy

 **Twink:** THIS PHOTO SAYS OTHERWISE

 **Twink:** keith ily, you icon

 **red boyo:** ily2 bitch

 **Blue Boi:** you guys are whild

 **Allura:** [ _wheeze_ ] W H I L D

 **Blue Boi:** jes

 **Allura:** J E S S S HGHIRFERJ

 **Blue Boi:** ye

 **Allura:** Lance, I’m gonna marry you someday

 **Blue Boi:** sounds groovy

 **red boyo:** you did NOT just say “sounds groovy”

 **Blue Boi:** No, I didn’t say it, I typed it

 **Takashit:** TFGYUHI MY S O N

 **red boyo:** I

 **Sunshine:** heathens, all of you

 **Sunshine:** whomst the frick frack says “groovy”

 **Blue Boi:** me, bitch

 **Allura:** lance I’m in love with you

 **Blue Boi:** _sweet_

 **Sunshine:** wawaiaiaiiawait

 **Sunshine:** hold up

 **Twink:** holding the up

 **Sunshine:** ,,,keith,,,what does your shirt say on it

 **Blue Boi:** oH MY GOD TBGRHUFID

 **red boyo:** lol it says “fuck me like one of your french girls”

 **Sunshine:** Keith, I wanna marry you

 **red boyo:** lol, ok bet you beautiful boy

 **Sunshine:** shut up, you’re like, beautifuler

 **red boyo:** uh-uh you’re the prettiest boy ever

 **Pidge:** yall,,,,,,,take this gay shit somewhere else

 **Sunshine:** no

 **red boyo:** Hunk is my boyfriend now

 **Sunshine:** I would die for Keith

 **Blue Boi:** ,,,,what,,,,just happened

 **Allura:** Lance, we’re also dating now

 **Blue Boi:** _sweet_  


 

  
**_Alejandro_ ** **_  
_****_  
_ ** ***gasp* Adam:** lance, don’t forget that we have practice tomorrow 

 **Lalalalallalance:** thats bullshit

 ***gasp* Adam:** Lance, i stg, if you don’t show up I Will Tell Your Mother About Last Saturday

 **Lalalalallalance:** you bitch

 ***gasp* Adam:** :) you know it

 ***gasp* Adam:** anyway, what are you up to?

 **Lalalalallalance:** nothing, chilling in bed, talking to some friends

 ***gasp* Adam:** you have friends?

 **Lalalalallalance:** uuh, ye ah!!!

 ***gasp* Adam:** I don’t believe you

 **Lalalalallalance:** you want proof?

 ***gasp* Adam:** yes.

 **Lalalalallalance:** guess I’ll just add you to the gc

 ***gasp* Adam:** wait, Lance, no

 **Lalalalallalance:** ....yes 

 

 

**_So No Head???_ ** **_  
_****_  
_ ** ******_Blue Boi added Adam West to the group_**

 **_  
_ ** **Blue Boi:** yall this is my cousin adam, who didn’t believe I have friends

 **Adam West:** I didn’t ask to be here, I just asked for proof

 **red boyo:** ,,,, _Adam?_

 **Adam West:** ,,,,yes?

 **red boyo:** sup bitch ass mother bitch, four eyes mother fucker

 **Adam West:** ...Keith.

 **Takashit:** oh shit

 **Adam West:** _oh shit_

 **Adam West:** WELL THE INVITE WAS REALLY NICE BUT IMMA DASH NOW

 **Takashit:** GOODBYE, COME AGAIN

 **Takashit:** I MEAN, DON’T COME AGAIN

 **Takashit:** I MEAN, BYE

 **red boyo:** see you later, adam

 **red boyo:** I love you.

 **Adam West:** I will kill you in your sleep, Keith.

 

**_Adam West left the group_ **

**_  
_ ** **Blue Boi:** ,,,,what just

 **red boyo:** shiro is super gay for your cousin

 **Takashit:** SLANDER

 **Twink:** I MISSED ADAM

 **Pidge:** apparently,,,,who’s adam?

 **Takashit:** No One Important

 **red boyo:** I’m gonna tell him you said that

 **Takashit:** HE’S SOMEONE VERY IMPORTANT

 **red boyo:** disaster gay

 **Twink:** I love Adam, he’s a good dude

 **Blue Boi:** HOW DO YOU ALL KNOW MY COUSIN

 **Takashit:** Matt and I went to school with him

 **Twink:** Shiro and him were on the swim team together

 **Takashit:** yeah,,,that too

 **Blue Boi:** well, he’s the coach now

 **Takashit:** I know

 **Takashit:** I MEAN, THATS SO COOL, GOOD FOR HIM

 **Allura:** damn, I missed him

 **Takashit:** Allura, I don’t ever want you to meet him

 **Twink:** ,,,,,

**_Twink added Adam West to the group_ **

**_  
_ ** **_Twink changed Adam West’s name to Adamn_ **

**_  
_ ** **Adamn:** I didn’t ask for this

 **red boyo:** I missed you

 **Adamn:** Keith, I swear to god, I’ll fuck you up

 **red boyo:** do it, bet you won’t

 **Adamn:** sigh

 **Twink:** Adam!!!!

 **Adamn:** _sigh_

 **Twink:** I see how it is, bitch

 **Blue Boi:** I’m so confused

 **Adamn:** this is all your fault, you slippery eel.

 **Blue Boi:** slippery burb*

 **red boyo:** _are you a raven bitch_

 **Blue Boi:** who you calling bitch, bitch

 **Takashit:** no, we are NOT having house discourse

 **Blue Boi:** but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

 **Pidge:** dad, bls

 **Sunshine:** :(

 **Twink:** daddy, please

 **Adamn:** come on, Takashi, let the kids have fun

 **Adamn:** and Matt, I swear to god, I won’t hesitate

 **Takashit:** ,,,ok, but play nice

 **Pidge:** BET

 **Pidge:** ALL MY SNAKES SAY HEYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 **Twink:** HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY

 **red boyo:** disgusting.

 **Allura:** hgrfijd where are my Claws?

 **Blue Boi:** BET, I’M WITH THE PRINCESS

 **Allura:** owo

 **Blue Boi:** pidge, if you kick her I stg

 **Pidge:** :(

 **Blue Boi:** I take it back, I’m sorry

 **Sunshine:** whipped

 **Blue Boi:** :/

 **Pidge:** :/  
  
  
**_Hot Holts Hate Howdy_ ** **_  
_****_  
_**  
**Stringbean:** lol, didn’t you like, have a phat crush on lance once

 **Greenbean:** YEAH, LIKE 3 YEARS AGO

 **Stringbean:** hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 **Stringbean:** r u sure you don’t still have feelings?

 **Greenbean:** shut the fuck up you bitch ass bitch

 **Greenbean:** I Will Tell Your Gf That You’re Being Mean To Me

 **Stringbean:** unfair, Nocara loves you more than she loves me

 **Greenbean:** thats the point

 **Stringbean:** smh

 **Stringbean:** BUT SERIOUSLY

 **Greenbean:** tbh, I don’t really know? Like, he’s cute, funny, super kind. But he’s also like,,,a player?

 **Greenbean:** he flirts with anything that moves

 **Stringbean:** :(

 **Greenbean:** then again, I’ve seen him in a serious relationship and he’s fully committed. Plus, he’s like my best friend and I know him inside and out and He’s So Good?

 **Stringbean:** OH WOrM

 **Greenbean:** IDK MATT, HAVING FEELINGS FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND IS W E I R D

 **Stringbean:** 60 bucks that he also likes you

 **Greenbean:** DOUBTFUL

 **Greenbean:** He usually goes for like,,,tall, long haired,,,,,beautiful gals

 **Stringbean:** HOLD THE FUCK UP, WHO SAID YOU WEREN’T PRETTY

 **Greenbean:** no one, I’m fucking beautiful

 **Stringbean:** damn right you are.

 

**_So no head???_ ** **_  
_****_  
_**  


**red boyo:** Hunkey, you’re a huffle aren’t you?

 **Sunshine:** ,,,,is it that obvious

 **Blue Boi:** hol up

 **Blue Boi:** HUNKEY?

 **red boyo:** we’re dating now, I have to call him cute names

 **Sunshine:** Keefems

 **red boyo:** yes, my darling?

 **Sunshine:** :*

 **red boyo:** gasp

 **red boyo:** ;*

 **Takashit:** sigh,,,,

 **Takashit:** where the fuck are you gryffs

 **Adamn:** b e t

 **red boyo:** BET

 **Adamn:** YOU TRYNA ONE UP ME BITCH

 **red boyo:** YOU KNOW IT BITCH

 **Adamn:** BET BITCH

 **red boyo:** come over so I can beat the shit out of you

 **Adamn:** bet

 **Twink:** are u actually coming over?

 **Adamn:** I SAID BET, DIDN’T I MATTHEW?

 **Twink:** SHIT OK DAMN

 **Takashit:** oh, ok, well,,,ok

  
  
**_I wove uwu_** ** _  
_****_  
_****Moon:** _are you actually coming over?_

 **Sun:** babe, i said bet

 **Moon:** vghjgrfkd ok

 **Moon:** I just can’t believe that, no one has, y’know caught on to it

 **Sun:** it’s because they’re all idiots.

 **Moon:** I mean, yeah

 **Moon:** I think Keith knows but he’s acting like he only knows about me being a pining fool.

 **Sun:** awww, I remember you being a pining fool

 **Moon:** shut the fuck up bitch

 **Sun:** yguhiuoi you’re still a disaster gay

 **Moon:** ITS BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ACT LIKE IM NOT MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU

 **Sun:** FHGEYUDIU SHIRO

 **Sun:** WARN A GUY NEXT TIME, OH MY GOD

 **Moon:** gyuhiuo sorry

 **Sun:** I love you tooooo

 **Moon:** <3

 **Sun:** also

 **Sun:** DON’T YOU THINK ITS SO WEIRD THAT YOU’RE NOW PALS WITH MY COUSIN

 **Moon:** SO WEIRD

 **Sun:** also, why is this gc a t h i n g

 **Moon:** pidge wanted a squad

 **Sun:** is it true that she’s just a smaller but eviler matt

 **Moon:** _you have no idea_

 **Sun:** oh oof  
**Sun:** but, I’ll go beat the shit out of your little brother then I’ll come cuddle you

 **Moon:** Imma try to cook you dinner

 **Sun:** Takashi, I love you more than anything else in this world,

 **Sun:** but you can’t cook for shit

 **Moon:** :(

 **Sun:** mirror that frown, I’ll cook for us

 **Moon:** :)

 **Moon:** can we do that thing that they do in movies where I sit on the counter and you come in between my legs and we kiss and be all cute

 **Sun:** UH, YES

 **Sun:** i’ll take any excuse to get between those Thighs

 **Moon:** nasty boy

 **Moon:** stinky garbage boy

 **Sun:** GYUHIRJFDI STOP

 **Moon:** I’m sorry but I’m saving myself for Jesus

 **Sun:** I’m blocking you

 **Moon:** i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 **Sun:** sigh

 **Sun:** I love you too

 **Moon:** :)

 **Sun:** also, am I gonna have to be the responsible dad in this gc?

 **Moon:** you already know the answer to that bb

 **Sun:** BULLSHIT

  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

 **Allura:** also, Adam! It’s so nice to finally meet you!

 **Adamn:** ditto! Shiro and keith have told me all about you!

 **red boyo:** BITCH

 **Takashit:** way to expose us.

 **Adamn:** they care about you a lot

 **red boyo:** B I T C H

 **Takashit:** she’s never going to get over this

 **Allura:** am cry

 **Allura:** my boys

 **Allura:** i love my boys

 **Adamn:** _and your boys love you_

 **Allura:** TEARS

 **red boyo:** i hope you all know that shes actually crying

 **Takashit:** we don’t need to see her to know

 **Sunshine:** _I guess that proves that you really do love her_

 **Pidge:** gyfrhuediuso hunk you icon

 **Sunshine:** :)

 **Adamn:** I’m claiming this one

 **Takashit:** NO

 **Takashit:** IM HUNKS BITCH

 **Sunshine:** shiro is my bitch

 **red boyo:** IM HUNKS BOYFRIEND

 **Sunshine:** keith is my boyf

 **Pidge:** Lance is my bitch

 **Blue Boi:** I’m pidge’s bitch

 **Allura:** keith is my bitch

 **red boyo:** yes.

 **Allura:** and lance is my boyfriend

 **Blue Boi:** yes.

 **Twink:** wow, ok

 **Adamn:** matt, wanna be my bitch

 **Twink:** bet

 **Adamn:** Matts the true friend

 **Takashit:** he once glued your glasses to your face

 **Twink:** WHY’D YOU HAVE TO REMIND HIM

 **red boyo:** cuz he be jelly

 **Takashit:** i will disown you and replace you with lance

 **Blue Boi:** ily dad

 **Takashit:** ily2 son

 **Adamn:** this is,,,,,

 **Adamn:** I’m gonna go beat Keith’s ass now

 **red boyo:** shit.

  



	4. whild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some wild stuff happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOUNG AND SWEET

**_So No Head???_ **

 

 **Blue Boi:** SO KEITH AND I MET

 **Pidge:** w

 **Pidge:** what

 **red boyo:** i wanna kashoot myself

 **Blue Boi:** SO I GET INTO THE ELEVATOR ALL ALONE

 **Blue Boi:** AND ITS CLOSING

 **Blue Boi:** THEN SOMEONE STOPS IT

 **red boyo:** me, I stopped it.

 **Blue Boi:** jes

 **Allura:** oh boy, this is gonna be good

 **Blue Boi:** AND HE COMES IN AND I SEE HIS EMO ASS MULLET

 **Blue Boi:** AND I FUCKING DROP MY PHONE

 **red boyo:** he fucking screamed

 **red boyo:** and it scared the shit out of me and I dropped _my_ phone.

 **Blue Boi:** we had that one spiderman meme moment

 **Blue Boi:** and we kinda just stared at each other for a moment

 **red boyo:** then he started laughing his ass off

 **red boyo:** then I started laughing my ass off

 **Blue Boi:** tHEN THE FUCKING ELEVATOR BROKE

 **red boyo:** its still broken

 **Blue Boi:** we’ve been in here for almost 30 minutes

 **Blue Boi:** I had to stop Keith from trying to climb up the cable

 **red boyo:** I CAN FIT, IM SMALL

 **red boyo:** I take it back, I have big hips

 **Sunshine:** Lance can fit, hes a lanky boy

 **Pidge:** TYGUHJ

**_Pidge changed Blue Boi’s name to Lank_ **

**Lank:** I Am Slim Thick

 **red boyo:** idk, i feel like if I wrap my hand around your waist my pinky and thumb could touch

 **Lank:** smh slander

 **red boyo:** I’m gonna jump and see if I can snap the cable

 **Lank:** kEITHGF JO

 **Pidge:** oh my fuc k ing god he fucking dead

 **Twink:** this reminds me of college Shiro

 **Adamn:** HA

 **Takashit:** idk what you’re talking about

 **Takashit:** I was an angel

 **Twink:** _are you sure about that_

 **Adamn:** Matt, don’t act like you’re innocent

 **Twink:** oh, I know i'm not

 **Twink:** wait,

**_Twink changed their  name to MattyB_ **

**MattyB:** Better

 **Pidge:** fguhdij ok damn

 **Adamn:** remember when you two did that Thing in Kolivan’s class?

 **Takashit:** ADAM SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **Adamn** : make me bitch

 **Takashit:** ,,,:[

 **red boyo:** I wanna know what happened

 **Lank:** as do I, we dont know how long we’re gonna be stuck in here

 **Allura:** SPILL THE BEANS

 **Takashit:** Adam, I swear to god

 **Sunshine:** _Please, tell it_

 **Takashit:** NOT YOU TOO HUNK

 **Sunshine:** sorry Shiro, but I gotta know

 **Adamn:** SO I’M IN CLASS

 **Takashit:** SHIT

 **Adamn:** and I’m mildly confused because Takashi and Matt aren’t there and I Am Alone

 **MattyB:** fucking loser

 **Adamn:** ill cut ur dick off

 **MattyB:** shit damn, ok

 **Adamn:** and all of a sudden

 **Adamn:** Takashi bursts thru the door wearing a fucking banana costume

 **red boyo:** ex

 **red boyo:** excuse me?

 **Takashit:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Adamn:** he runs down the stairs and he’s standing there, looking panicked. Kolivan has noticed but is still teaching away

 **Pidge:** Classic Kolivan.

 **Adamn:** THE NEXT THING YOU FUCKING KNOW

 **MattyB:** huehuehe

 **Adamn:** MATT FUCKING THROWS THE DOOR OPEN

 **Adamn:** AND HES WEARING A FUCKING MONKEY COSTUME

 **Lank:** I see where this is going and I love it

 **Adamn:** SHIRO SEES HIM, POINTS AT HIM, LOOKING TERRIFIED.

 **Adamn:** THEN HE STARTS SCREAMING HIS FUCKING ASS OFF

 **Adamn:** MaTT STARTS CHASING HIM AROUND THE ROOM

 **Pidge:** oh my g o d

 **Adamn:** next thing you know, Shiro is out of the door screaming down the hall with Matt chasing him.

 **red boyo:** Lance is crying

 **Sunshine:** what the frick frack patty wack give a dog a bone?

 **Allura:** GGYHUIJK HUNK ILY

 **red boyo:** back off, man snatcher

 **Allura:** dont worry, I would never cheat on Lance

 **Lank:** !!!!babe!!!!

 **red boyo:** disgusting

 **Lank:** you’re just jealous, kink

 **Lank:** KEITH***

 **Pidge:** K I N K

 **Sunshine:** oh my g o d

**_Pidge changed red boyo’s name to Kink_ **

**Kink:** i dont deserve this slander

 **Lank:** why you smiling then bitch

 **Kink:** SLANDER

 **Kink:** I dedicate my whole life to hayley kiyoko and this is the thanks I get?

 **Takashit:** you deserve everything that life throws at you

 **Kink:** WHAT WOULD LESBIAN JESUS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT

 **Sunshine:** it seems as if Shiro has something against keefums

 **Takashit:** ever wonder why my hair is fucking grey

 **Kink:** I THOUGHT IT WAS TEMPORARY, I TOLD YOU

 **Kink:**  IM SORRY

 **Pidge:** vfgyudhij

 **Sunshine:** oh my g o d

 **Lank:** IM CHOKING

 **Kink:** _kinky_

 **Lank:** square up thot

 **Pidge:** 20 bucks the firefighters are gonna find them fist fighting each other

 **Allura:** rip Lance

 **Lank:** WHY RIP LANCE

 **Allura:** cuz keith is a stronk boy

 **Allura:** not as stronk as shiro but hes getting there

 **Takashit:** HE IS AND ITS TERRIFYING

 **Lank:** but hes so smol

 **Adamn:** I could hear Keith’s fist colliding with Lance’s jaw

 **MattyB:** AHAHHA

 **Kink:** I AM A BEING FULL OF DARKNESS AND RAGE

 **Pidge:** ok, edgelord, we get it

 **Pidge:** you listen to MCR

 **Kink:** :[

 

  
  
**_Lance McClain to Takashi Shirogane_ **

**_Lance McClain changed the group chat name to_ ** **_Daddy & son _ **

**_Lance McClain changed_** **_Takashi Shirogane’s name to Daddy_**

**_Lance McClain changed their name to son_ **

**Son:** would he kill me if I started playing the Black Parade

 **Daddy:** you would get decked

 **Son:** lol, gonna do it anyway

 **Daddy:** son bls no

 **Son:** its what I have to do, father

 **Daddy:** i love you, son

 **Son:** i love you too, father

 **Daddy:** he was a brave soul

  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

 **Kink:** Lance is officially dead

 **Allura:** WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HUSBAND TO BE

 **Kink:** more like WHAT DID HE DO TO ME

 **Takashit:** he played Black Parade

 **Kink:** HE PLAYED BLAC-

 **Kink:** [squints] you slut

 **Takashit:** I told him not to

 **Lank:** YALL SHOULD HAVE SEEN HOW FAST KEITH WHIPPED HIS HEAD AROUND

 **Lank:** THERE WAS FIRE IN HIS EYES

 **Kink:** I had a war flashback

 **Lank:** I could see it

 **Kink:** I choked him

 **Lank:** he choked me

 **MattyB:** Kinky

 **Kink:** Matt, I want a divorce

 **MattyB:** BABY BLS NO

 **Kinky:** jk, I could never

 **Pidge:** pussy

 **Adamn:** _,,,am I allowed to leave now?_

 **Takashit:** Adam, please, no

 **Adamn:** Takashi, these kids are gonna be the death of me

 **Takashit:** you and me both, sweetheart

 **Adamn:** you could just leave with me, darling?

 **Takashit:** I would never abandon my son and Hunk

 **Lanky:** ily daddy

 **Pidge:** WHEEZE

**_Pidge changed Takashit’s named to daddy_ **

**daddy:** nevermind, I’ll go with you, love

 **Adamn:** finally, we can spend our days together in peace

 **MattyB:** [ _squonts]_

 **Allura:** RYUFHEDJ S Q U O N T

 **Allura:** this is whild

 **MattyB:** Adam and Shiro, you’re being,,,,quite friendly

 **Adamn:** ,,,,uh

 **Adamn:** whatever do you mean, Matthew, darling?

 **daddy:**  i think you’re just confused

  
  


**_Homo Bros_ **

 

 **queef:** Imma expose you

 **queef:** give me your blessing

 **Shit:** _what are you talking about?_

 **queef:**  do u think im stupid?

 **queef:** you’ve had goo-goo eyes for Adam since you were in the 8th grade

 **Shit:** YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ME THEN

 **queef:** im magic

 **queef:** and about to expose you

 **queef:**  you guys suck at sneaking around

 **Shit:** hes gonna kill you, Keith

 **queef:** if thats the sacrifice I must make, then so be it

 **Shit:** KEITH HES GONNA KILL _ME_

 **queef:** IF THATS THE SACRIFICE I MUST MAKE, THEN SO BE IT

 **Shit:** you s l u t

 **queef:** guilty

  
  
  
**_I wove uwu_ **

 

 **moon:** its not my fault

 **Sun:** whats not your fault?

 **Sun:** takashi?

 **Sun:** hello?

  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

 **Kink:** matt, you might be suspicious because its suspicious

 **Pidge:** ,,,what

 **Lank:** I think the elevator is getting to him

 **Adamn:** Keith, if you’re about to do what I think you’re about to do, I will personally come into that elevator, save Lance, then throw you down the shaft

 **Allura:** heh, shaft

 **Lank:** I can’t wait to marry you

 **Allura:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Kink:** SPEAKING OF MARRIAGE

 **Adamn:** on my way to beat your ass

 **daddy:** adam and I are dating

 **Adamn:** _gaaaaaaaasp_

 **Kink:** rude, I wanted to do it

 **Kink:** aLSO LANCE IS CHOKING, HELP

 **Sunshine:** make sure he’s standing straight and hold his hand

 **MattyB:** w

 **Sunshine:** whenever Lance gets Shocked, he does that

 **Takashit:** ANYWAY, YEAH WE’RE DATING, ITS BEEN ON AND OFF SINCE COLLEGE BUT ONLY BECAUSE OF WORK AND MY ACCIDENT, BUT ITS GOING PRETTY STRONG RIGHT NOW, SO IM GONNA GO TAKE MY AFTERNOON NAP

 **Adamn:** sigh

 **Adamn:** I’m gonna join him

 **Adamn:** Allura, will you please call someone to help Lance and Keith

 **Allura:** Of course!

 **Allura:** I wanna go find them lol

 **Lank:** I WANNA SEE MY BEAUTIFUL GF

 **Kink:** SIGHS LOUDLY IN: _I WOULD LOVE TO MEET MY BEAUTIFUL BOYF_

 **Sunshine:** OK, ILL COME TOO

 **Pidge:** field trip?

 **Allura:** THEN WE CAN GO FOR COFFEE?

 **Kink:** im down

 **Lank:** yes pls

 **Pidge:** COFFEE

 **Sunshine:** I would love that!!

 **MattyB:** Can I join the coffee?

 **Kink:** y e s

 **MattyB:** cool, just text me when you get out of the small metal box hanging by one cable

**Kink:**

**Kink:**

**Kink:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't wanna make this fic too serious but there are gonna be some p Real chapters coming up, so, be warned


	5. Movie star planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Holt Sibling Action
> 
> We get real
> 
> but then we get funky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip my grades  
> also, lowkey short chapter but I just wanted to get it done, so sorry
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO WE'RE FUCKED, WE'RE JUST FUCKED. IT ALL ENDS. FUCK ME, FUCK YOU, FUCK EVERYONE. IVE NEVER BEEN THIS SCARED AND SAD AT THE SAME TIME, WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY KINDA BULLSHIT.

**_So No Head???_ **

 

**Lank:** I JUST GOT A DICK PIC FROM A GUY I MET ON MOVIESTARPLANET

**Kink:** e

**Kink:** excuse me?

**Sunshine:** oh my  _ god _

**Lank:** I’m gonna send back a picture of Shrek

**Allura:** BET

**Pidge:** oh god, not the penis pictures

**Daddy:** Im?crying?

**Daddy:** why the fricky frack are you on  _ Moviestarplanet _

**Lank:** I PLAY IT WHEN IM BORED

**Sunshine:** he’s always bored

**Lank:** NO ONE ASKED YOU HUNKBERT

**Allura:** omg

**Adamn:** h

**Adamn:** how did he send you a dick pic?

**Lank:** I gave him my snap, duh

**Kink:** but like, why

**Lank:** I wanted to see what happened

**Lank:** his dick small

**Sunshine:** oh my

**Kink:** legend 

**Allura:** i love you so much

**Allura:** WE NEED TO GET TOGETHER AGAIN SOON!!!

**Twink:** YES

**Twink:** that was a blast

**Daddy:** :(

**Adamn:** :[

**Kink:** you guys were off being gay together

**Daddy:** and you weren’t?

**Kink:** SLANDER

**Sunshine:** idk, I had fun being gay with you

**Kink:** bABE

**Kink:** YOU’RE TOO GOOD TO ME

**Sunshine:** its what you deserve uwu

**Pidge:** I cant wait until we’re in public and people actually think they’re dating

**Kink:** thats when I propose and proudly declare our love to the world. 

**Sunshine:** fygudhisj

**Allura:** Lance, why are you not proudly declaring our love to the world?

**Lank:** gasp

 

 

**_Plants_ **

 

**Laaaaaance:** quick, give me mod privileges. 

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** why?

**Laaaaaance:** pretty please

**Laaaaaance:** I’ll do whatever you want

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** sigh

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** fine, but only because ily

**Laaaaaance:** uwu I wove uwu towo burb

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

 

**_Lank changed Allura’s name to Allurable_ **

**Allurable:** gasp

**Lank:** :3

  
  


_**Plants** _

 

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I cant believe you

**Laaaaaance:** uwu

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** you owe me a movie night

**Laaaaaance:** anything for you pidgey

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** _sigh_  
  


 

**_Hot Holts Hate Howdy_ **

 

**Greenbean:** I want you to speak at my funeral

**Stringbean:** Lance?

**Greenbean:** **_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_ **

**Stringbean:** thats it, let it all out bb

**Greenbean:** I wanna kill him

**Stringbean:** yes, let all that ang-

**Stringbean:** Ok, No. 

**Greenbean:** :[

**Stringbean:** you can’t kill everything you’re scared of

**Greenbean:** im not scared of him?

**Stringbean:** you’re scared of your feelings for him

**Greenbean:** well 

**Greenbean:** who the fuck are you?

**Stringbean:** my names matt. 

**Greenbean:** FUCK YOU

**Stringbean:** huehuehe

**Stringbean:** SERIOUSLY THO

**Stringbean:** figure out your feels, little sis

**Greenbean:** but thats gross

**Stringbean:** so are you, but you dont see me complaining. 

**Greenbean:** BITCH

**Stringbean:** hehehherhehehhehe

**Greenbean:** anyway

**Greenbean:** how are you?

**Stringbean:** tbh? I’m kinda bummed that Adam and Shiro didn’t tell me about their relationship?

**Stringbean:** Like I get that they wanted to keep it lowkey and all. But I’ve known them both since high school. Like, I thought I was their best friend

**Greenbean:** You are their best friend

**Greenbean:** you saw what they said, they just wanted to figure things out. 

**Stringbean:** yeah, but its been going on since  _ college _

**Stringbean:** like, 4 years ago, Pidge

**Greenbean:** oof, yeah, I can see why you would be upset

**Stringbean:** should I like, idk, say something?

**Greenbean:**  y e s 

**Stringbean:** sigh, ok bet, I guess

**Greenbean:** that was the saddest thing I have ever seen with my 4 eyes

**Stringbean:** gfudhsij

  
  
  


**_The Original Trio_ **

 

**Boltholt:** fellas, 

**shirowo:** matt?

**wildwest:** yes?

**Boltholt:** Matthew Has A Question

**shirowo:**  oh no

**wildwest:** you’re talking in 3rd person, somethings wrong

**Boltholt:** well, its not like

**Boltholt:** somethings wrong, per say

**Boltholt:** I’m just curious

**shirowo:**  whats up, bud?

**Boltholt:** why didn’t you tell me about it?

**Boltholt:** Like, I understand that you wanted to keep it hush hush 

**Boltholt:** but like

**Boltholt:** Idk

**wildwest:**  Matthew, 

**wildwest:** we wanted to tell you, believe me, we really did

**shirowo:** yeah dude, we thought about it a few times

**shirowo:** we just, decided not to because we didn’t wanna get you involved. 

**wildwest:** just in case things got messy. And we had no clue what was gonna happen

**shirowo:** don’t think that we didn’t tell you because we don’t trust you

**shirowo:** thats not even close to true

**wildwest:** you were gonna be the first person we told

**wildwest:**  but a certain little bitch ruined that

**shirowo:** I tried stopping him

**Boltholt:** hhhhwowokthatsfun

**Boltholt:** I’m sorry, I just, Idk

**shirowo:** don’t be sorry, you cunt

**wildwest:** Shiro!

**shirowo:** w h a t

**Boltholt:** fuhdijs ok ok

**Boltholt:** I see why you didn’t say anything

**Boltholt:** idk, just wasn’t feeling saucy

**shirowo:** what kind of fucking Italian are you if you aren’t feeling saucy

**Boltholt:** uM THE BEST KIND

**shirowo:** I BEG TO DIFFER, SLUT

**wildwest:** I want a refund on both of you

  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

**Lank:** then, I woke up in an upside down porta potty

**Kink:** hoW THE FUCK

**Daddy:** idk what i walked into but I also dont care!

**Lank:** ouch. 

**Adamn:** dont be mean to our son

**Daddy:** sorry, son

**Lank:** its ok daddy

**Daddy:** KNEE WAY

**Daddy:** if an italian isnt feeling saucy then are they a true Italian. 

**Pidge:** pssh, of course not

**MattyB:** Betrayed by my own flesh and blood

**MattyB:** BY MY OWN COSPLAYER

**Sunshine:** w

**Sunshine:** what

**Lank:** _Italian men have meatballs instead of actual balls_

**MattyB:** I’m blocking you

**Allurable:** WHO TOUCHA MY SPAGHETT

**Pidge:** this is so insulting

**Kink:** good. 

**MattyB:** Italian Slander

**Pidge:** I don’t wanna be friends with any of you anymore,,,,except Hunk

**Lank:** oh, come on, burb

**Pidge:** DEAD TO ME

**_MattyB changed Pidge’s name to burb_ **

**MattyB:** get fucked bitch

**burb:**  I want a refund on all of you

**Adamn:** omg, you’re my child

**burb:** lol ok, bet

**Daddy:** nightmare fuel. 

**Lank:** heheh

**Lank:** meatsweats

**Lank:** meatball meatsweats

**Lank:** hehehe

**_Kink kicked Lank_ **

**Allurable:** OFFENDED GASP

**Sunshine:** sigh

**Sunshine:** IlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehim

**_Sunshine added Lank to the group chat_ **

**Lank:** yes, you do Love Me

**Alllurable:** yes, i do

**burb:** yeah, I do

**Sunshine:** Of course I do

**Daddy:** best son

**Adamn:** I fucking love you

**MattyB:** I’m lov lance

**Kink:** lance is ok

**Lank:** thats the nicest thing you have ever said to me

**Kink:** Not True

**Lank:** shhhh, let me have this

**Kink:** s i g h

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuckinig dancing kween


	6. welcc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aNOTHER NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES???
> 
> Some soff stuff
> 
> some general gc bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont wanna talk about s8. Shut up.

**_So No Head???_ **

  


**Sunshine:** TODAY MET CUTE GIRL

 **Sunshine:** HUNK NEEDS ASSISTANCE

 **Lank:** GIRL, YOU SAY?

 **Sunshine:** GIRL I DO SAY, MY FINE SIR

 **Lank:** WHAT ABOUT GIRL, MY GOOD MISTER

 **Sunshine:** WELL, I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU, MY BODACIOUS BRO

 **Allurable:** WHEEZE

 **Allurable:** **_BODACIOUS BRO_**

 **burb:** TELL US ABOUT GIRL

 **Sunshine:** name be shay

 **Sunshine:** Shay be her name

 **Allurable:** s h a y ?

 **Allurable:** as in Shaelyn Stone?

 **Sunshine:** Oh No

 **Allurable:b** AS IN MY BEST FRIEND

 **Sunshine:** OH NO BUT LOUDER

 **Kink:** loud letters

 **MattyB:** why yall screaming

 **Kink:** but shay, you do say?

 **Sunshine:** _do you know everyone?_

 **Kink:** no,

 **Kink:** kinda

 **Sunshine:** HOW DO YOU KNOW SHAY

 **Kink:** shes my stoner buddy

 **Kink:** we get high together.

 **Kink:** blus we run track together

 **Burb:** i thought you did baseball?

 **Kink:** I Can Multitask

 **Burb:** ok, damn, Mr Sports Muscles bro

 **Kink:** never do that again

 **** **Burb:** i regretted it as soon as I hit send 

 **Allurable:** I MET HER AT A FARMERS MARKET A FEW YEARS AGO AND I FELL IN LOVE

 **Lank:** :[

 **Allurable:** _not literally, you still have my heart, love._

 **Lank:** :]

 **Allurable:** GOD, I NEED TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON LIKE NOW

  


**_Thotty Party_ **

 

 **Kooth:** omg

 **Kooth:** _you actually like him, don't you_

 **Olloo:** n o

 **Kooth:** sus

 **Olloo:** worm?

 **Kooth:** idk, I feel like my wig bout to be snatched

 **Olloo:** whig

 **Olloo:** sis, lissen

 **Olloo:** he’s fly as fuck

 **Olloo:** a whole meal

 **Kooth:** we been knew

 **Olloo:** idk sis, hes just like

 **Olloo:** heccing adorable

 **Olloo:** wanna get to know him before snatching

 **Kooth:** you know what I always say,

 **Kooth:** _Snatch and Attach_

 **Olloo:** canceled.

 **Kooth:** bold of you to assume I wasn’t already canceled.

  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

 **Lank:** bls

 **Lank:** need to see that Beautiful face again

 **MattyB:** so,,,,shay

 **Sunshine:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Allurable:** ,,,hue

 **Sunshine:** allura i stg

 **Allurable:** HUE

  


**_Big Brown Beauties_ **

 

 **Lura:** IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU NEED TO TELL ME

 **Shay:** UH, I DONT THINK SO???????????

 **Lura:** ARE YOU SURE??????????????????????????????????

 **Shay:** I THINK SO?????????????????????

 **Lura:** YOU DIDN’T MEET ANY _NEW PEOPLE TODAY_????????????????????????

 **Shay:** h

 **Shay:** how do you know these things

 **Lura:** its because I’m god.

 **Shay:** well shit

 **Shay:** but, uh, idk what you’re talking about

 **Lura:** I think you do

 **Shay:** are you thinking about who I think you’re thinking about?

 **Lura:** idk, _am I?_

 **Shay:** IDK _ARE YOU_

 **Lura:** **_I DONT KNOW, AM I????????????????_**

 **Shay:** does this persons name rhyme with Bonk?

 **Lura:** B O N K

  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

 **Allurable:** pidge, change Hunks name to Bonk

 **Burb:** fhuij  bet

**_Burb changed Sunshines name to Bonk_ **

**Bonk:** slander?

  


**_Big Brown Beauties_ **

 

 **Lura:** I’m in love with Hunk, you cant have him

 **Shay:** w

 **Shay:** WHAT

 **Lura:** jk jk, but I am in love with his best friend, the wedding is in July

 **Shay:** L A N C E?

 **Lura:** yes, the love of my life.

 **Shay:** BITCH SINCE WHEN

 **Lura:** Since like, last week.

 **Lura:** also, Keith claimed Hunk, so,,,,have fun with that

 **Shay:** shit

  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

**_Allurable added Shaelyn Stone to the group chat_ **

 

 **Allurable:** welcome, babe

 **Bonk:** I hate all of you with a burning passion

 **Daddy:** wow, ok

 **Bonk:** everyone but Shiro

 **Adamn:** fuck you, bitch

 **Daddy:** he’s in a bad mood today

 **Adamn:** FUCK E VE R Y O N E

 **Lank:** no thanks, thats incest

 **Adamn:**...

 **Lank:** UNBLOCK ME BITCH

 **Adamn:** smh, yall hear somethin

 **Kink:** nah, dont hear shit

 **Lank:** KEITH I WILL CANCEL OUR DINNER DATE

 **Kink:** NO, I WANT FREE BURGER KING

 **MattyB:** dinner date?

 **Lank:** we’re having a girls night out.

 **Lank:** Gonna force keith to get his nails done

 **Kink:** I Will Destroy Your Bloodline

 **Shaelyn Stone:** get your nails done did good gurl

 **Shaelyn Stone:** fuck it up Keithy

 **Shaelyn Stone:** fuck it _u p_

 **Adamn:** I’m claiming this one

 **Shaelyn Stone:** Oh! Hey Coach West!

 **Adamn:** ah shit, forgot about my job

 **Shaelyn Stone:** its ok, I wont snitch

 **Shaelyn Stone:** unless you do me dirty

 **Adamn:** _my child_

**_Burb changed Shaelyn Stone’s name to Shay_ **

**_Kink changed Shay’s name to Stoner_ **

**Stoner:** you know me so well

 **Kink:** I gottchu bb

 **Bonk:** Keith, I cant believe you’re going on a date without me

 **Allurabe:** !!!! Lance, how could you!!!

 **Lank:** BABY ITS NOT WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE

 **Kink:** HUNKEY, I WOULD NEVER

 **Stoner:** _Hunkey_

 **Bonk:** sigh

 **Stoner:** Hi Hunk!

 **Bonk:** hello, shay!!

 **Stoner:** I’m gonna get corrupted aren’t I?

 **Bonk:** You sure are!!!

  


**_Hunk Garrett - > Shaelyn Stone_ **

 

 **Hunk Garrett:** feel like I should explain

 **Shaelyn Stone:** oh lol ok

 **Hunk Garrett:** it all started when I said I met a pretty girl

 **Hunk Garrett:** and for some reason, Allura and Keith know everyone

 **Hunk Garrett:** and now you’re here.

 **Shaelyn Stone:** you

 **Shaelyn Stone:** _you think I’m pretty?_

 **Hunk Garrett:** uh, yeah?

 **Hunk Garrett:** like, super pretty.

 **Shaelyn Stone:** grufhd thanks

 **Hunk Garrett:** welcc  
  


 

**_Bro_ **

 

 **Rock Bro:** B R O

 **Rock Bro:** WHY DO I SUCK AT LIFE, BRO

 **Shark Bro:** YOU DONT SUCK AT ANYTHING, BRO

 **Shark Bro:** YOU’RE THE BEST, BRO

 **Rock Bro:** I CALLED SHAY PRETTY AND SHE THANKED ME AND ALL I SAID WAS “welcc”

 **Shark Bro:** YFGUHIEJTGLDKUKJ

 **Shark Bro:** RIP BRO, YOU FUCKING CHOKED

 **Shark Bro:** IF YOU DID THAT IN PERSON, YOU WOULD JUST FIST BUMP HER AND THEN WALK AWAY.

 **Rock Bro:** I HATE HOW TRUE THAT IS

 **Shark Bro:** MAYBE SHE LIKES HOW AWKWARD YOU ARE

 **Shark Bro:** MAYBE SHE FINDS IN ENDEARING????????????

 **Rock Bro:** EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 **Shark Bro:** E.

 **Rock Bro:** I hate you

 **Shark Bro:** no you don’t

 **Rock Bro:** no I dont.

  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

 **Lank:** knee way, I’m gonna make Keith look ravishing after tonight and also cut his hair in his sleep

 **Kink:** what

 **Lank:** what?

 **Kink:** what did you just say?

 **Lank:** I didn’t say anything?

 **Kink:** I think you said you were gonna cut my hair in my sleep?

 **Lank:** mmmmmmmmmmnope, didn’t happen. Don’t remember

 **Kink:** ITS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE, JUST SCROLL UP A BIT

 **Lank:** I dont see anything

**_Kink sent a screenshot_ **

**Kink:** SEE!!!

 **Lank:** thats clearly photoshopped

 **MattyB:** I can feel keiths rage from here

 **Burb:** you wish you could feel his “rage”

 **MattyB:** I AM IN A FULLY COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP

 **Burb:** yeah, WITH KEITHS D I C K

 **Stoner:** this is fun

 **Stoner:** im having fun.

 **Adamn:** you get used to it after a while, darling

 **Stoner:** cool, does this mean I get to pass your classes now?

 **Adamn:** no. 

 **Stoner:** fair enough. 

 **Lank:** Im related to him and he still doesnt pass me

 **Adamn:** its cuz I hate you

 **Allurable:**  [HIGHLY OFFENDED GASP]

 **Allurable:** HOW

 **Allurable:** COULD

 **Allurable:** YOU

 **Allurable:** SAY SUCH A THING

 **Allurable:** MY LOVELY LANCEY LANCE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG EVER

 **Bonk:** _well_

 **Allurable:**   **NOTHING WRONG EVER**

 **Lank:** where r u rn, I wanna hug u

 **Allurable:** :0

 **Allurable:** libury

 **Burb:**   _libury_

 **Kink:** i'm gunna  _burry_ lance's body if he doesnt bring me to burger king soon

 **Daddy:** everyone here is dead to me except shay and hunk

 **Stoner:** cool bro

 **Bonk:** ily my lovely b

 **Daddy:** you dont wanna call me your bitch do you

 **Bonk:** no, it hurts my feelings

 **Daddy:** ughfidju

 **MattyB:** weak

 **Burb:** wheak

 **Adamn:** sigh

 **Bonk:** sorry, I dont wanna degrade shiro

 **Daddy:** Adam, why dont you treat me like this?

 **Adamn:** because I actually have to deal with you

 **Daddy:**  

 **Daddy:**  

 **Daddy:** fair point

 **Kink:** LANCE, THE KING OF THE BURGERS IN WAITING

 **Lank:** LET ME HUG ALLURA

 **Kink:** DONT HURRY UP AND THE ONLY THING YOU'LL BE HUGGING IS YOUR TOMBSTONE

 **Allurable:** keef :(

 **Kink:** n

 **Kink:** no

 **Allurable:** :((

 **Kink:** sigh

 **Kink:** five more minutes. 

 **Allurable:** :)

 **Burb:** who woulda thunk that keiths weakness is allura. 

 **Burb:** didn't even have to see her to know she was doing puppy eyes

 **Kink:** oh no shes gonna cry again

**Allurable: I LOVE MY BOYS**

**Lank:** hlp cant she squeeze tight

 **Daddy:** rip lance

 **Daddy:** cause of death? Alluras huge heart and even huger muscles. 

 **MattyB:** kinky

 **Burb:** I wish I could block you in real life. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOUNG AND SWEET ONLY SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN


	7. Plants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High. 
> 
> Skin Sticks
> 
> Love Organs
> 
>  
> 
> Pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy
> 
> SORRY FOR A SHORT CHAPTER BUT THIS IS ALL MY BRAIN COULD FART OUT

**_So No Head???_ **

 

**Kink:** 11:11 I wish for mothman to vore me

**Allurable:** its,,, 3:08pm?

**Kink:** not in my heart it isnt

**Lank:** _what_

**Kink:** chicken butt. 

**Daddy:** who let him get high

**Bonk:** he was already high

**Bonk:** off of my love for him

**Kink:** B A B E

**Burb:** oh god no, my worst nightmare is alive

**Burb:** _the stoners getting stoned together_

**Stoner:** username

**Adamn:** uhrifedjs

**MattyB:** disgusting

**MattyB:** 20 bucks they’re making out

**Kink:** WE CANT DO THAT UNTIL WE’RE MARRIED

**Bonk:** oMG I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT

**MattyB:** Lance, aren’t you Hunk’s roommate?

**Lank:** lissen

**Lank:** I could hear Keith singing 1-1800-kars4kids

**Lank:** BUT I DIDNT THINK ANYTHING OF IT

**Kink:** I also could hear Lance screaming along to Gasolina, so

**Lank:** YOU COME INTO MY HOME

**Allurable:** hgrhfewjk

**Adamn:** if Lance is shiros kid does that also make him mine

**Daddy:** yes, cuz we’re married and in love. 

**Adamn:** _cool_

**Lank:** I mean, im also your cousin, but go off I guess

**Allurable:** GFUHIJ

**Bonk:** Lance come eat these brownies I made

**Lank:** oh dope, be right out

**MattyB:** LANCE DONT EAT THE BROWNIES

**Allurable:** OH MY G O D 

**Daddy:** this is amazing

**_Bonk sent a photo_ **

**Bonk:** he ate the brownies

**Kink:** he ate Six of the brownies

**Adamn:** HE WAS GONE FOR LIKE 5 SECONDS, HOW THE FUCK

**Lank:** am vacuum, succ succ

**Stoner:** suck what?

**Lank:** succ the skin sticc

**Burb:** Oh My Fucking God

**Bonk:** he isnt even high yet, hes just Like This

**Lank:** _I say I wanna succ the skin sticc, but I really just wanna have someone’s love organ_

**Allurable:** oh My God

**Burb:** come take mine smh

**Lank:** bet

**Burb:** bet

**Lank:** take it out on the town? Nice dinner? Maybe a movie

**Burb:** Idk, dinner is too cheesy, my love organ wouldnt appreciate that

**Lank:** would it appreciate some laser tag

**Burb:** you bet your skin stick it would

**Lank:** Fine. 

**Burb:** Fine. 

**Lank:** I’ll pick up your love organ tomorrow at 5:30

**Lank:** you can come too, I guess

**Burb:** Fine. 

**Lank:** Fine. 

**Daddy:** ,,,

**Adamn:** ,,,,

**Stoner:** ////

**Allurable:** ….

**Bonk:** so,,,,pie?

**Kink:** cherry is superior and you all just suck

**Allurable:** I BEG TO DIFFER, SLUT

  
  


 

**_Bro_ **

 

**Rock Bro:** what the FUCK was THAT

**Shark Bro:** HONESTLY IDK, BUT I ALSO DONT KNOW IF IT WAS A JOKE OR IF SHES FOR REAL

**Rock Bro:** I think shes for real

**Shark Bro:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Rock Bro:** doki doki?

**Shark Bro:** _sigh_

**Shark Bro:** ...doki doki  
  


 

 

**_Plants_ **

 

**Laaaaaance:** so

**Laaaaaance:** idkifyouwerebeingseriousbutiwaskindabeingseriousandwouldyourloveorganactuallywannagoplaysomelasertagwithmetomorrow

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** ohthankgodithoughtyouwerealsojokingofcoursemyloveorganwantstoplaylasertagwithyou

**Laaaaaance:** bet

**Laaaaaance:** you gonna lose tho

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** why do you say that

**Laaaaaance:** cuz im the

**Laaaaaance:** **_Sharpshooter_**

**Laaaaaance:** [*insert sparkles and glitter here*]

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** pssh, you’re such a dork

**Laaaaaance:** yes, buut you love it

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I tolerate it

**Laaaaaance:** wump

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** oh go wump someplace else, mr sharpshooter

**Laaaaaance:** yes miss robot overlord

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** PSSSH

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** thats my new favorite thing

**Laaaaaance:** wow, ok, so not me?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** don’t worry, you’re up there

**Laaaaaance:** good to know. 

**Laaaaaance:** you’re up there for me too

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** epic

  
  


 

**_Hot Holts Hate Howdy_ **

 

**Greenbean:** HE TOLD ME I WAS ONE OF HIS FAVORITE PEOPLE AND I SAID “epic”

**Stringbean:** YOU DIDNG NO RIHGDJ

**Stringbean:** YOU SUSEFLESS SLUT

**Stringbean:** IC ANR BREATHT OH MY GUCKING HELL 

**Stringbean:** WHO THE FUCK STILL SAYS EPIC

**Greenbean:**  ME, APPARENTLY 

**Stringbean:** what a fucking loser

**Greenbean:** end me pls

**Stringbean:** no, I like watching you suffer

**Greenbean:** cunt

**Stringbean:** GYUHIJ

  
  


 

**_Bros_ **

 

**_Shark Bro sent a photo_ **

**Rock Bro:** WHEEZE

**Rock Bro:** E P I C

**Shark Bro:** I

**Rock Bro:** SHE FUCKING CHOKED

**Rock Bro:** SHE PULLED A ME, AND SHE CHOKED

**Shark Bro:** _I_

**Rock Bro:** gheifuw

  
  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

 

**Allurable:** and thats why banana cream pie is the best kind of pie

**Kink:** wrong

**Kink:** and you should never say that again

**Bonk:** Keith, you aren’t being really  _ epic _ right now

**MattyB:** GRHIEJR

**MattyB:** Hey, Hunk, wanna know whats not  _ epic? _

**Bonk:** GYEFHUDSI

**Bonk:** I sure do, mathew

**Burb:** [ _ squonts] _

**MattyB:** people being stupid sluts

**Burb:** oh I agree, totally not  _ epic _

**Burb:** o

**Burb:** all of you are dead to me until further notice

**Lank:** WAIT NO

**Burb:** UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, LANCE

**Lank:** KATIE, PLEASE

**Allurable:** I can’t help but to feel as if we have missed something

**Daddy:** _what the fuck happened_

**Stoner:** how high is lance now

**Bonk:** Lance actually carries his weed pretty well, should kick in in like 13 minutes for him

**Stoner:** such a stronk boy

**Kink:** why is Hunk laughing over the word epic, Lance what did you do

**Lank:** Hunk’s no longer my bffaeuddupaaugsuihfbg

**MattyB:** ,,,your  _ what _

**Bonk:** best friend forever and ever until death do us part and also until god smites us into hell for being gay

**Lank:** we added on the gay part a few years ago

**Lank:** but the rest was from middle school

**Daddy:** damn

**Lank:** but yeah, I’m looking for a new bffaeuddupaaugsuihfbg

**Lank:** applications will be mailed out on tuesday

**Adamn:** hes actually gonna mail something out, so keep an eye out for a blue envelope with a shark stamp

**Lank:** why you gotta out me like this, bitch

**Adamn:** don’t “bitch” me, I helped raise you

**Lank:** well that explains a lot

**Stoner:** Lance I think you’re perfect just the way you are

**Lank:** [sobbing] I FUCKING LOVE YOU SHAY

**Bonk:** thE HIGH KICKED IN SOONER THAN CALCULATED

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The skin sticc thing actually happened tonight, my friend was high, its a long story. Also, whenever there is an uncomfy silence or I want someone to stop talking. I just "so, pie?" and people just start talking bout pie, it works every time. No joke, every fucking time. I know, I'm fucking magic, you dont need to tell me what I already know


	8. warm cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lot of shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeeeeedoggy

**_So No Head???_ **

  
  


**Lank:** I like to heat up my cheese sticks because I don’t like cold cheese

**Burb:** I need you to to stop talking

**Lank:** how bout no

**Burb:** I can’t believe you would slander cheese like that

**Lank:** I DONT LIKE COLD CHEESE

**Burb:** SLANDER TO MY ITALIANNESS

**Lank:** katie, babe, lissen

**Burb:** I Refuse. 

**Lank:** Cold cheese hurts my feelings

**Burb:** :[

**Burb:** _wump_

**Lank:** OUCH

**MattyB:** what the fuck is going on

**Kink:** LANCE THAT IS SO VALID

**Stoner:** I agree, cold cheese is a big oof

**Allurable:** all of you are awful

**Allurable:** who tf heats up cheese

**Burb:** Lance, apparently 

**Lank:** :(

**Burb:** n

**Burb:** no

**Lank:** :((

**Burb:** Lance, please, I can’t

**_Lank sent an image_ **

**Burb:** **_LANCE_**

**Burb:**  I’m sorry, I take it all back, you go and eat your warm cheese

**Lank:** :)

**Stoner:** Lance, you have the cutest pout

**Stoner:** no homo tho

**Lank:** no homo

**Daddy:** wtf kinda interaction was that, I’ve never seen Pidge act like this

**Kink:** pidge is weak for lance

**Allurable:** wheak

**Daddy:** how shameful 

**Burb:** LOOK AT HIS FUCKING EYES, HOW CAN YOU RESIST THOSE

**Bonk:** _I can’t_

**Adamn:** even after all these years, neither can I

**Kink:** WELL I CAN BITCH

**Burb:** yes, but can you resist

**Burb:** THIS

**_Burb sent an image_ **

**Kink:** I’VE BEEN SHOT

**Kink:** THOSE EYES HOLD THE SUN IN THEM

**Stoner:** hOLY SHIT

**Bonk:** h

**Bonk:** How did you get that photo?

**Burb:** You pout when you read your chem notes

**Burb:** it’s cute so I snapped a photo

**Bonk:** bitch

**Lank:** ARE WE SENDING OUR PICTURES OF HUNK??????????

**Bonk:** N O

**Kink:** YES

**Stoner:** YES

**Kink:** I’m gonna make my wallpaper Hunk

**Allurable:** My wallpaper is shay

**Stoner:** !!!!!!!!!!! babe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Bonk:** mine is lance

**Burb:** Mine is also lance, but my lockscreen be hunky

**Bonk:** gasp

**Lank:**  mine is both pidge and hunk

**Bonk:** gasps again.

**Adamn:** Mine is Matt and Shiro

**Daddy:** Mine is adam

**MattyB:** ,,,,mine is Shrek

**Kink:** Mine is Taylor Swift

**Stoner:** Mine is alluras mice

**Lank:** Keith,,,you like,,,Taylor Swift?

**Kink:** I want her to drain all of the blood out of my body

**Kink:** but not in a sexual way, because I’m gay

**Kink:** But in a “I want you to kill me but I also want you to do it slowly so I’m aware that I’m dying by your beautiful hands”

**Kink:** y’know?

**Allurable:** Oh I KNow

**Stoner:** All of you are heathens

**Burb:** take it slow

**Lank:** HFEIJ

**Kink:** I WILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU

**Lank:** nooooooooooo

**Lank:** don’t do thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

**Lank:** would make me big boy sad

**Burb:** if you make him big boy sad, I’ll haunt you

**Daddy:** ,,,what the fuck is going on??

  
  


 

 

**_Hunk Garrett added Takashi Shirogane, Adam West, Keith Kogane, Shaelyn Stone, Allura Altea, and Matthew Holt to the group chat_ **

**_Hunk Garrett named the group:_ ** **_Sus_ **

**_Sus_ **

 

**_Hunk Garrett changed their name to Hunk_ **

**_Shaelyn Stone changed their name to Shay_ **

**_Allura Altea changed their name to Allura_ **

**_Takashi Shirogane changed their name to Shiro_ **

**_Adam West changed their name to Adam_ **

**_Keith Kogane changed their name to Keith_ **

**_Matthew Holt changed their name to IFuckedYourMomandDad_ **

**_Hunk changed IFuckedYouMomAndDad’s name to Matt_ **

 

**Matt:** :[

**Hunk:** sigh

**Hunk:** anyway

**Hunk:** Pidge makes lance’s heart go doki doki

**Allura:** bgrbufehdij

**Allura:** SO THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS CHAT

**Allura:** love that

**Matt:** omg

**Matt:** Pidge made me plan her funeral because she couldn't handle lance

**Matt:** and they really are going on a date

**Matt:** I just don't know if they know thats its a date

**Hunk:** We Can’t Have That

**Allura:** THEN LET'S MAKE A SUPER TOP SECRET PLAN

**Keith:** pidge will murk us all

**Keith:** I’m down

**Shay:** what is the plan

**Adam:** well, aren’t they going laser tagging?

**Adam:** what a coincidence,,,,so are we.

**Shiro:** yes, so are we

**Keith:** mhmm, totally

**Hunk:** ,,,yes

**Matt:** dont u think they gon be sus when they see us there?

**Adam:** that's why we be sneak

**Shiro:** we get there the same time they do, when they go in for laser tag they’ll be forced to do it with us

**Allura:** do we put them on opposite teams?

**Keith:** yes

**Keith:** only because Pidge and I are a power combo and I wanna murk Lance’s ass. 

**Hunk:** not gonna happen, Lance has amazing aim

**Adam:** he calls himself the Sharpshooter

**Hunk:** he’s good and you know it

**Adam:** yeah, he’s really fucking good

**Adam:** he’s a good boy

**Adam:** he doesn’t get enough credit for it

**Allura:** wow, I love my fiance 

**Allura:** such a stronk boy

**Shay:** Anyway

**Shay** : so we crash their date, and then somehow force them in a small space together and have them confess their feels?

**Adam** : sounds about right

**Shiro:** we should do the same with Keith and Hunk

**Matt:** oooii, good idea 

**Keith:** w

**Keith:** what 

**Hunk** : I'm in danger

**Keith:** I THOUGHT WE WERE HERE FOR PIDGE AND LANCE

**Keith:** PLANCE

**Hunk:** yes, that was the purpose of this group chat

**Hunk:** Plance,,,,

**Shay:** mhm, sure

**Allura:** s u s

  
  
  
  


**_Thotty Party_ **

 

**Olloo:** YOU ACTUALLY LIKE HIM

**Kooth:** whomst?

**Olloo:** y’know what i’m talking about. 

**Kooth:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ its not like it matters, p sure he has a thing for shay

**Olloo:** r u serious????????????

**Kooth:** ,,,yes?

**Olloo:** HE TOTALLY HAS A THING FOR YOU!!!

**Kooth:** sounds fake but ok. 

**Olloo:** _he got high with you and cuddled with u_

**Olloo:** HE WANT THE KEITHY D

**Kooth:** never say that again

**Olloo:** **_HE WANT THE KEITHY D_**

**Olloo:** besides, Shay’s had her eyes on this fine ass gal who works at the coffee shop. 

**Kooth:** havent you also had your eyes on coffee girl?

**Kooth:** and that guy who also works with coffee girl??

**Kooth:** and  _ on shay??? _

**Olloo:** SLANDER

**Kooth:** and didnt u have a thing with Lance?

**Olloo:** 1\. I thought I did but I thought it over and we’re better friends. Dating someone that pretty would make me sad

**Olloo:** 2\. Still love him and I’m gonna get fake married to him, but I think him and pidge are a better duo.

**Olloo:** THEIR SHIP NAME IS PLANCE

**Olloo:** how cute is that, its like plants

**Olloo:** love it. 

**Kooth:** oh my god

**Olloo:** BUT THIS AINT BOUT ME, BIH

**Kooth:** sis, please

**Olloo:** gotta snatch and attach

**Kooth:** DONT USE MY OWN SAYING AGAINST ME

**Olloo:** no, fuck u

**Olloo:** GO GET YOUR M A N

**Kooth:** rather not

**Olloo:** whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Kooth:** because this isn’t a fanfiction and I’m a coward

**Olloo:** [*stares at the camera like i’m on the office*]

**Olloo:** If I can get solid proof that he likes you

**Olloo:** will you make a move

**Kooth:** mayhaps

**Olloo:** COOL BEANS, BROTHER

**Kooth:** never say that again

**Olloo:** _cool beans brother_

**Olloo:** uNBLOCK ME BINCH

  
  


 

**_Big Brown Beauties_ **

 

**Lura:** question

**Shay:** answer

**Lura:** do u like hunk?

**Shay:** uhhh, no? Not in the way I think you’re implying?

**Shay:** he’s a cool guy but I’m still trying to figure out my sexuality and junk, and rn I don’t know if I’m into dudes???

**Shay:** if that makes sense

**Lura:** totally does, dear!

**Shay:** also there are these 2 hotties I have my eyes on

**Lura:** _2?????????????_

**Lura:** I ONLY KNOW OF ONE

**Shay:** huehueheuheu

**Lura:** :(

**Shay:** that wont work on me, i aint a weak bitch

**Lura:** wheak

**Shay:** sigh

  
  


 

**_So No Head???_ **

 

**Allurable:** Keith listens to Madonna and Spice Girls

**Kink:** how

**Kink:** _dare_

 **Kink:** **_YOU_**

**Allurable:** this is what you get for blocking me, hoe

**Kink:** sl u t

**MattyB:** Can confirm

**MattyB:** he does do that

**Kink:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Burb:** don’t forget the whole Mamma Mia soundtrack

**Kink:** oh my g o d

**Daddy:** I have the perfect thing for this

**Kink:** pls no

**_Daddy sent a video: Keith drunk while screaming Dancing Queen_ **

**Burb:** WHERE ARE YOUR CL O T H ES

**MattyB:** when Keith’s drunk he strips

**Kink: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

**Stoner:** YOU CAN DANCE THO, DAMN, LOOK AT THOSE H I P S

**Allurable:** wow, i just nutted

**Daddy:** ewewew no no no

**Daddy:** stop thirsting over my baby brother

**Kink:** y eAH

**Kink:** wait, you started this, you cunt

**Daddy:** and I regret it greatly

**Lank:** I’m saving this video, play it at my funeral. 

**Lank:** or play it at Hunks, hes currently dyingjrgehkrpwjhteiu4

**Lank:** hunk is fine. 

**Lank:** no one worry about Hunk

**Lank:** everything is perfect

**Kink:** Hunk  _ is _ perfect

**Lank:** HUNK HAS TO GO, HE HAS THINGS TO DO

**Burb:** mhm suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure

**Adamn:** sounds fake but ok

**Daddy:** can we have Lance back now pls

**Lank:** i've been here the whole time idk what youre talking about. 

**Burb:** what is he threatening you with?

**Lank:** _my life_

**Burb:** I’ll come save you

**Lank:** uwu thank uwu you uwu katie uwu

**Burb:** I changed my mind

**Burb:** perish

**Lank:** :[

**Lank:** anyway, here’s a video of Hunk screaming I Want It That Way

**_Lank sent a video: drunky hunky_ **

**Adamn:** is that pidge dying in the background

**Lank:** why, yes, yes it is

**Lank:** look at her, all cute in her lion onesie uwu

**Burb:** im blocking you

**Lank:** no youre not

**Burb:** no im not

**Kink:** wow

**Kink:** that video is

**Kink:** wow

**Kink:** hunk is wow

**Adamn:** and keith is gay. 

**Daddy:** rgjie god ily

**MattyB:** too much gay in one chat

**MattyB:** Pidge, Lance, het things up

**Allurable:** HET THINGS UP

**Bonk:** lol why is lance hidin-

**Bonk:** I THOUGHT YOU DELETED THAT VIDEO

**Bonk:** LANCE, IM IN A LION ONESIE AND SINGING INTO A BOTTLE OF WINE

**Bonk:** how d a r e you

**Lank:** oh DONT “HOW DARE YOU” ME, I KNOW THAT YOU AND VERONICA HAVE A SHARED GOOGLE FOLDER WITH EMBARRASSING PHOTOS OF ME

**Bonk:** touche

**Kink:** lol, my sisters gf’s name is veroni-

**Kink:** **_Lance what is your last name_**

**Lank:** ...McClain?

**Kink:** I

**Kink:** our sisters are dating

**Lank:** ,,,,,,,,, **_Acxa is your sister??????????????????_ **

**Kink:** my mom claimed her as her own, so kinda

**Lank:** keith, I think we’re soulmates

**Kink:** omg, that explains everything

**Lank:** dude, we’re meant to be together

**Kink:** forever, dude

**Lank:** Keith, omg, i

**Lank:** i love you

**Kink:** gaysp

**Kink:** Lance, omg

**Kink:** I love you too. 

**Bonk:** I’m Going To Stop Both Of You

**Adamn:** if you two love each other it makes it weird cuz I’m love shiro and shiro is keefs bro and lance is my cuz

**Daddy:** yeah, lets not

**Daddy:** stick to the plot pls

**MattyB:** uwu

**Stoner:** owo!!

**MattyB:** I’m stealing shay from you adam

**Adamn:** WANNA FIGHT BITCH

  
  


 

**_Shaelyn Stone to Hunk Garrett_ **

 

**Shaelyn Stone:** YOU FUCKING LIKE HIM

**Hunk Garrett:** EXCUSE ME

**Shaelyn:** you like keeeeeef~~~~

**Hunk Garrett:** hmm, sorry, dont think ive ever met a keef

**Shaelyn Stone:** bruh

**Hunk Garrett:** hes just

**Hunk Garrett:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Shaelyn Stone:** I feel that

**Shaelyn Stone:** but, ngl, i thought you had a thing for me for a hot second

**Hunk Garrett:** idk, I just thought you were super pretty and cool

**Hunk Garrett:** sometimes I get “admiring someone's aesthetic from afar” and  “omg this person is perfect, let me scream about it” mixed up

**Shaelyn Stone:** so you’re not into me?

**Hunk Garrett:** is the correct answer no?

**Shaelyn Stone:** yes. 

**Hunk Garrett:** yes?

**Shaelyn Stone:** NO

**Hunk Garrett:** no.

**Shaelyn Stone:** yes to the no

**Hunk Garrett:** ok ok

**Hunk Garrett:** but yeah

**Hunk Garrett:** I think i might like him

**Hunk Garrett:** and idk, it started out as a joke? Y’know? But now I can’t tell when i’m being serious and when he’s being serious. 

**Shaelyn Stone:** I get that

**Shaelyn Stone:** just trust your gut, brother

**Hunk Garrett:** my gut?

**Shaelyn Stone:** ye

**Hunk Garrett:** my guts telling me that I want to make some tacos

**Shaelyn Stone:** you cant eat your problems away, hunk

**Hunk Garrett:** watch m e

**Shaelyn Stone:** s i g h 

  
  


**_Big Brown Beauties_ **

 

**Shay:** they’re hopeless

**Lura:** idk whomest youre talking about, but the answer is yes. 

**Shay:** s I G H

**Shay:** the gays

**Lura:** oH

**Lura:** yeah, Keith is being a dodo head

**Shay:** same with Hunk

**Lura:** you talked to him about it?

**Shay:** i aint snitching

**Lura:** fair enough

**Lura:** but now that we’re both on the inside

**Lura:** we should make a plan

**Shay:** do i get to wear a cool spy outfit sometime during this plan?

**Lura:** yes, of course, duh

**Lura:** whats a good secret mission without some spy suits

**Shay:** awful. 

**Lura:** EXACTLY

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to add some klance bromance cuz even tho they wont be uwu in this fic, they still own my heart. they do become best friends and they still love each other just not in an uwu way.


	9. dickarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heart eyes motherfuckerr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did this instead of an essay that was literally due last week lmao

**_Sus_ **

**Shiro:** OPERATION CRASH PLANCE DATE IS A GO

 **Matt:** do u all have your disguises

 **Matt:** allura is wearing a moustache im crying

 **Keith:** smh, I have to fucking tie up my hair because apparently lance can “recognize that mullet anywhere”

 **Adam:** PSSSSH

 **Adam:** shiro is wearing a hat that says “i just fucked your bitch”

 **Keith:** hEY THATS MY HAT

 **Shiro:** :3

 **Hunk:** of course it is omg

 **Allura:** Keith is wearing his “disappointed but not surprised” shirt

 **Shay:** thats gonna be pidge and lance when they see us.

 **Allura:** PSSSSSSSSSSSSSH

 **Adam:** ARE WE READY TO ROLL OUT

 **Keith:** aUtObOts rOlL oUt

 **Hunk:** marry me

 **Keith:** ok, bet

 **Shay:** tHis Is a PlAnCe gC

 **Hunk:** huh? Sorry, can’t hear you, you're cutting out

 **Shay:** huNK WE’RE TEXTING

 **Hunk:** THE NUMBER YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH IS UNAVAILABLE, DONT TRY AGAIN LATER, YOU TRICK ASS THOT

 **Keith** : wow, that was hot

 **Allura:** sigh, Shiro, Adam, get in your minivan and come pick us up

 **Shay:** Hunk and Keith can sit in the back

 **Shiro:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Matt:** EW COOTIES

 **Adam:** I’m a mother of 3

 **Adam:** AND IM ABOUT TO SNAP, TAKASHI GET YOUR BUBBLE BUTT INTO THIS MINIVAN RIGHT NOW

 **Shiro:** SHIT DAMN, OK

 **Allura:** momma let out her claws

 **Adam:** yall best’ve be ready

 **Shay:** Hunk and I are in the parking lot uwu

 **Allura:** im a queefs and mattybraps place

 **Matt:** queef colgate

 **Keith:** choke

 **Matt:** only if you're the one doing the choking

 **Keith:** babe, not in front of the kids

 **Adam:** i will kill you all

 

 

**_Big Brown Beauties_ **

**Shay:** LMAO, TELL ME WHY HUNKS LOWKEY GETTING JEALOUS OF MATT AND KEITH FAKE FLIRTING

 **Lura:** NO WAY BRO

 **Shay:** WAY

 **Lura:** PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH

 **Lura:** hehhehehehhehehhehe

 **Shay:** i have a feeling that its gonna be hard to get these dumb asses to admit their feelings

 **Lura:** worm?

 **Shay:** I say we bring in reinforcements.

 **Lura:** w o r m ?

 

 

* * *

 

**_Plants_ **

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** where did you goooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 **Laaaaaance:**  went to go refill our drinks uwu

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** omg, im gonna cash in these tickets WITHOUT YOU

 **Laaaaaance:** you wouldnt dare!!! I said that _I’m_ getting you that owl!!!!!!!!!

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** and who says that im not getting you that shark??

 **Laaaaaance:** :O

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** suck on THAT gender norms

 **Laaaaaance:** sigh

 **Laaaaaance:** do u want more apple juice or something else?

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** apple juice bls

 **Laaaaaance:** coming right up

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** thank yoYGRFEUHIUW

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** LCNAE

 **Laaaaaance:** pidge, you alright? Do i need to get a doctor??

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** LANCE

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** no im fine thank u tho

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** buT LANCE

 **Laaaaaance:** wut

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** ALL OF OUR FRIENDS ARE HERE

 **Laaaaaance:** w

 **Laaaaaance:** what

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** oh my god, adam and shiro are pushing a stroller and im p sure matt is in said stroller

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** ALLURA IS WEARING A MOUSTACHE AND SHAY HAS AN AFRO????

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** oh my gOD, HUNK IS WEARING A TRENCH COAT AND IM P SURE KEITH IS IN THERE WITH HIM

 **Laaaaaance:** what are they doing here

 **Laaaaaance:** _oh my god, they’re crashing our date_

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** oh

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** so this is a real date?

 **Laaaaaance:** uh, I mean yeah? But like, only if you want it to be a real date

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I wouldn’t mind it being a real date

 **Laaaaaance:** coolio

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** totally rad

 **Laaaaaance:** absolutely _epic_

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I TAKE IT ALL BACK

 **Laaaaaance:** psssh, what are our pals doing now?

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** wh- oh, they’re looking around

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** AH SHIT THEY’RE COMING THIS WAY

 **Laaaaaance:** HIDE??????????

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OK OK

 

**_Sus_ **

**Shiro:** i dont see them anywhere?

 **Adam:** SPREAD OUT AND LOOK FOR  CLUES GANG

 **Shay:** lance is by the soda fountain

 **Matt:** AND he’s getting apple juice, _which means pidge is near by_

 **Allura:** LANCE JUST SPOTTED US, SCATTER

 

 

**_Plants_ **

**Laaaaaance:** DID YOU SEE THAT

 **Laaaaaance:** I MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ALLURA, SHE SCREAMED SCATTER AND THEY ALL RAN

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** DGVHBSJK

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I tipped the guy behind the prize counter, I am currently hiding there

 **Laaaaaance:** ill try my best to sneak over to you uwu

 **Laaaaaance:** if you block me i will scream

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** boohoo

 **Laaaaaance:** :[

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** do u just wanna hide in the arcade area and then play laser tag _after_ they give up and leave

 **Laaaaaance:** bold of you to assume they’ll give up

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** hate how true that is

 

 

**_Sus_ **

**Keith:** WE LOST SIGHT OF LANCE

 **Shay:** what? No, he’s just behind the prize counter

 **Shay:** pidge is there too

 **Allura:** shay,,,you do know that we were trying to find them, right?

 **Shay:** oooooooooooooooh yeah

 **Shay:** lmao, Hunk, the high finally kicked in

 **Hunk:** lmao

 **Adam:** why did you decide to get high on our secret mission

 **Hunk:** so I wouldn’t break into tears if lance confronted us

 **Shiro:** fair enough

 **Matt:** yall, I’m hiding in the pile of toys next to the counter, I can hear them being all cute and junk, its gross

 **Allura:** how did they not see you

 **Matt:** too busy looking at each other uwu

 **Keith:** oh my god

 

**_Bro_ **

**Rock Bro:** hey bro

 **Rock Bro:** hows your date bro

 **Shark Bro:** oh, y’know, had to make some changes because _SOMEONE_ decided to crash it

 **Rock Bro:** who would do th- oh yeah wait

 **Shark Bro:** r u high

 **Rock Bro:** no, this is patrick

 **Shark Bro:** sigh

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** you guys aint slick

 **Kink:** whatever are you referring to?

 **Daddy:** idk what u talkin bout

 **Alluring:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Lank:** [squont]

 **Stoner:** squint squont

 **Alluring:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Lank:** anywho

 **Lank:** Pidge and I are heading out to watch a movie, yall need to make sure hunk gets home before you lose him and they find him in a garbage bin outside,,,,again

 **Adamn:** _again_

 **Bonk:** I can explain everything

 **Burb:** :[

 **Burb:** yall made this date even more fun, we got to hide from yall and talk about fake things while matt was spying on us

 **MattyB:** you knew i was there?

 **Lank:** dude,,,,you sneezed and then said “god bless you, Matthew”

 **MattyB:** hell yeah i did

 **Daddy:** sigh

 **Kink:**  our plan was unsuccessful, yall didnt even play laser tag

 **Lank:** nah, ,we’re saving that for our second date

 **Bonk:** second date, you say?

 **Burb:** oh would you look at the time, Lance we gotta blast

 **Lank:** oooooh noooooooooo, I’ll miss you all dearly

 **Lank:** _crash the movie and I’ll cut off your arms and legs, put your arms where your legs used to be and then beat you with your own legs_

 **Lank:** k, bye bye!!!!

 **Alluring:** I am strangely turned on by that

 **Stoner:** me too, wtf, chop me up daddy

 **Adamn:**  OK NOPE

 

 

**_Hunk Garrett added Keith Kogane to a chat_ **

**_Hunk Garrett named the chat Kitchen Fire_ **

**_Hunk Garrett changed their name to Hunkey_ **

**_Hunkey changed Keith Kogane’s name to Keef_ **

 

**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Hunkey:** you wanna come back to my place and watch bad horror movies?

 **Keef:** wow, you sure know the way to a mans heart

 **Keef:** bet, of course I will

 **Hunkey:** rad, wanna cuddle again?

 **Keef:** uh, of fucking course???????/ what kinda question is that lmao

 **Hunkey:** sweet, just,,,,bros being bros

 **Keef:** yup,,,,bros

 **Hunkey:** uh huh

 **Keef:** sure thing

 **Hunkey:** Totally

 **Keef:** of course

 **Hunkey:** ok, ill uh, see you in the van

 **Keef:** that you will.

 **Hunkey:** yup

 **Keef:** mhm

 **Hunkey:** ok bye now

 **Keef:** bye bye

 

 

**_Thotty Party_ **

**Kooth:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKING SHOOT ME

 **Olloo:** w

 **Olloo:** what

 

**_Hunk Garrett to Shaelyn Stone_ **

**Hunk Garrett:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Shaelyn Stone:** wait a min

**_Shaelyn Stone changed their name to Shay_ **

**_Shaelyn Stone changed Hunk Garrett’s name to Hunk_ **

**_Shaelyn Stone changed the chat name to Shunk_ **

 

 **Shay:** continue

 **Hunk:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM GONNA YEET MYSELF INTO THE SUN

 **Shay:** that sounds unhealthy

 **Hunk:** I take it back, I’m yeeting you into the sun

 **Shay:** I’m icarus coming for that dickarus

 **Hunk:** n

 **Hunk:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [*inhale*] YOUCANDANCEYOUCANJIVEHAVINGTHETIMEOFYOURLIFFE


	10. gay power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I don't even know
> 
> A NEW CHARACTER (i missed him)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH lets just say, I Know How Pidge Feels ANd I Hate It

**_So no head???_ **

**Lank:** why did I come home to Hunk and Keith sleeping on the kitchen counter

 **Lank:** why is the Mamma Mia soundtrack playing in the background

 **Lank:** who ate my cake????????????????

 **Daddy:** oh my god

 **Stoner:** I TOLD YOU GUYS WE SHOULDN'T LET KEITH GO HOME WITH HUNK

 **Allurable:** LANCE, ARE THEY STILL WEARING PANTS

 **Lank:** yes

 **Adamn:** disappointing

 **MattyB:** are they cuddling

 **Lank:** ye

 **MattyB:** ,,,on the kitchen counter?????

 **Lank:** yeah, thats what i said

 **Daddy:** sigh

 **Burb:** thats great, take pictures

 **Lank:** already ahead of you, Katie dearest

 **Burb:** send them to me pls

 **Lank:** of course

 **Stoner:** nasty

 **Alluring:** disgusting

  


 

**_Holts Hate Howdy_ **

**Greenbean:** is it normal for me to scream every time lance send me a selfie

 **Stringbean:** i mean, yeah

 **Greenbean:** im gonna eat my foot

 **Stringbean:** no,,

 **Stringbean:** dont do that

 **Greenbean:** matt

 **Greenbean:** u dont understand

 **Greenbean:** _his smile_

 **Greenbean:** i thikn im having a stroke

 **Stringbean:** pidge omg

 **Stringbean:** you guys went on a date!!! He likes u!!! U like him!!!! Leave me alone!!!!!

 **Greenbean:** fuck!!!! You!!!!

  
  


**_Sus_ **

**Matt:** google, when will pidge stop harassing me about how cute lance is?

 **Allura:** never

 **Shay:** his cuteness is unlimited

 **Matt:** shit, u rite

 **Matt:** but she can't know that

 **Matt:** she told me that she screams every time he sends her a selfie

 **Adam:** thats so cute

 **Shiro:** sounds like keith

 **Keith:** no it doesnt

 **Shiro:** WHERE DID U COME FROM

  


 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** tELL ME WHY KEITH JUST SAT UP OUT OF A DEAD SLEEP, MUTTERED “they’re talking about me”  AND OPENED HIS PHONE, SENT A MESSAGE, THEN PLOPPED BACK DOWN ONTO HUNK

 **Daddy:** [sobbing] why is he like this

 **Adamn:** I didn’t raise no bitch

 **Daddy:** U DIDNT RAISE HIM

 **Adamn:** u raised a demon

 **Daddy:** how did he know i was talking about him

 **Burb:** its all the gay energy, man

 **Lank:** hunk just fell off the counter

 **Lank:** WHERE DID KEITH GET A KNIFE

 **Daddy:** allura, can you go save lance?

 **Alluring:** I’M BUSY WITH HIGH SHAY

 **Stoner:** are you? Are you really?

 **Stoner:** no, no you’re not

 **Stoner:** Shay is fine

 **Daddy:** ok, yeah, I’m gonna go get keith

 **Kink:** I WILL GO NO WHERE OF THE SORT WITH ANYONE WITH THE YOU

 **Daddy:** oh god

 **Bonk:** dont take him away, i love him

 **Kink:** y  E A   H

 **Kink:** he loves me, you cant take me away

 **MattyB:** you both are going to regret all of this

 **Bonk:** I COULD NEVER REGRET ANYTHING TO DO WITH KEITH

 **Daddy:** that was my thought process

 **Kink:** fuck all yall hoes

 **Kink:** yall’ve bitches

 **Burb:** I don’t think you're using that right

 **Kink:** YALL’VE BITCHES

 **Bonk:**  b i c t h

 **Bonk:** let us love each other in peace

 **Kink:** we’re gonna go cuddle in hunks room

 **MattyB:** use protection

 **Kink:** I have my knife on me, dont worry

 **MattyB:** thats not-

 **MattyB:** alright

 **Kink:** uwu

 **Lank:** BIG SCREEN SHOT

 **Burb:** BIGGEST SCREEN SHOT EVER

  
  


**_Lotor Daibazaal to Lance McClain_ **

**Lotor D:** hello, Lance

 **Lance M:** sup, broski

 **Lotor D:** it surprises me how informal you are

 **Lance M:** are you hating

 **Lotor D:** mayhaps

 **Lance M:** who the fuck says “mayhaps”

 **Lotor D:** me, bitch

 **Lance M:** thats more like it

 **Lance M:** now, what do you want?

 **Lotor D:** we need to study for our test

 **Lance M:** AH SHIT

 **Lotor D:** you forgot, didn’t you?

 **Lance M:** ,,,,mayhaps

 **Lotor D:** Lance!

 **Lance M:** I’m sorry!!

 **Lance M:** where do you wanna meet up?

 **Lotor D:**  I get off of work in 15

 **Lance M:** I’ll just meet you there

 **Lotor D:** great, don’t forget your text book this time

 **Lance M:** ,,,,thank you

  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** someone needs to come babysit the babies, I forgot I have a study sesh at The Yellow Cafe

 **Allurable:** YELLOW CAFE YOU SAY?

 **Lank:** ye

 **Allurable:** wait, is this for biology with Thace?

 **Lank:** ye

 **Allurable:** would it be possible for me to join u?

 **Lank:** lemme ask

 

 

**_Lance McClain to Lotor Daibazaal_ **

**Lance M:** can my pal join us? She also has this class

 **Lotor D:** yeah, just make sure there is no fuckery

 **Lance M:** no fuckery, got it uwu

 **Lance M:** dont block me

 **Lotor D:** don’t tempt me

  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** LURA, MEET ME AT THE CAFE, BRING YOUR JUNK

 **Allurable:** SHIT OK, I NEED TO TUCK SHAY IN, ILL BE RIGHT THERE

 **Daddy:** im on my way to supervise Hunk and Keith

 **Lank:** cool, I’m out of here, peace out

 **Burb;** dont die

 **Lank:** no promises

 **Burb:** :(

 **Lank:** I KID

 **Burb:** :)

  
  


**_Lance McClain to Lotor Daibazaal_ **

**Lance M:** I’m out front, my pal should be here soon

 **Lotor D:** k, i’m off in 5

 **Lance M:** groovy

  


* * *

 

 

**_Big Brown Beauties_ **

**Lura:** OH MY FUCING GOD

 **Lura:** LANCES STUDY PARTNER IS THE CUTE GUY THAT WORKS AT THE CAFE

 **Lura:** OMG HIS HAIR

 **Lura:** OMG HE’S BRITISH, I’VE FOUND MY PEOPLE

 **Shay:** go, be great, get that dick

 **Lura:** I regret you

 **Shay:** no

 **Lura:** sigh

 **Shay:** n o

 **Lura:** ,,,no

 **Shay:** better

 **Shay:** now go get that dick before it like, idk, dies or something

 **Lura:** WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

 **Shay:** idk, i ask myself that a lot

 **Lura:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  


 

**_Mermaid Squad uwu_ **

**Allurable:** LANCE YOU DIDNT TELL ME HE WAS THIS HOT

 **Lancey:** whomst?

 **Allurable:** YOUR STUDY DUDE

 **Lancey:** Lotor?

 **Allurable:** I’VE BEEN THIRSTING AFTER HIM FOR WEEKS

 **Lancey:** spicy

 **Allurable:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Lancey:** don’t worry, ill hook yall up

 **Allurable:** dont

 **Allurable:** you

 **Allurable:** dare

 **Lancey:** I’M GONNA GO ORDER A COFFEE, ALL BY MYSELF AND LEAVE YOU ALONE WITH HIM, BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE

 **Allurable:** I will kill you

 **Lancey:** you’ll make hunk sad if you do that

 **Allurable:** _fuck, you’re untouchable_

 **Lancey:** uwu

  
  


**_Lotor Daibazaal to Lance McClain_ **

**Lotor D:** your friend is very attractive

 **Lance M:** tfryghiefuroihurgfhreriufdg

 **Lotor D:** did you just have a seizure?

 **Lance M:** idk, most likely   

 **Lance M:** but yeah,,,she hot

 **Lance M:** _and single and into guys with nice voices and pretty hair_

 **Lotor D:** my time has come

 **Lance M:** dont fail me

 **Lotor D:** you have taught me well

 **Lance M:** dont fuck up

 **Lotor D:** OK DONT YELL AT ME

 **Lance M:** I DIDNT

 **Lotor D:** YOU ARE RIGHT NOW

 **Lance M:** NO IM NOT

 **Lotor D:** sTOP YELLING, IM FRAGILE

 **Lance M:** OMG, JUST TALK TO HER

 **Lotor D:** yeeesh, ok, you don’t have to be mean about it

 **Lance M:** I give up

 **Lotor D:** tragic

 **Lotor D:** LANCE UNBLOCK ME THIS INSTANT

 **Lance M:** LALALALLALA, CANT HEAR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

 **Lotor D:** _blasphemy_

 **Lance M:** we using big words now?

 **Lance M:** how bout you put on your big boy pants and tALK TO HER

 **Lotor D:** ok ok

 **Lance M:** my life is so hard

  
  


**_Mermaid Squad uwu_ **

 

 **Allurable:** why did he just slap you?

 **Lancey:** I don’t wanna talk about it.

                                                                                                                                                                                       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHE IS THE MOTHERFUCKING DANCING QUEEN, YOUNG AND FUCKING SWEET
> 
>  
> 
> also, i forgot that Thaces name was Thace and I kept saying Thanos in my head, I knew it was wrong but It Felt Right


	11. tasters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CAAAAAAAAAAAAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> thats all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATE HOW CLOSE THE B AND V KEY ARE, I TRIED PUSHING CTRL + B TO BOLD, BUT I KEPT PUSHING V INSTEAD, AND A PICTURE OF DAVID DOBRIK HOLDING A BABY KEPT POPPING YUP. Not that I'm complaining, it was adorable. 
> 
> Also short chapter, sorry, dont hate me

**_Lotor Daibazaal to Allura Altea_ **

**Lotor D:** Hello, i hope you remember me from our last meeting. I’m Lotor, Lance’s “study buddy”

 **Lotor D:** I hope I’m not prying, but I asked Lance for your number, I hope you do not mind.

 **Allura A:** Oh yes, hello

 **Allura A:** I don’t mind at all! Actually, I have to admit that I was going to ask for your contact information as well.

 **Allura A:** You seem like a very interesting person

 **Lotor D:** Oh, well, thank you, that isn’t said often

 **Lotor D:** may I ask why you think I am so interesting?

 **Allura A:** its the hair

 **Lotor D:** I KNEW IT

 **Allura A:** ITS REALLY COOL, OK?

 **Lotor D:** OH I KNOW

 **Allura A:** gyrtuieoiwp

 **Lotor D:** I’m glad we got past the formal bits

 **Allura A:** I almost answered you with “oh worm, me too” But i stopped myself

 **Lotor D:** DAMN, I WISH YOU DIDN’T

 **Allura A:** ME TOO, THE FUCK

 **Lotor D:** FHGUDHIJSK

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Allurable:** LANCE I LOVE YOU

 **Lank:** ,,,,,what did i do?

 **Allurable:** L O TO R

 **Lank:** huh, I think I would remember if I did Lotor

 **Kink:** YGUYGIUFDSDOI

 **Allurable:** THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW THAT

 **Lank:** oh yeah, i gave him your number

 **Daddy:** I must meet him, as your honorary groupchat dad, and deem him worthy

 **Allurable:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **Daddy:** also if anyone ever hurt you I Would Destroy Them

 **Stoner:** shes gonna start crying, shiro, you know this

 **Allurable:** MY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS

 **Kink:** its boy, I didn’t say shit

 **Allurable:** Yeah, but you still love me

 **Kink:** proof?

 **Allurable:** you’re with me rn??

 **Kink:** _proof?_

**_Allurable sent a picture_ **

**Allurable:** your head is literally on my lap right now

 **Burb:** I love soft keith

 **MattyB:** My favorite keith

 **Bonk:** I need a moment

 **Bonk:** several moments

 **Bonk:** I’ll be back in 17 minutes

 **Kink:** ,,,why

 **Lank:** seriously, isn’t it obvious?

 **Kink:** no???

 **Daddy:** oh! You didn’t know? Keith is the most oblivious person ever to live ever

 **Kink:** not true!!

 **Burb:** Rolo was flirting with you and you somehow mistook it for him wanting to fight you and you punched him in the face

 **Kink:** HE’S A GOOD GUY, I STILL FEEL BAD

 **Adamn:** it took you 7 months to find out that Takashi and I were dating (the first time) even tho I was always at your house and we literally slept in the same bed and cuddled on the couch next to you

 **Kink:** I THOUGHT IT WAS BROS BEING BROS

 **Kink:** I HEARD SHIRO WHISPER “no homo” QUITE A LOT

 **Daddy:** you got me there

 **Adamn:** shit, he broke the code

 **Daddy:** SCATTER

 **Adamn:** YEET

 **MattyB:** hi, yes, I would like to return these. Why? Because I no longer wish to have them in my possession

 **Stoner:** I’ll buy shiro from you.

 **Daddy:** ,,,why

 **Stoner:** don’t ask questions, bitch  

 **Allurable:** shes still high, im sorry

 **Daddy:** dont be, I like it rough

 **Adamn:** OK, UH, WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

 **Bonk:** pies

 **Kink:** CHERRY IS SUPERIOR

 **Lank:** cherry is literally the worst

 **Lank:** it like, does not belong in pies

**Kink:**

**Kink:**

**Kink:**

**Burb:** he’s been typing for a while,

 **Lank:** I am very scared

 **Kink:** HOW **DARE** YOU? I DEDICATE MY LIFE TO THIS GROUp, I GET 76 GREY HAIRS EVERYDAY BECAUSE OF THE STRESS THAT I AM BEING PUT THROUGH, I HAVE TO SHAVE MY HEAD EVERY HOUR, AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO TELL ME THAT CHERRIES DONT BELONG IN PIES? WHATS NEXT? ALIENS ARENT REAL? NO? THEY ARE, AND CHERRIES ARE THE MEGA BEST PIE FILLER AND YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOUR TASTERS CANT HANDLE THE GLORY THAT IS CHERRY PIE. I CANT BELIEVE THIS SLANDER IN MY OWN HOME, IN MY OWN LOBBY, IN MY OWN BATHROOM. I CANT BELIEVE THE DISRESPECT. THATS IT, IM MOVING TO FUCKING CANADA AND IM GONNA LIVE UNDER A FUCKING BRIDGE. YOU DID THIS. YOU DID THIS TO ME. I WILL NEVER BE A SUCCCCCSESFUL WOMEN BECAUSE OF THIS SLANDER. I FOUGHT IN 87 WARS, KID. I LOST ALL OF MY EYES. IVE BEEN THROUGH 6 OF MY NINE LIVES. DONT TEST ME. I WILL SMITE YOU WHERE YOU STAND. I JUST CANT TAKE THIS. 3 OF MY 7 HEARTS ARE BLEEDING, YOU CAUSED ME INTERNAL BLEEDING. IM DYING NOW. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY    

 **Stoner:** ,,,tasters?

 **Lank:** how is that the only thing you question?

 **Stoner:** t a s t e r s

 **Lank:** keith is dying from internal bleeding because 3/7 of his hearts are bleeding, and you're worried about tasters?

 **Stoner:**   **T A S T E R S**

 **MattyB:** he means taste buds

 **Bonk:** ,,,brb, I gotta do something

 **Allurable:** you’re gonna make keith a cherry pie, aren’t you?

 **Bonk:** u H, nO IM CONSPIRING WITH THE ILLUMINATI    

 **Kink:** _even better_

 **Bonk:** you’re making things very hard for me

 **Kink:** how so?

 **Bonk:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Stoner:** my mom makes this oreo cream pie, its really good

 **Allurable:** should make some for me uwu

 **Stoner:** anything for you uwu

 **Lank:** gAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

 **MattyB:** you’re one to talk, you and Keith act like an old married couple

 **Kink:** ITS BECAUSE WE’RE SOULMATES, MATTHEW

 **Lank:** more like Ratthew

 **MattyB:** GASP

 **Kink:** LANCE I LOVE YOU

 **Lank:** I LOVE YOU TOO BABE

 **Daddy:** they will destroy us all

 **Lank:** and we'll look fabulous while doing it

 **Kink:** get fucked sluts

 **Allurable:** is that an offer?

 **Kink:** for you?

 **Kink:** always

 **Allurable:** GET OVER HERE BITCH

 **Kink:** im suddenly straight and interested in fucking allura

 **Kink:** is this every teen romance movie ever?

 **Adamn:** TOO REAL KEITH, TOO REAL

 **MattyB:** iN tHe ArMs oF aN aNgEl

 **Daddy:** shut up, Ratthew

 **Lank:** yeah, Ratthew, god

 **MattyB:**  THIS IS CYBER BULLYING

 **Kink:** heh, whata pussy

 **Burb:** i hate you all

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

**_Lotor Daibazaal to Allura Altea_ **

**Lotor D:** so, would you be down to go out with me?

 **Lotor D:** Maybe get to know each other over a cup of coffee

 **Lotor D:** ,,,again?

 **Allura A:** I WOULD BE SO DOWN

 **Lotor D:** what day works for you?

 **Allura A:** how does saturday sound?

 **Lotor D:** I get off at 2, so maybe 2:30?

 **Allura A:** sounds perfect!

 **Lotor D:** honestly, that was the easiest date planning I have ever done

 **Allura A:** I know, I’m amazing, you don’t need to tell me

 **Lotor D:** actually, I think I am busy

 **Allura A:** GASP

 **Lotor D:** I’m kidding! I would never pass up the chance to see you again

 **Allura A:** oh, we’re bringing out the flirting now, are we?

 **Lotor D:** I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about :)

 **Allura A:** I’ll see you Saturday, pretty boy

 **Lotor D:** I’ll be counting down the days, beautiful.

 **Allura A:** OOO, YOU’RE GOOD

 **Lotor D** : HA

  


**_ Kitchen Fire _ **

**Keef:** can you come over? Matt left and I’m lonely and miss you

 **Hunkey:** you’re gonna be the death of me

 **Keef:** huh?

 **Hunkey:** nothing, nothing

 **Hunkey:** yeah, ill be over in about 20, I have to finish something up

 **Hunkey:** want me to bring you one of my sweaters?

 **Keef:** are you an angel?

 **Hunkey:** no, I’m a Hunk

 **Keef:** hell yeah you are

 **Hunkey:** gruefhidjwok

 **Keef:** I’ll get my room set up with a bunch of fuzzy blankets so we can be extra comfy

 **Hunkey:** sounds like a plan

 **Hunkey:** I’ll see you soon, Keith

 **Keef:** see you soon, Hunkey

 

 

**_Bro_ **

**Rock Bro:** HES GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME

 **Shark Bro:** heh, gay

 **Rock Bro:** WHERE ARE YOU, IMMA BEAT YOUR BUTT

 **Shark Bro:** NOT MY BUTT, THATS MY MOST IMPORTANT FEATURE

 **Shark Bro:** HOW AM I GONNA SUPPORT OUT FAMILY BY BEING A STRIPPER IF I HAVE NOTHING TO SHAKE

 **Rock Bro:** sigh

 **Rock Bro:** I’m going over to Keith’s

 **Rock Bro:** so leave me alone and dont blow up my phone crying over Gossip girl

 **Shark Bro:** BUT CHUCK BASS

 **Rock Bro:** NO

 **Shark Bro:** YOU CANT SAY NO TO CHUCK BASS, HES CHUCK BASS

 **Rock Bro:** WELL I JUST DID

 **Shark Bro:** IM CALLING THE POLICE

 **Rock Bro:** THEY’LL NEVER FIND ME

 **Shark Bro:** oh they’ll find you alright, find you balls deep in K-

  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Bonk:** Lance just died in a freak accident, can I get an F in chat?

 **Kink:** f

 **Daddy:** f

 **Stoner:** f

 **Adamn:** f

 **MattyB:** f

 **Allurable:** f

 **Burb:** f

 **Burb:** wait, no, I like him, what did you do to him

 **Bonk:** nothing that you can prove in court

 **Lank:** F

 **Bonk:** BEGONE THOT

  
  
  
  
  
  


                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOUNG AND SWEET
> 
>  
> 
> The cherry pie thing is 100% real, I flipped out on my friends and mentally blocked them all because they're tasters can't handle true art


	12. they dont actually fuck, omg, im a child i can't write that shit wtf, get your mind out of the gutter omg you nasty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the title of this chapter explains a lot, 
> 
>  
> 
> yeah mostly, just a lot of dumb shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while watching Fanboy and Chumchum
> 
> also short chapter im sorry I couldn't think of anything else to add

**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** why is the dining halls only good option cheese fries?

 **Lank:** why do I let myself eat mainly cheese fries every day?

 **Allurable:** you live with hunk, whats wrong with you?

 **Lank:** I ask myself that question a lot

 **Stoner** : pssssssssh

 **Lank:** but Hunk spent the night at Queef’s place and I was too scared to touch the oven in fears of Hunk popping out of it and stabbing me

 **Daddy:** wh

 **Lank:** its happened before

 **Burb:** It’s Happened Before.

 **Adamn:** I don’t understand you youngsters and your violence

 **MattyB:** ya kids wanna know how Shiro got his scar

 **Daddy:** I read that in the joker's voice

 **MattyB:** good.

 **Adamn:** tell them and I kill you

 **MattyB:** Adam threw a knife at shiro

 **Adamn** : dead to me

 **Stoner:** TFYGUHJK

 **MattyB:** why? Because there was a spider on shiros shoulder and Adam couldnt think of literally anything else to do

 **Daddy:** I swear it happened in slow motion

 **MattyB:** oh it definitely did

 **Adamn:** yEAH WELL, MATT GOT HIS SCAR BECAUSE HE THREW SCISSORS AT HIMSELF

 **Stoner:** how do u throw scissors at yourself?

 **MattyB:** I WAS WASTED, BRO, YOU CANT DO ME THAT DIRTY

 **Daddy:** he threw them at a wall and they bounced back and got him in the cheek.

 **Lank:** when I was 11 my sister threw a hairbrush at me and cracked my head open

 **Stoner:** say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

 **Allurable:** PLS TELL THE STORY

 **MattyB:** grehfjd

 **Adamn:** omg yes i remember that

 **Lank:** we were spending the summer at my Abuela’s and Rachel was a firey preteen and kept torturing me and shot me with a bb-gun 3 times in the same week so Abuela threatened her.

 **Burb:** love that

 **Lank:** And then a few days later I was closing the bathroom door, and she meant to throw the brush at the door as soon as I closed it, right? But she threw it a little too early

 **Adamn:** All i remember was running upstairs to find Lance with blood dripping down his face, laughing his ass off, while Rachel cried about abuela killing her.

 **Burb:** HAHH

 **Allurable:**  I LOve That So Much

 **Matty:** wait lance, you were laughing?

 **Adamn:** HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS BLEEDING

 **Adamn:** he found out because Rachel was looking at him horrified, but he just looked in the mirror before laughing even more

 **Allurable:** 11 year old lance: chaotic neutral

 **Adamn:** he was a devil

 **Lank:** uwu

 **Adamn:** 11 year Lance was so dorky

 **Lank:** h e y

 **Adamn:** he had fucking braces and somehow always cut his cheeks and had like 7 bandaids on his face at all times

 **Adamn:** he wore his shirts inside-out and backward

 **Adamn:** he wore socks with sandals

 **Burb:** PSSSSSSSH

 **MattyB:** YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK, YOU WORE PIGTAILS FOR FUCKING 5 YEARS

 **Burb:** h e y

 **MattyB:** also, you had that gap in your teeth

 **MattyB:** remember when you bleached your hair?

 **Burb:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAA SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **Daddy:** I would tell you all about smol keith but I know I would die for it

 **Adamn:** he was a very inch resting child

 **Allurable:**  speaking of Keith....

 **Allurable:** where are Keith and hunk?

 **Allurable:** they’ve been MIA all day

 **Stoner:** Lance didnt you say that Hunk was at Keiths?

 **Lank:** oh boy

 **Daddy:** MATT PLEASE TELL US YOU’RE HOME

 **MattyB:** I’m sorry but I’m with my lovely girlfriend, the love of my life, the moon to my stars, the most beautiful bitch I have ever seen, the memeiest meme ever to meme, The sweetest gal I have ever met, the best person in general.

 **Burb:** we get it, you’re in a healthy and loving relationship

 **Lank:** Pidge that could be us but you don’t respond to my snapchats

 **Burb:** OK JUST CALL ME OUT PUBLICLY WHY DON'T YOU

 **Stoner:** PSSSH

 **Burb:** I DON’T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND, OK

 **Lank:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO RESPOND

 **Burb:** I KINDA GLITCH OUT WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE

 **Lank:** oH

 **Lank:** WELL, I KINDA SHORT CIRCUIT WHEN I SEE YOUR SMILE, BUT YOU DON’T RESPOND SO HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL

 **Burb:** IM SORRY I DONT KNOW HOW TO REACT TO SUCH BEAUTY

 **Lank:** OH GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOUR HOTTER

 **Burb:** WHY DONT YOU FUCK ME YOURSELF, YOU ASSHOLE

 **Lank:** FINE

 **Burb:** FINE.

**Allurable:**

**Daddy:**

**Adamn:**

**MattyB:**

**Stoner:**                            heh

 **Stoner:** hehehehheheheh

 **Stoner:** HAHVWSGHJFHWIRIE4TKJ

 **Stoner:** did that really just happen are am I That High?

 **MattyB:** My sister bouta get some lanky dick

 **Adamn:** TFFYGUHIJOK  


 

**_Plants_ **

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I hope you know that I actually want you to come over

 **Laaaaaance:** and I hope _you_ know that I’m already in an uber and on my way

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** saucy

 **Laaaaaance:** oh its gonna be real saucy

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I sure hope so

 

 

 

**_Bros_ **

**Rock Bro:** LANCE

 **Rock Bro:** L A N CE

 **Rock Bro:** LANCE

 **Rock Bro:** LANCE

 **Rock Bro:** LANCE

 **Rock Bro:** LANCE

 **Rock Bro:** LANCE

 **Shark Bro:** I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE SERIOUSLY COCK BLOCKING ME RIGHT NOW

 **Shark Bro:** WHAT DO YOU NEED

 **Rock Bro:** ,,,Keith held my hand

 **Shark Bro:** I’M ABOUT TO GET FREAKY, AND YOU’RE INTERRUPTING MY GOOD TIME TO TELL ME THAT KEITH _HELD YOUR HAND_

 **Rock Bro:** ,,,yes?

 **Rock Bro:** you blocked me, fair enough.

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Bonk:** so,,,what did we miss?

 **Kink:** I, personally, dont wanna know

 **Stoner:** well, Pidge and Lance left to bone

 **Stoner:** _like you guys?_

 **Bonk:** WHAT

 **Kink:** NO BONING HAPPENED

 **Daddy:** OH COME ON

 **Adamn:** I AM NOT LOSING THIS BET

 **Allurable:** I WILL NOT LOSE 67 DOLLARS BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE PUSSIES

 **Bonk:** we’re pussies because we don’t wanna fuck?

 **MattyB:** y e s

 **Kink:** well my bad, what if we wanted to take things slow in our relationship?

 **Kink:** NOT THAT THERE IS A RELATIONSHIP

 **Bonk:** hypothetically, of course, we would rather get to know each other more.

 **Kink:** yes, hypothetically, if there were to ever be a relationship between us

 **Bonk:** pssh, yeah, as if

 **Kink:** hahha yeah, that would never happen

 **Kink:** hahha

 **Bonk:** haha yeah

 **Stoner:** I need another joint

 

* * *

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** Hi we’re back

 **Burb:** and NO we didn’t fuck

 **Lank:** but we did make out and watch all the sharknado’s

 **Burb:** yes, we did do that

 **Lank:** Pidge is very cuddly and its adorable and I cried

 **Burb:** he actually did, it was cute

 **Stoner:** ,,,,,this is nasty, stop it, I’m gonna throw up my ravioli

 **Allurable:** I TOLD YOU TO EAT SOMETHING OTHER THAN RAVIOLI

 **Stoner:** YOU DONT OWN ME BITCH

 **Daddy:** good to see that things are back to normal

 **Kink:** shut up bitch

 **Daddy:** ah, normal.

 

 **_  
_ **                                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                         

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friday night and the lights are low looking out for a place to go


	13. bAbE!!!1!!11!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yall really thought I was playing when I said serious shit was coming your way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iN tHe ArMs oF aN aNgEl

**_So No head???_ **

**Burb** : i just got a vivid flashback from Keith's first date

**Kink** : I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING

**Burb** : I always think before speaking

**Bonk** : last week you told Shiro that he wasn't daddy anymore because you saw Lance shirtless and then freaked out because you didn't mean to say it outloud. 

**Lank** : im still so honored that you think im a daddy

**Burb** : STRAIGHT UP ZADDY

**Lank** : M A M I

**Stoner** : this is nasty, Pidge continue the story

**Burb** : HIS NAME WAS KEVIN

**Kink** :AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Bonk** : already hate him

**Allurable** : are you sure its not for any other reason

**Bonk** : i have not a clue as to what you might be refering to

**Burb** : SO THIS GUY KEVIN, THEY'RE AT A DANCE, Y'KNOW DANCING IT UP

**Burb** : and me being me, I'm asking this guy 70 questions per second because i need to know if hes good enough for my keefers

**MattyB** : Pidge was like a guard dog when it came to keith

**Kink** : it was like i had my own tiny body guard

**Burb** : i hate you both.

**Kink** : just go on with the story

**Burb** : and so i walk out with them when we're leaving because I’m waiting for matt to pick me up

**Burb** : and keith has his motorcycle

**Burb** : and this guy is like a total pussy

**Bonk** : not surprising 

**Allurable** : Hunk you're not helping your case here

**Bonk** : right, shutting up

**Burb** : psh

**Burb** : anyway, keith has his motorcycle

**Burb** : and keith gets on the motorcycle and the guy goes "is this safe?"

**Kink** : YEAH AND THEN PIDGE FUCKING GOES "it's the safest thing you'll ever have in between your legs

**Kink** : THANK GOD KEVIN DIDNT HEAR IT

**Allurable** : PIDGE OMG

**MattyB** : thats my fucking sister

**Burb** : there was a moment where Keith just looked at me before Kevin asked what I said and we both just shouted "NOTHING"

**Stoner** : AN ICON

**Stoner** : GOD A TRUE FUCKING ICON

**Lank** : god, you're hot

**Burb** : babe, not right now

**Daddy** : yeah babe, gosh

**Adamn** : babe, cool your jets, gosh babe

**Stoner** : babe, you need to like, cool it down babe, you're getting out of hand babe

**Allurable** : babe, i can't believe you would do that babe, right in front of my salad babe

**Bonk** : BABE! You know I like to keep the uwu talk in the bedroom babe, why do you have to embarrass me in front of my friends babe, wow babe, i really can't believe you would go so low, babe

**Kink** : babe, we're going to have to have a serious talk about your behavior babe, like, you need to cool it babe. You're lucky i love you babe, or else i would be really upset babe

**Burb** : ....

**_Burb left the group chat_ **

**MattyB** : LMAOOOOOOOOO

**Lank:** you all are bullies

**Allurable:** the best of the best

  
  


 

**_James Griffin to Keith Kogane_ **

**James G:** hey, Keith

**Keith K:** I thought I told you to lose my number

**Keith K:** _I also thought I blocked you?_

**James G:** Keith, please

**James G:** can we just talk for a moment?

**Keith K:** I don’t know, can we?

**James G:** please don’t do that

**James G:** please let me explain myself

**Keith K:** what if I don’t want to

**Keith K:** I thought I made myself very clear that I didn’t want to talk to you again

**James G:** you did, but I really need to explain what happened

**Keith K:** James, I don’t have the time to listen to you

**James G:** please, I would like to say it in person, to see you again

**Keith K:** wow, now you’re really pushing your limits

**James G:** please Keith, let me explain myself,,,what happened that night

**Keith K:** James, its not going to happen

**James G:** please just think it over, please, Keith

**Keith K:** fine, but I doubt it

**James G:** thank you, just, get back to me with your answer

**Keith K:** yeah, whatever

  
  


**_Three gays walk into a bar..._ **

**Kieth:** I have a problem

**Sihro:** whats new?

**Aadm:** whats up, Keith?

**Kieth:** ...James just texted me

**Sihro:** ACA SCUSE ME PITCH

**Aadm:** what did he want?

**Kieth:** he told me that he wanted to talk…

**Kieth:** in person

**Sihro:** SEND ME INSTEAD 

**Aadm:** what else did he say, keith?

**Kieth:** told me that he wanted a chance to explain himself

**Aadm:** and what did you say?

**Sihro:** DID YOU VERBALLY FUCK HIM UP

**Kieth:** I told him that I would think about it

**Kieth:** honestly, I don’t know if I can

**Kieth:** part of me wants to see him just to hear him out, to know what happened that night

**Kieth:** the other part of me wants to deck him again

**Sihro:** I THINK YOU SHOULD DECK HIM AGAIN

**Aadm:** things like this can be hard, but if he went as far as to contact you, he might truly be sorry

**Aadm:** or he is trying to find a way to get you back, and if that is the case he would use the sympathy card on you

**Sihro:** i wanna curb stomp him

**Kieth:** I honestly don’t know if I can go through with it

**Kieth:** I just got over him, I just got comfortable again with expressing my emotions without feeling vulnerable. I just started openly trusting people again, I think if I see him it might set me way back

**Aadm:** then tell him that keith, tell him that you don’t wish to meet in person, you would rather him say what he needs to say over text. Tell him that you’re doing good, that you’re moving on from him

**Sihro:** _don’t let him ruin my OTP, don’t let him ruin Heith_

**Kieth:** and there's the other thing!! 

**Kieth:** H u n k

**Kieth:** he’s so fucking good and he makes the butterflies in my stomach feel like dragons and I haven’t felt like that in forever and I’m just afraid that if I let James talk to me  _ at all _ that somehow I’ll become afraid of those dragons in my stomach. 

**Sihro:** ive never wanted to murder someone more

**Aadm:** then tell him you don’t want to talk. At all. 

**Kieth:** yeah, thanks Adam

**Aadm:** anytime, kiddo

**Kieth:** and thanks for the unneeded overprotective brother act, Shiro

**Sihro:** it's my specialty

  
  


**_Keith Kogane to James Griffin_ **

**Keith K:** It’s a no. 

**James G:** Keith,

**Keith K:** James I can’t do it. I don’t want to see you again. I don’t want you to set me back. I just got over what you did to me. My wounds just barely healed. I don’t want to hear what you have to say to me. I don’t care if it was on purpose or not, you cheated on me, you broke my heart. And honestly, good riddance. I am happy now, James. I’ve moved on from you and I found someone that I really fucking like, he’s amazing and he makes me feel things that I’ve never felt. I can’t let you set me back

**James G:** I

**James G:** I Understand, Keith

**Keith K:** goodbye 

**James G:** bye, Keith

 

 

 

**_Three gays walk into a bar…_ **

**Kieth:** that felt good

**Kieth:** but now I want cuddles

**Sihro:** on it

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Daddy:** someone go cuddle Keith, he needs it

**Bonk:** I’m at work :(((((((((((((((((((((

**Bonk:** I hate being an adult, can’t cuddle the cute boy when he needs cuddles because I have to pay bills :(

**Kink:** we can cuddle after work, Hunk

**Lank:** I’m free, I can come cuddle

**Kink:** how would pidge feel about that?

**Stoner:** ,,,where is pidge

 **MattyB:** ,,,,

 **Allurable:** ...

**Lank:** AH SHIT WE FORGOT TO ADD HER BACK

**_Lank added Burb to the group_ **

**Burb:** those were the best 15 minutes of my life

**Burb** : quiet, relaxing

 **Burb:** ALSO HOW DID YOU FORGET ME FOR 15 WHOLE FUCKING MINUTES

 **Lank:** IM SORRY I WAS PLAYING MOVIESTARPLANET

 **MattyB:** I just straight up forgot

 **Allurable:** same

 **Stoner:** yup

 **Burb:** nice to see how much I mean to everyone

 **Lank:** Pidge, I would willingly slap a baby shark for you

 **Burb:** thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me

 **Kink:** pidge, can your boyf come cuddle me, I'm sad and I want cuddles

**Burb:** I’m fine with it, as long as you both say no homo

**Kink:** already planning on that

**Bonk:** you're sad????

 **Kink:** yeah, I'd rather not talk about it right now

 **Daddy:** bitch ass bitch face looking mother fucker with that fucking cowlick bang 

 **Adamn:** shiro omg, cool your jets

 **Burb:** James???

 **Kink:** like I said, rather not talk about it right now

 **Lank:** I respect that

 **Kink:** i respect u

**Lank:** cool, I’m bringing Sex and The City with me and forcing you to watch it

**Kink:** oh please, I’m a Charlotte at heart

**Lank:** pidge, I’m leaving you for Keith

**Burb:** I beg to differ

**Bonk:** do that and I’ll break your toes

**Kink:** I would never leave you Hunkey  <3

**MattyB:** keith sent a heart,,,,

**Allurable:** SOMEONE CHECK HIS TEMP

**Stoner:** IM CALLING THE POLICE

**Adamn:** 911 H E L P

**Kink:** Hunk is the only person here who gets my hearts

**MattyB:** (and your di-

**Lank:** looks like the FBI killed him before he could finish his statement

**Daddy:** _Here lies Matthew Holt: his memes were dank, but his heart was dankier._

 

 

**_ Kitchen Fire _ **

**Hunkey:** I know you don't want to talk about it, but I am coming by later and I am bringing you some pie and I am letting you wear my hoodie and I am going to cuddle you

 **Hunkey:** I just wanna let you know that you can always trust me, I'm always down to help you and listen to your problems

 **Keef:** you're so good

 **Hunkey:** thanks?

 **Keef:** like, I don't think I've ever met someone with a bigger heart than yours. You're so sweet and caring and gentle and  _good_ and I appreciate you so much and I say yes to all of those things. Yes I wanna wear your sweater, yes I want pie, and omg yes I want cuddles. I also wanna play with your hair because its soft and I know that you like it because the last time I did it you conked right out

 **Hunkey:** you found my weakness

 **Keef:** Hunk,,,

 **Hunkey:** yeah?

 **Keef:** I

 **Keef:** Nevermind, just, text me when you're out of work so I can kick Lance out

 **Hunkey:** ok, Keith, talk to you later  <3

 **Keef:** see you soon  <33

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_  
_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where they play the right music  
> Getting in the swing  
> You come to look for a king
> 
> ,,,also I want you all to know that I'm planning something evil and you all are going to hate me for it but I'm not sorry because it'll work out in the end,,,,I think


	14. spaghett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinks  
> Zodiac signs  
> UWU TALK  
> ,,,,Some super secret plans??????

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** Kacey Musgraves can choke me and I would thank her

 **Kink:** Lance, I’ve never been more attracted to you

 **Lank:** come over then uwu

 **Burb:** How About No

 **Lank:** HOW ABOUT YES

 **Lank:** Keith, come over, bet you wont

 **Kink:** im already at ur place

 **Lank:** ,,,wait what

 **Bonk:** he’s literally been here all morning

 **Lank:** ,,,,brb

 **Allurable:** I wonder what he’s gonna do

 **Adamn:** something extra, knowing Lance

 **Lank:** what? Me? Nah, no way.

 **Bonk:** Lance there was literally no need to kick open my bedroom door and shout

 **Lank:** I THINK THERE WAS

**_Lank sent a video_ **

**Daddy:** GVGUHIJ “FBI, OPEN UP, SUSPECTED GAY ACTIVITY”

 **Burb:** Lance, come arrest me

 **Lank** : OMW

 **Allurable:** KEITH WHAT KINDA SCREAM WAS THAT

 **Kink:** A MANLY SCREAM

 **Stoner:** Hunk knew it was coming, for some reason Keith didn’t

 **Bonk:** its because I’m a god

 **Kink:** its because he’s a god

 **MattyB:** are we gonna ignore that Keith was just laying on his back on Hunks Stomach

 **Kink:** yes

 **Kink:** please

 **Bonk:** I was cold, ok

 **Daddy:** you’re laying on the blanket?

 **Bonk:** _shiro let me have this_

 **Daddy:** _Anything for you Hunk_

 **Adamn:** wow, you’ll do anything for Hunk but yoU CANT WASH YOUR OWN DISHES

 **Daddy:** yall hear something?

 **Adamn:** Takashi, I swear to god

 **Daddy:** suddenly I can’t read, i dont know how

 **Allurable:** SAVAGE

 **Stoner:** I know where keith gets it from now

 **Daddy:** what? His rugged good looks?

 **Stoner:** No, his asshole-ness

 **Kink:** hEy

 **Daddy:** fair enough

 **Bonk:** he’s not an asshole :(

 **Adamn:** shiro is very much of an asshole

 **Adamn:** but I love him

 **Daddy:** awww, ily2 babe

 **Stoner:** sigh

 **Allurable:** anyway

 **Allurable:** Keith, Hunk,

 **Allurable:** what were you guys even doing?

 **Bonk:**....

 **Kink:**.....

 **Kink:** watching furry tik tok’s

 **Lank:** IS THAT WHY YOU WERE CRYING

 **Bonk:** Y E S

 **Burb:** Keith, your hair is in a bun

 **Kink:** correct

 **Burb:** you look pretty

 **Kink:** Don’t I always look pretty?

 **Bonk:** yes.

 **Stoner:** once again, Hunk, you ain’t helping yourself

 **Allurable:** Keith is one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen

 **Lank:** A HOTTIE WITH A BODY

 **MattyB:** Lance wants to fuck

 **Lank:** blowing my cover, smh

 **Kink:** god, not in front of the Kids!

 **Kink:** shiro is still 6

 **Daddy:** SHUT

 **Adamn:** Keith, shhh, he turns 7 next year

 **Daddy:** I Am 27 Years Of Age

 **Kink:** thats not what your birth certificate says

 **Lank:** you were born on Feb 29th?

 **Daddy:** ….mayhaps

 **Lank:** HAH

 **Bonk:** GJHKJ

 **Allurable:** fucking loser

 **Daddy:** I will crush you

 **Allurable:** oh please do

 **Daddy:** NO THATS YUCKY

 **Kink:** AND YOU SAY YOU’RE NOT 6, YOU JUST FUCKING SAID YUCKY

 **Daddy:** SHUT UP BITCH

 **Kink:** TRY ME, SLUT

 **Daddy:** WHORE

 **Kink:** WENCH

 **Daddy:** CUNT

 **MattyB:** DONKEY

 **Stoner:** wait wait wait wait

 **Burb:** waiting

 **Stoner:**  whats everyones b-day?

 **Burb:** April 3rd

 **Lank:** July 28th uwu

 **Allurable:** of course you’re a summer baby

 **Allurable:** you look like if the beach was a person

 **Lank:** that's the best compliment I have ever gotten

 **Allurable:** ily babe

 **Lank:** ily2 uwu

 **Kink:** October 23rd

 **Stoner:** gasp

 **Stoner:** I knew you were a Scorpio! But you’re a libra cusp, gasp

 **Allurable:** SHAY NO, YOU’RE NOT DOING THIS

 **Stoner:** SHUT UP DONT LISTEN TO HER, AND TELL ME YOUR BIRTHDAYS

 **MattyB:** May 24th

 **Bonk:** January 14th

 **Adamn:** April 23rd

 **Kink:** Allura’s bday is September 5th

 **Allurable:** slut

 **Stoner:** Shay’s birthday is July 1st

 **Allurable:** shay is also going to write down all of your Zodiacs and compare your traits and see how compatible you all are

 **Stoner:** Scorpios and Capricorns tend to have long lasting relationships,,,,just sayin

 **Bonk:** hey, I’m a Capricorn

 **Kink:** ,,,and I’m a Scorpio,,,,

 **Allurable:** that you are!

 **Allurable:** but keith could also be considered as a Libra, right shay?

 **Stoner:** YES HE CAN, MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL

 **Stoner:** Libras and Capricorns tend to be difficult because they need to set aside their differences but once they allow each other to be themselves its smooth sailing

 **Kink:** why is this happening

 **Stoner:** what do you mean, Keithy boy?

 **Kink:** _why are you doing this_

 **Stoner:** doing what, Keithy boy?

 **Kink:** **_torturing me_**

 **Stoner:** I love seeing others suffer

 **Allurable:** its her kink

 **Stoner:** its my kink

 **Bonk:** Lance has a daddy kink

 **Lank:** GASP

 **Allurable:** Keith is into biting

 **Kink:** BITCH

 **Kink:**  aLLURA ALSO HAS A DADDY KINK AND SHIRO LIKES TO BE CALLED SIR

 **Daddy:** SLUT

 **Adamn:** I Can Confirm

 **MattyB:** the claws are OUT

 **Kink:** Matt has _so many kinks_

 **MattyB:** and I’m proud of them all

 **MattyB:** I am not ashamed

 **Burb:** I DON'T WANNA KNOW ABOUT MY BROTHERS KINKS

 **Lank:** ew, neither do I

 **Bonk:** ditto

 **Stoner:** yes, lets let the boys go back to fucking

 **Kink:** what boys?

 **Daddy:** iM nOt ObLiViOuS, sHiRo

 **Adamn:** YGEUHFIS

 **Adamn:** fucking useless gay

 **Daddy:** You have no right to talk, babe

 **Adamn:** Oh I Know

 **Adamn:** when Shiro told me that he liked me I thanked him

 **Daddy:** HE THANKED ME

 **Stoner:** fghdsj iconic dads

 **Adamn:** omg, im a dad, arent I?

 **MattyB:** punish me daddy

 **Adamn:** no

 **Stoner:** forgive me father for i have been a naughty girl

 **Adamn:** Shay, I’m going to fail you

 **Stoner:** PLS NO I NEED THE CREDITS

 **Adamn:** THEN SHUT UP

 **Stoner:** yes, Father Adam

 **Adamn:** siiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

 

**_ Kitchen Fire _ **

**Hunkey:** do you want a sandwich or some spaghetti for lunch

 **Keef:** hmmmmmmmmmmmm spageht

 **Hunkey:** beautiful

 **Keef:** _like you_

 **Hunkey:** rguefhdij YOU CANT JYST DO THAT

 **Keef:** just did, whatcha gonna do bout it

 **Hunkey:** make you some bomb ass spaghet

 **Keef:** WAIT

 **Keef:** does it have meatyballs?

 **Hunkey:** if you wish

 **Keef:** i wish bls

 **Hunkey:** comin right up, babe

 **Keef:** HNNNNNNNNNG

 **Keef:** fuk u

 **Hunkey:** :]

 **Hunkey:** I did nothing wrong

 **Keef:** bicth

 **Hunkey:** <3

 **Keef:** sigh

 **Keef:** <3

 

 

**_Thotty Party_ **

**Kooth:** HE’S COOKING FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 **Olloo:** aww

 **Olloo:** _what is it_

 **Kooth:** SPAGHET

 **Olloo:** BITCH YOU BETTER SNATCH THAT SHIT BEFORE I DO

 **Kooth:** YOU HAVE THAT LOTOR DUDE, STAY AWAY FROM MY MANS

 **Olloo:** OH, SO HE’S YOUR MAN’S NOW?

 **Kooth:** WHAT, NO, STOP THAT

 **Olloo:** HUEHUHUE

  


**_Big Brown Beauties_ **

**Lura:** I’m putting the second part of our plan into action

 **Shay:** worm?

 **Lura:** OPERATION: REINFORCEMENTS IS A GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**_Lura added Lance McClain to the group_ **

____**Shay:** W O R M

 **Lance McClain:** dont know why I’m here but I’m offended that I wasn’t originally added

**_Lura changed Lance McClain’s name to Lancey_ **

**Lura:** OUR MISSION IS TO GET HEITH TO STOP BEING SUCH DUMBASSES

 **Lancey:** COUNT ME IN

 **Lancey:** wait,,,,do we get to wear cool spy suits

 **Stoner:** MARRY ME

 **Lura:** sigh

 **Lura:** yes, yes we do.

 **Lancey:** groovy

 **Lancey:** now whats the plan?

 **Lura:** well...

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody could be that guy  
> Night is young and the music's high


	15. Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

**_Swimming Sluts + Lance_ **

**Plaxum:** HEY

 **Rachel:** HOWDY

 **Lance:** aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA

 **Nyma:** why are your letters so loud

 **Nyma:** why

 **Nyma:** just why

 **Plaxum:** I miss my hoes + lance

 **Lance:** I Am A Hoe, Excuse Me

 **Rachel:** keep telling yourself that, bro  

 **Lance:** fuk u

 **Rachel:** don’t make me tell mom that you’re bullying me

 **Lance:** STOP IT

 **Plaxum:** you’re both pretty, knock it off

 **Rachel:** ….

 **Lance:** bruh

 **Rachel:** WE’RE TWINS

 **Plaxum:** omg really? I totally did not know

 **Plaxum:** BUT I WANNA GO SHOPPING!!!

 **Romelle:** so far away

 **Plaxum:** Melle, you never leave your dorm, get OUT

 **Romelle:** _far_

 **Rachel:** I’m down

 **Lance:** I’m always down for seeing you sluts

 **Nyma:** I’ll see if im busy

 **Lance:** you’re not

 **Nyma:** I’m not

 **Plaxum:** Romeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelle

 **Plaxum:** bls

 **Romelle:** maybe

 **Lance:** I’ll buy you a smoothie

 **Romelle:** Large?

 **Lance:** Large.

 **Romelle:** WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO LETS GO TO THAT MALL BITCHESSSSSSSSSS

 **Plaxtic:** so when do you guys wanna go?

 **Rachel:** I’m free today

 **Lance:** same

 **Nyma:** I’m always free, you guys and Rolo are my only friends

 **Rachel:** fking lozer

 **Nyma:** bite me bitch

 **Rachel:** kinky

 **Plaxum:** IM ALSO FREE, LETS GO WHORES

 **Romelle:** I need ride

 **Lance:** ,,,,so do I

 **Rachel:** SIGH

 **Lance:** ily

 **Romelle:** ily2

 **Rachel:** yeah you better

 **Rachel:** I’ll pick you guys up in like...35 mins?

 **Lance:** sounds gucc

 **Romelle:** wonderful!!

 **Nyma:** ill most likely be late

 **Plaxum:** we know

 **Lance:** yup

 **Rachel:** uh huh

 **Romelle:** Oh yeah

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Kink:** how does one cook food?

 **Bonk:** ,,,Keith, sweetheart, sugar, babe, darling,,,

 **Kink:** wut

 **Allurable:** why learn to cook when Hunks there

 **Kink:** because I’m home? And Hunk is not here?

 **Stoner:** yeah, but when you’re married with two children, you won’t need to cook

 **Kink:** w

 **Stoner:** your kids will be named Alana and Rangi

 **Stoner:** Hunk wanted to name Alana Honey but Keith wouldn’t allow it so its her middle name, along with mae, after Hunk’s grandma. Rangi’s middle names are Takashi and Texas, after keith's dad and shiro

 **Daddy:** honored to be in this creepy headcanon

 **Bonk:** what the

 **Bonk:** _what the fuck_

 **Lank:** _your dad’s name is Texas_

 **Kink:** Yes.

 **Daddy:** dont ask questions

 **Lank:** alrighty then

 **Kink:** ,,,,do yall have like,,,a shrine,,,to us?

 **Allurable:** I don’t

 **Allurable:** shay does

 **Stoner:** shay does        

 **Bonk:** w h y

 **Stoner:** because you guys are cute

 **Kink:** we’re not even dating

 **Allurable:** yet

 **Adamn:** hey now, lets leave the boys alone

 **Adamn:** lets not pressure them or make them think that they should be something they are not

 **Adamn:** _also shay, take down the shrine, i know its in your gym locker_

 **Stoner:** fuck

 **Bonk:** thank you, Adam

 **Kink:** yeah,

 **Kink:** I’m not really looking for a relationship right now anyway

 **Kink:** James kinda ruined that

 **Bonk:** i wanna punch him

 **Lank:**....wow

 **Burb:** thats

 **Burb:** _oh my god_

 **Lank:** _Hunk just said he wanted to punch someone_

 **Burb:** holy fuck

 **Bonk:** what?

 **Lank:** you never resort to violence,,,,,what is happening

 **Burb:** the simulation is broken

 **Bonk:** I

 **Bonk:** ,,,omg

 **Bonk:** _omg_

 **MattyB:** the crack just hit in

 **Adamn:** WHAT

 **MattyB:** what

 **MattyB:** I was talkin bout hunkington

 **Adamn:** oh, omg

 **Adamn:** DONT FUCKING SCARE ME LIKE THAT MATTHEW

 **MattyB:** I’m sorry mom, it wont happen again

 **Adamn:** Damn right it wo-

 **Adamn:** _mom?_

 **MattyB:** SCATTER

 

**_Shunk_ **

**Hunk:** I JUST REALIZED HOW FAR GONE I AM FOR HIM, SHAY

 **Hunk:** I THREATENED TO PUNCH SOMEONE

 **Hunk:** _ME? PUNCH?? SOMEONE??? I CAN’T EVEN KILL A FLY_

 **Shay:** ,,,you’re just _now_ noticing how whipped you are?

 **Hunk:** YES

 **Shay:** wow, you’re clearly not as smart as i thought you were

 **Hunk:** HEY, IM AT THE TOP OF MY CLASSES

 **Shay:** sure thing, muffin

 **Hunk:** :(

 **Shay:** yeah, but you’re so fucking gone for him bro

 **Shay:** LMAO remember when you had a crush on me uwu

 **Hunk:** nope

 **Hunk:** that did Not happen

 **Shay:** keep telling yourself that, princess

 **Hunk:** STOP

 **Shay:** FTYGUHIJ

 

**_Big Brown Beauties_ **

**Shay:** boys,,,,he finally sees

 **Lura:** oh thank god

 **Lancey:** fuck yeah

 **Lura:** now we just gotta get Keith to realize and then,,,,the plan is in action

 **Lura:** anyway

 **Lura:** Lance? How are you and pidge?

 **Lancey:** pretty fucking peachy

 **Lancey:** shes so

 **Lancey:** great

 **Lancey:** honestly im just upset that I didn’t do anything sooner

 **Lancey:** y’know? Because I’m having such a good time with her and to think that I could have been with her sooner? Kinda bums me out that I was too much of a pussy the first time

 **Lura:** all that matters is that you’re with her now, right?

 **Lancey:** oh fuck yeah, I wouldn’t trade this for anything, she

 **Lancey:** she gets me

 **Shay:** this is too sweet, im gonna barf

 **Lura:** SHAY

 **Lancey:** hgrhufijdo

 **Lancey:** its ok, i gotta go anyway, I’m shopping with my gal pals

 **Lura:** >:0 and we weren’t invited

 **Lancey:** gruhfij I’ll introduce you two to them another time!

 **Lura:** you’re so good, never change

 **Lancey:** :P

 **Shay:** ,,,,,

 **Shay:** allura i want froyo

**Lura:**

**Lura:** ill be there in ten

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Kink:** crack sounds good right now

 **Bonk:** no

 **Kink:** but-

 **Bonk:** n o

 **Bonk:** no crack for you, young man

 **Bonk:** I will not allow it

 **Kink:** :(

 **Bonk:** >:|

 **Kink:** _fine_

 **Daddy:** did I hit my head today?

 **Daddy:** why is keith

 **Daddy:** not acting like keith

 **Bonk:** I think keith is perfectly fine the way he is

 **Kink:** ugrhiefrjo fuck off

 **Bonk:** :)

 **Burb:** ,,,,,this

 **Burb:** this is not the right simulation

 **Burb:** where is the reset button

 **MattyB:** please take your flirting someplace else, im trying to eat

 **Kink:** you’re literally just laying on the couch

 **MattyB:** but im eating in my mind

 **MattyB:** why?

 **MattyB:** beCAUSE SOMEONE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO COOK AND IM NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THE OVEN BECAUSE OF THAT ONE TIME I SET THE SPAGHETTI ON FIRE

 **Kink:** IM TRYING, OK

 **Stoner:** you set spaghetti on _fire?_

 **MattyB:** THAT IS N O T THE IMPORTANT PART SHAY

 **Kink:** :[

 **Bonk:** keith, I can teach you some basic stuff? If you want of course. Can’t have you two starving haha

 **Kink:** o

 **Kink:** oh

 **Kink:** yeah I would like that very much, Hunk

 **Kink:** thank you

 **Bonk:** oh

 **Bonk:** ok

 **Bonk:** you’re welcome

 **Allurable:** ,,,

 **Allurable:** shay and I got some froyo

 **Stoner:** yeet

 

 

**_Three gays walk into a bar…_ **

**Kieth:** fuck.

 **Sihro:** there it is

 **Aadm:** calm down

 **Aadm:** and whatever you do, do not tell allura or shay

 **Kieth:** _fuck_

 **Kieth:** _he threatened to punch someone for me_

 **Kieth:** _he wants to give me cooking lessons_

 **Sihro:** I need to get the popcorn

 **Aadm:** now, now, Keith

 **Aadm:** calm down

 **Aadm:** do not overthink this

 **Aadm:** do not change the way you act because of this

 **Aadm:** just

 **Aadm:** remain calm

 **Sihro:** AND GO KISS HIM

 **Aadm:** YOU ARE N O HELP

 **Kieth:** this is fine

 **Kieth:** im fine

 **Kieth:** im going to go take a bubble bath

 

**_The Original Trio_ **

**shirowo:** matt, please make sure keith didn't bring a whole bottle of wine into the bath with him

 **BoltHolt:** _he wont let me take it_

 **Wildwest:** throw cold water on him

 **BoltHolt:** DO YOU WANT ME TO GET MURDERED

 **Wildwest:** well

 **BoltHolt:** BITCH

 **Shirowo:** you can't murder my best friend, if he dies who’s gonna be my best man at our wedding

 **Wildwest:** I thought matt was gonna be my best man

 **shirowo:** fuck, forgot about keith

 **Wildwest:** HOW DO YOU FORGET ABOUT KEITH WHEN WE CAME HERE FOR HIM

 **BoltHolt:** do i get a say in whos best man i am?

 **Wildwest:** i think you already know the answer to that

 **shirowo:** BUT BACK TO KEITH

 **BoltHolt:** _he has a knife with him_

 **shirowo:**  MATT DO YOU WANT HIM TO DRUNK CALL JAMES OR HUNK AND RUIN EVERYTHIGN

 **BoltHolt:** FUCK

 **Wildwest:** i'm surrounded by children

 **BoltHolt:** well, shiro is 6

 **shirowo:** YOU FUCKING SLUT

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank** : i just saw an ad for hot pockets

 **Lank** : and

 **Lank** :I read it as

 **Lank** : "thot pockets"

 **Lank** : and I h8 myself

 **Burb** : THOT POCKETS

 **Kink** : Petition to rename hot pockets to thot pockets

 **Bonk** : seconded

 **Daddy** : I thought thots were a different type of pocket

 **Allurable** : sHIRO NO

 **Stoner:** SHIRO YES

 **MattyB:** SHIRO YES

 **Adamn:** SHIRO NO, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

 **Daddy:** **_BUST DOWN THOTIANA_**

 **Lank:** BUS DOWN

 **Kink:** I WANNA SEE YOU BUST DOWN

 **Adamn:** keith,,,,pls

 **Adamn:** shut up and PUT THE WINE DOWN

 **Kink:** no fuk u

 **MattyB:** and also put the knife away pls

 **Kink:** I will NOT

 **Kink:** this is my baby

 **Kink:** we’re taking a bath together

 **Kink:** leave me and Bertha alone

 **Burb:** _Bertha_

 **Bonk:** ,,,what

 **Adamn:** keith pls,,,,give matt the wine

 **Kink:** what if

 **Kink:** no

 **Adamn:** SIGH

 **Adamn:** ill bring you to McDonald’s

 **Kink:** MATT COME GET YO JUICE

 **MattyB:** YEET

 **Daddy:** is that really all it took

 **Kink:** love me some dick-

 **Kink:** MCDICK

 **Kink:** heh

 **KInk:** kneeway

 **Kink:** bath

 **Allurable:** have fun!!!

 **Stoner:** don’t drown!!

 **Kink:** no promises!!!!

 **Bonk:** :(

 **Kink:** FINE

 **Kink:** i guess i wont drown.

 **Bonk:** :)

 **Kink:** evil being, leaf me be

 **Bonk:** I wilt not

 **Allurable:** OMG NO

 **Stoner:** no,,,,we need to stop them,,,,,they’re too powerful together

 **Kink:** :)

 **Bonk:** :)

 **MattyB:** _well, karmas a bitch_

 **Adamn:** VERONICA LODGE WHOM

 **MattyB:** ME BITCH

 **Adamn:** YOU LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE BITCH

 **MattyB:** I WILL BITCH

 **Daddy:** _matt where did you put the wine?_

 

**_Plants_ **

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** hey

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** do you wanna come over and watch bad space movies with me? I’m bored and lonely

 **Laaaaaance:** awww :(

 **Laaaaaance:** I wish I could babe, but I already agreed to hang out with some pals

 **Laaaaaance:** I’m with them right now

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** oh

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** well, what are you up to then?

 **Laaaaaance:** nothing much, shopping, getting some froyo and smoothies. Might go see a movie depending on what the others wanna do

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** sounds like a fun time

 **Laaaaaance:** it is!! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner that i was gonna be busy today

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** its fine! Don’t worry about it, I’ll just go bother Hunk

 **Laaaaaance:** good luck with that, he was crying over keith all morning

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** oh boy, that sounds like a blast

 **Laaaaaance:** guhfidj, I gotta go babe, I’ll call you later, ok?

 **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** ok, have fun!

 **Laaaaaance:** I will! Bye!!!!

 

**_Nerds_ **

**Pidge:** hey Hunk, you busy?

 **Hunk:** I’m eating away my feelings

 **Pidge:** ill take that as a no

 **Pidge:** so, you wanna hang out?

 **Hunk:** why are you asking me and not your zaddy of a boyfriend

 **Pidge:** because hes with his friends or smth

 **Hunk:** oh yeah! He’s with his gal pals

 **Pidge:** his

 **Pidge:** his what?

 **Hunk:** his gal pals.

 **Hunk:** the ladies on the swimming team

 **Pidge:** oh

 **Hunk:** yeah, didn’t you see his snapchat story?

 **Pidge:** no, but imma look now.

 

**_Nerds_ **

**Pidge:** they look,,,very close

 **Hunk:** yeah, they are

 **Pidge:** huh

 **Hunk:** ,,,are you ok

 **Pidge:** i don’t know

 **Hunk:** ,,,,,what do you mean you don’t know?

 **Pidge:** he’s kissing a girls cheek in one of the photos

 **Hunk:** ,,,,are

 **Hunk:** are you jealous?

 **Pidge:** what? No, of course not!

 **Hunk:** ,,,,okaaaay

 **Pidge:** just

 **Pidge:** I’m gonna watch some shitty syfy movies if you wanna come over

 **Hunk:** sure! Ill bring the snacks

 **Pidge:** cool.

  


* * *

 

 

**_Plants_ **

**Laaaaaance:** hey, I’m gonna be home later than expected

 

* * *

 

 

**_Plants_ **

**Laaaaaance:** hey?

 **Laaaaaance:** you there?

 **Laaaaaance:** I’m finally home and down to call if you’re down?

 **Laaaaaance:** I missed you a lot today

 

* * *

 

 

**_Plants_ **

**Laaaaaance:** Katie, I know you’re not with Hunk, he’s home

 **Laaaaaance:** and I know you’re not sleeping because you literally stay up until the crack of dawn

 **Laaaaaance:** maybe your phone died?

 **Laaaaaance:** just call me whenever you see these!

 **Laaaaaance:** I’m gonna reheat some spaghetti, so just

 **Laaaaaance:** get back to me please

 **Laaaaaance:** ok?

 

* * *

 

 

**_Plants_ **

**Laaaaaance:** am I overthinking this?

 **Laaaaaance:** but its been over 3 hours

 **Laaaaaance:** and I know you’re not dead because snap maps does not lie!

 **Laaaaaance:** just,,,tell me what to do?

  


* * *

 

 

**_Plants_ **

**Laaaaaance:** i’m going to bed

 **Laaaaaance:** ill talk to you tomorrow?

 **Laaaaaance:** please?

  
  


                                                                                                

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           


	16. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how many separate groupchats am I going to make? Idk, just fucking go with it broski

**_Omg they were roommates_ **

**Keithy:** BOYS

**Keithy:** MATT THINKS THE EARTH IS FLAT

**Keithy:** DISCUSs 

**Hunky:** stoopid ass dodo head

**Lancey:** flat earth? Ever heard of cubed earth?

**Matty:** slander

**Matty:** Lance is the only bitch i fuk wit

**Hunky:** Lance isnt fully sane right now

**Hunky:** he’s running on 3 hours of sleep and  _ 6 _ cups of coffee

**Keithy:** _are you ok_

**Lancey:** I’m perfectly fine!!

**Hunky:** just this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.

**Lancey:** I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!

**Matty:** great, now Keith is gonna bring his Ghostbusters stuff to your house to investigate

**Keithy:** I SPENT REAL LIFE DOLLARS ON THIS, STOP CALLING IT GHOSTBUSTERS STUFF

**Lancey:** rgfhdj

**Lancey:** im gonna go nap now

**Lancey:** bye bye

**Matty:** ,,,is he ok?

**Hunky:** I’m not so sure

**Keithy:** my hubby :(

**Hunky:** I’ll go see whats up

**Keithy:** tell him I love him

**Hunky:** no

**Keithy:** Hunk, i love you too

**Hunky:** ok fine

**Matty:** fucking gay losers

**Keithy:** where r u, im cutting off your dick

**Matty:** NO NOT HAROLD

 

****

* * *

 

  
  


**_Nerds_ **

**Hunk:** why aren’t you talking to him

**Pidge:** i dont know what you’re talking about

**Hunk:** Katie

**Hunk:** come on, don’t be like that

**Pidge:** Hunk

**Pidge:** I don’t want to talk

**Hunk:** Well I don’t care

**Pidge:** excuse me?

**Hunk:** You need to get your act together, Pidge. You’re hurting Lance

**Pidge:** and he hurt me!

**Hunk:** oh?

**Hunk:** well, then tell me what happened?

**Pidge:** he

**Pidge:** he kissed that girl!

**Hunk:** are you serious?

**Hunk:** is that seriously what this is all about?

**Pidge:** yes!

**Pidge:** I’m his girlfriend, he shouldn’t be kissing other girls

**Hunk:** 1\. He kissed her on the cheek

**Hunk:** 2\. THEY’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR YEARS!!!

**Hunk:** Pidge, you’re one of my best friends, we cuddle all the time, i’ve kissed you?

**Hunk:** do you see Lance getting upset over that?

**Pidge:** but this is different

**Hunk:** how so?

**Pidge:** because this is lance!

**Hunk:** a n d?

**Pidge:** well, come on hunk, you know how he is

**Hunk:** Katie Elizabeth Holt, i can’t believe you

**Pidge:** what!

**Hunk:** you seriously need to figure yourself out and talk to lance

**Hunk:** you can’t keep ignoring him and hurting him, making him think he did something wrong

**Pidge:** yeah

**Pidge:** ok

  
  


**_Hot Holts Hate Howdy_ **

**Greenbean:** I need brotherly advice

**Stringbean:** what tis up baby sister

**Greenbean:** Lance.

**Stringbean:** what hap

**Greenbean:** I think,,,I might have gotten too jealous over something small?

**Stringbean:** oh no, katie what happened

**Greenbean:** he couldnt hang out with me because he was hanging out with his friends that were also all chicks, and he posted a picture on his snapchat of him kissing one of their cheeks and idk i kinda just

**Stringbean:** oh katie,,,

**Greenbean:** he kept texting me and i kept ignoring him

**Greenbean:** and then hunk just texted me and he seemed angry and I know what I did was wrong and I should not have handled it that way

**Stringbean:** you should take to him, pidge

**Greenbean:** I know!!!

**Greenbean:** i just,,,don’t know what to say

**Stringbean:** say what you just said to me

**Greenbean:** yeah ok

**Greenbean:** ok

 

 

**_Plants_ **

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** hey

**Laaaaaance:** hi

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I’m sorry for ignoring you and ghosting

**Laaaaaance:** why’d you do it?

**Laaaaaance:** I was very concerned, you know

**Laaaaaance:** I thought I did something or

**Laaaaaance:** idk, just

**Laaaaaance:** what the heck happened, katie

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** Igotjealousofyoukissingthatgirlscheek

**Laaaaaance:** really?

**Laaaaaance:** thats it?!

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** yeah?

**Laaaaaance:** god, you made me think that there was this huge issue or something

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** well jeez, Lance, I wouldn’t exactly call this a small issue

**Laaaaaance:** what, why?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** because! You

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I didn’t like seeing that

**Laaaaaance:** see, what?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** you kissing her, it didn’t settle well..

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I just, didn’t enjoy seeing it?

**Laaaaaance:** Listen, Katie, I’ve known Plaxum for years. Dating you isn’t going to change the way I show affection

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** Yeah, I know but

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** it just

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** ugh

**Laaaaaance:** you should know that I Would Never do something like that to upset you or betray you in anyway

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** then why do I still feel upset?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** why do I feel like there is something I’m missing?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** Lance, I know how you are, I just feel so uneasy seeing you act like that with other people

**Laaaaaance:** what?

**Laaaaaance:** Katie, what the fuck?

**Laaaaaance:** Are you serious? I would never even fucking think about cheating on you. EVER. I  _ love _ you Katie, I have for  _ years _ . The amount of flirting or partners I had  _ before _ you mean nothing. NOTHING. I would never do that to you. There is only you, Katie. 

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** Lance,

**Laaaaaance:** and if you can’t trust me, if you can’t take me hanging out with friends, then maybe this was a mistake

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** No, Lance, it wasn’t I just

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I don’t know! Ok?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I don’t know why I’m being like this, is that what you want to hear?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I don’t know why I can’t stand being without you, it hurts, Lance. Fucking hurts. And don’t fucking hit me with that love bullshit because I’ve loved you for four fucking years and now that I have you I just

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I love you Lance, I always have

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** but maybe you’re right

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** maybe this was a mistake

**Laaaaaance:** maybe this isn’t what we thought it would be

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** maybe we didn’t think this through

**Laaaaaance:** so thats it

**Laaaaaance:** we’re just

**Laaaaaance:** we’re just back to being nothing?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I don’t wanna lose you Lance, 

**Laaaaaance:** Katie, I can’t be just friends, not like this

**Laaaaaance:** it’ll be too painful, too hard

**Laaaaaance:** If I can’t have you like this, I

**Laaaaaance:** I

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** fine

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I get it

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I really do, I don’t think I could be able to do it either

**Laaaaaance:** so we’re done?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** yeah, i guess

**Laaaaaance:** I’ll still love you, you know that right?

**Laaaaaance:** and no matter how painful it is, I’ll still be waiting for you

**Laaaaaance:** You need to trust me, Katie

**Laaaaaance:** so trust me when I say that I’m not letting you go that easily

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** don’t, Lance, please

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:**  don’t

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** you’re making this so fucking hard 

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** this is what we need to do

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** clearly, I have some things I need to work out on my own, I’ve already put you through so much, i can’t do that anymore, Lance. I can’t keep hurting you. And I’m so sorry for starting this in the first place, I’m sorry for being selfish and stupid. I’m sorry for being a bitch. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m so fucking sorry for everything Lance. I never wanted to see you sad because of me. Just please, don’t ruin yourself for me, don’t do that lance

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge** : I don’t want to see you like that. I don't deserve your love if I can't trust you like that. I need to work on it. I will work on it. For you, for me, for us. I just

 ** **Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:**  **I'm sorry but this is goodbye for now

**Laaaaaance:** Ok

**Laaaaaance:** ok

**Laaaaaance:** So, I guess this is it?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** yeah, I 

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I guess

**Laaaaaance:** ok

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** ok

 

 

 

**_Nerds_ **

**Pidge:** It’s what I felt what had to be done, 

**Pidge:** please don’t be mad at me, I 

**Pidge:** I can’t lose both of you

**Hunk:** of course I’m not mad, Katie

**Hunk:** you just need to work yourself out, you know that and I respect that. 

**Hunk:** and don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him, ok?

**Pidge:** Thank you Hunk

**Hunk:** now, you go get something to eat and take a nap, ok? I’ll drop by later to check up on you

**Pidge:** just please make sure he’s ok

**Pidge:** I hate myself for doing this but if we kept going I would have broken his heart some other way

**Pidge:** probably worse

**Hunk:** probably

**Hunk:** You just work on yourself, ok?

**Hunk:** I’ll help out Lance

**Hunk:** Now go eat something

**Pidge:** ok

 

 

 

**_Hot Holts Hate Howdy_ **

**Greenbean:** we broke up

**Stringbean:** WHAT

**Greenbean:** I needed to do it, Matt

**Greenbean:** I have things I need to work out  _ myself _ and I couldn’t keep dragging him through the mud while I did it. 

**Greenbean:** I love him, I truly do, I just

**Greenbean:** We need this

**Greenbean:** need time to figure out what’s really right between us

**Stringbean:** I’m proud of you for that

**Stringbean:** you’re doing what's right for the both of you

**Greenbean:** yeah…

**Stringbean:** are you crying

**Greenbean:** yes….

**Stringbean:** I’m on my way

  
  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Stoner:** I just ate an unhealthy amount of paint

**Allurable:** WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST ATE AN UNHEALTHY AMOUNT OF PAINT WHY ARE YOU EATING PAINT DONT FUCING EAT PAINT OMG SHT

**Stoner:** looked yummy

**Allurable:** HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO LIVE BY YOURSELF

**Stoner:** IM SORRY IM NOT RICH LIKE YOU

**Stoner:** I DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO EAT AND IT LOOKED INCH RESTING

**Daddy:** shay,,,where do you live im bringing you some fruit snacks

**Allurable:** she’ll eat them all in one sitting, dont

**Daddy:** I’ll just eat them with her

**Stoner:** cool, come over and we can watch friends

**Adamn:** Allura, do you want to come over? 

**Allurable:** oh bet

**Adamn:** I’ll cook us up a  _ real _ meal

**Allurable:** im already horny

**Adamn:** thats the spirit!

**Kink:** you all are sinners and will burn in hell

**MattyB:** I CAN’T WAIT TO HUNT FURRIES IN HELL

**MattyB:** FIGHT FOR THE GAMERS

**Kink:** STOP WATCHING TIK TOKS

**MattyB:** FUCK YOU

**Kink:** N O

**MattyB:** I dare you to turn yourself into an egirl

**Kink:** n O

**Kink:**

**Kink:**

**Kink** : ok fine

**Allurable:** keith omg

**Kink:** IM HOME ALONE NO ONE CAN STOP ME FROM MAKING BAD DECISIONS

**Allurable:** I am a single mother of 6 kids and 2 grown adults

**MattyB:** hey-

**Allurable:** its shiro

**Allurable:** because he’s 6

**Daddy:** BITCH

  
  
  


**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Keef:** before i turn myself into an e girl

**Keef:** how is Lance?

**Hunkey:** :( its big sad hours in here, boys

**Keef:** oh no :(

**Hunkey:** he fell asleep in my lap crying :((

**Keef:** oh no did they,,,?

**Hunkey:** ..yeah

**Hunkey:** they have shit to figure out themselves y’know?

**Keef:** yeah, I respect that

**Keef:** just keep me updated :( 

**Hunkey:** will do uwu

**Hunkey:** also….send some pics of you as an egirl, I’m sure that will cheer him up

**Keef:** I do that and he’ll make it his wallpaper

**Hunkey:** _keef he’s sad_

**Keef:** YOU JUST WANT THEM FOR YOURSELF

**Hunkey:** yes and

**Hunkey:** I know they will cheer lance up

**Keef:** fine

**Hunkey:** <3

**Keef:** :|

**Hunkey:** <33

**Keef: >:[**

**Hunkey:** <333333333333333

**Keef:** sigh

**Keef:** <3

**Hunkey:** uwu

**Keef:** N O

**Hunkey:** ygrfuhdijs

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want anyone to hate pidge because of this!! Insecurities and anxiety can seriously affect the way someone thinks, I know this for a fact. She is n o t trying to be mean or bitchy, she is scared and does not know what she is doing. She still loves Lance but doesn't know what to do about it. She is also young and sweet, 17, and, the dancing queen


	17. send noods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some classic fuckery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friday night and the lights are low

**_So No Head???_ **

**Kink:** they suspended my twitter account,,,,, _ again _

**Bonk:** What Did You Do

**Kink:** n o t h i n g 

**Burb:** he’s lying and you all know it

**Kink:** i didn’t!!

**Kink:** twitter is just homophobic 

**Daddy:** MHMM SURE

**Kink:** IM NOT LYING

**Kink:** I HAD TO MAKE A NEW ONE

**Kink:** A G A I N

**Kink:** I DONT KNOW WHAT I DO IT JUST HAPPENS

**Burb:** nothing just happens smh

**Kink:** BUT YOURE WRONG

**Kink:**  VERY WRONG

**Kink:** twitter just hates me

**Bonk:** brb, on my way to kick twitters ass

**Burb:** hufdij I’m on my way to take a nap

**MattyB:** sweet dreams sister of mine uwu

**Burb:** peace out cub scouts

**Kink:** katie ily

**Burb:** how sweet

**Kink:** BITCH

**Burb:** :P

**Burb:** k, im passing out, byyyyyyye

**Kink:** :[

**Bonk:** yall where is twitter located, i just wanna talk

**Allurable:** On the topic of Keith fucking shit up

**Kink:** wh

**Allurable:** Have some images of keith FUCKING SHIT U P

**_Allurable sent 7 photos_ **

**Kink:** I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO NOT SHARE THOSE

**Allurable:** AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING

**Adamn:** does

**Adamn:** do your underwear say

**Adamn:** say

**Adamn:** send nudes

**Kink:** they sure do

**Stoner:** icon

**Stoner:** black turtleneck, black jeans, hair looking like a pineapple in a pink scrunchie, sunglasses, send nudes undies

**MattyB:** OK BUT HE LOOKS LIKE AN ACTUAL MODEL

**Bonk:** HE SURE FUCKING DOES

**Daddy:** WHY ARE YOU TALKING ON THE PHONE IN ONE

**Kink:** I was on a business call with Washington

**Daddy:** yeah right

**Allurable:** he was

**Kink:** I was!

**Kink:** I got into this program but idk if i wanna go because that means i have to move down there

**Stoner:** I learned today that Keith applied to a modeling agency, got accepted, then said he didn’t wanna go anymore

**Daddy:** yeah that did happen

**Kink:** they would have paid me handsomely 

**Kink:** I could have bought Hunk a new kitchenaid

**Bonk:** GASP!

**Kink:** :)

**Bonk:** OK BUT YOU WERE GONNA BE A MODEL?

**Kink:** I mean, I could have been, yeah

**Bonk:** BITCH

**Lank:** this explains so much

**MattyB:** you’re alive!

**Lank:** sadly

**MattyB:** >:O

**Lank:** anyway

**Lank:** Keith you were a model??????????????

**Lank:** how can someone so ugly-

**Bonk:** he misspelled beautiful

**Lank:** hunk just hit me

**Kink:** Hunk no hitting

**Bonk:** but-

**Kink:** no

**Bonk:** :[

**Lank:** how is this

**_Lank sent 3 images_ **

**Lank:** model worthy

**MattyB:** SO YOU DID TURN YOURSELF INTO AN EGIRL

**Kink:** Lance, I love you so much buddy, but I’m gonna kill you

**Bonk:** YOU DIDNT EVEN SEND ME THESE ONES

**Kink:** THEY WERE FOR LANCE

**Lank:** my new wallpaper 

**Kink:** you’re welcome, bud

**Lank:** thank you babe

**Kink:** <3

**Lank:** <3

**Allurable:** he’s now sent a heart TWICE

**Stoner:** Lance and Hunk are the chosen ones

**MattyB:** PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY

**Kink:** I hate you all

**Lank:** :(

**Bonk:** :((

**Allurable:** :(((

**Stoner:** :((((

**MattyB:** :(((((

**Adamn:** :((((((

**Daddy:** :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

**Kink:** ok, I only hate shiro

**Daddy:** BITCH

 

 

**_Bro_ **

**Shark Bro:** sorry for stealing your mans

**Rock Bro:** It’s fine, dude

**Rock Bro:** How are you feeling now?

**Rock Bro:** and are you sure you wanna go to work?

**Shark Bro:** It’s a Tuesday and I work at a movie theater

**Shark Bro:** not a lot of people come in today

**Rock Bro:** I still can’t believe you got another job! My mom totally would have started paying you more! You’re like family!!

**Shark Bro:** I know, but I couldn’t ask that of her, plus I really need to start saving up if I wanna go to Cuba over break and see my grandparents

**Rock Bro:** I get that

**Rock Bro:** So hows the movie theater?

**Shark Bro:** I’ve had 4 slushies

**Rock Bro:** L a n c e

**Shark bro:** ,,,,,,,

**Shark Bro:** ……..

**Shark Broo:** **_………………………………….._**

 **Shark Bro:** fREEZE YOUR BRAAAAAAAIN SUCK ON THAT S T R A W GET LOST IN THE PAIN

**Shark Bro:** hApPiNeSs cOmEs WhEn EvErYtHiNg NuMbS

**Shark Bro:** **_WHO NEEDS COCAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE?_**

**Rock Bro:** I knew that was coming

**Shark Bro:** I needed to get that out of my system

**Rock Bro:** feel better now?

**Shark Bro:** very

  
  


**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Hunky:** its getting worse

**Keef:** what is?

**Hunky:** _Lance_

**Keef:** oh boy

**Hunky:** _he’s singing musicals, Keith_

**Keef:** OH BOY

**Keef:** where is he?

**Hunky:** w o r k

**Keef:** I thought he doesn't work at the cafe on tuesdays?

**Hunky:** he doesn't! He got  _ another _ job

**Keef:** what the 

**Keef:** hes gonna overwork himself :(

**Hunky:** I know :(

**Keef:** :(

**Keef:** I’m off work today, I can go check in on him later?

**Hunky:** bls

**Hunky:** he hardly got any sleep last night and I don't want him to end up hurting himself or something

 **Keef:** yeah, thats a no bueno

 **Keef:** I'll drop by later and force him to take his lunch break and get some food in him

 **Hunky:** oh bless you

 **Keef:** i didn't sneeze

**Hunky:** oh

**Hunky:** m y

**Hunky:** g o d

**Hunky:** BLOCKED

**Keef:** :(

**Hunky:** sigh

**Hunky:** unblocked

**Keef:** !!! :)

**Hunky:** :)

 

  
  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Stoner:** MY YOUTUBE ISNT LETTING ME SIGN IN, HOW AM I GONNA WATCH EPIC GAMER MOMENTS IF I CANT SIGN IN

**Burb:** rip i guess

**Allurable:** have u tried turning it on and off again

**Stoner:** ILL TURN U ON AND OFF AGAIN

**Stoner:** ,,

**Stoner:** wAIT

**Allurable:** YGFUHIFO

**Daddy:** HHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

**MattyB:** SMOOTH ONE, SHAY

**Adamn:** its ok shay, its ok

**Stoner:** ok all jokes aside, my yt seriously aint working and neither is my google drive

**Stoner:** plus my snapchat just deleted my whole story

**Stoner:** _are the autobots coming for me_

**Stoner:** DO I GET TO SEE DADDY OPTIMUS PRIME

**Adamn:** never say that again

**Stoner:** I had a crush on him when I was younger because his voice was hot uwu

**Adamn:** you had a crush,,,,on a robot?

**Stoner:** I sure diddly darn did!

**MattyB:** TFYGUHIO

**Daddy:** speaking of robots

**Daddy:** I had a dream where we were all in a space war. Allura was an alien princess, shay was a rock alien, matt was a rebel fighter. The rest of us flew in these giant robot lions that when put together made a giant man. Lance and Allura also fall in love.

**Allurable:** woah thats

**Allurable:** yucky wtf

**Stoner:** that sounds like a show thats good for the first 3 seasons but then shit for the other 5

**Adamn:** and where was I?

**Daddy:** you broke up with me because u didn’t want me going into outer space because u thought it was spooky, but then i got abducted by aliens and lost my arm, so you were kinda right. But then you died and i married some other guy

**Adamn:** _inch resting_

**Daddy:** ur not dying anytime soon and im not marrying another guy

**Adamn:** INCH RESTING

**Bonk:** lmao yeah, that sounds like the shittiest show ever

**Kink:** count me out of it, shiro are you off your meds?

**Daddy:** I AM PERFECTLY MEDIACTED, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

**Stoner:** I think shiro drank the water

**Bonk:** PSSSH

**Kink:** rgfehdijs

**Allurable:** idk, sounds like an acid trip to me

**Bonk:** how do u know what an acid trip is like?

**Allurable:** I’ve been to 5 coachella’s

**Allurable:** I Know What Acid Is Like

**Adamn:** ur grounded

**Allurable:** GASP

**Stoner:** yeah!

**Stoner:** for doing acid without me!!

**Adamn:** shaY NO

  
  


**_Hot Holts Hate Howdy_ **

**Stringbean:** you good?

**Stringbean:** you’ve been MIA all day?

**Greenbean:** yeah, I’ve been lurking. 

**Greenbean:** idk, im just afraid that if i say something it might lead to something idk

**Stringbean:** I’m sure Lance wouldn’t want you hiding from your friends in fear of setting him off

**Greenbean:** yeah, guess youre right

 **Greenbean:** just feel bad

 **Stringbean:** and thats ok! you did this to figure yourself out! Don't waste your time being all sad

 **Greenbean:** y e ah

**Stringbean:** come  o n, you missed grilling keith because he dressed as an egirl

**Greenbean:** HE DID WHAT

**_Stringbean sent 3 images_ **

**Greenbean:** OH MY G O D

  
  


**_So No Head_ **

**Burb:** keith make a video of you doing Hit or Miss in your egirl get up

**Bonk:** bold of you to assume he didn’t already do that

**Kink:** I TRUSTED YOU

**Bonk:** ROOKIE MISTAKE

**Kink:** :(

**Bonk:** IM KIDDING, OF COURSE YOU CAN TRUST ME

**Kink:** :)

**Bonk:** no one gets the video

**Lank:** u mean this video

**_Lank sent a video to the chat_ **

**Kink:** LANCE ON MY WAY TO MURK U

**Lank:** do it, bet u wont

**Bonk:** on my way to stop keith from murking lance!!!

**Daddy:** Keith, im playing this video at ur wedding

**Adamn:** fuck that! We’re playing this at our wedding!

**MattyB:** play this at my funeral

**Allurable:** why is keith a prettier girl than me

**Burb:** he’s prettier than all of us

**Allurable:** fuck

**Bonk:** DAMN RIGHT HE IS

**Stoner:** UR CASE HUNK, YOU AINT HELPING YOUR CASE

**Bonk:** FUCK

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE DANCING QUEEN SHALL DANCE AGAIN
> 
> Also, the angst aint gonna be in order so,,,,,be prepared,,,,it will come out of nowhere
> 
> ALSO THE YOUTUBE THING REALLY HAPPENED EVERY TIME I TRIED TO SIGN IN IT BOOTED ME OUT AND I TRIED EDITING THIS CHAPTER AND IT TOLD ME THAT I WAS LOCKED OUT. I RESTARTED MY COMPUTER 5 TIMES
> 
> oh! and the model story is also true!! My wallpaper is a picture of my friend trey talking on the phone while flexing his send nudes undies and wearing sunglasses. He also almost was a model and did totally get a call from a super high up science program in DC


	18. egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BIG GAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i meant to post this last night, on the 31st, thats my cats bday uwu

**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** instead of doing my homework i'm watching top 10 gay anime moments

 **Bonk:** Lance you should do your homework omg

 **Lank:** I just wanted to see the kiss from YOI but now look at me

 **Lank:** a sobbing gay mess.

 **Bonk:** oh, god

 **Bonk:** is it Harry Styles bad?

 **Lank:** NOT YET

 **Bonk:** oh g o d

 **Kink:** Harry styles could choke me and id thank him

 **Daddy:** REFUCKINGTWEET

 **Adamn:** hes such a pretty man

 **MattyB:** yall fukin gay

 **Kink:** you literally have a poster of Chris Hemsworth in your room

 **MattyB:** Thor!!

 **Kink:** YOU KISS IT GOODNIGHT

 **MattyB:** YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

 **Daddy:** WE ALL KNOW ABOUT THAT

 **MattyB** : i guess the bags out of the cat now

 **Stoner:** THATS NOT HOW THAT GOES AND YOU KNOW THAT

 **Allurable:** how would that even-

 **Allurable:** OMG THAT POOR CAT

 **Burb:** fking nasty

 **MattyB:** oh shut it, PoGo

 **MattyB:** PIDGE*

**_Kink changed Burb’s name to pogo_ **

**Pogo:** dead to me

 **Stoner:** POKEMON GO TO THE POLLS

 **Lank:** IM JUST CHILLING

 **Lank:** IN CEDAR RAPIDS

 **Stoner:** you complete me

 **Lank:** uwu

 **Allurable:** DONT SNATCH MY MANS

 **Stoner:** I THOUGHT YOU HAVE A NEW MANS

 **Allurable:** I DO BUT I WOULD NEVER LEAVE LANCE

 **Lank:** ladies please, theres enough of me to go around

 **Kink:** he is a lanky boy, just stretch him out

 **Lank:** Keith i don’t appreciate this slander

 **Kink:** and I don’t appreciate yOU SHOWING EVERYONE MY HIT OR MISS VIDEO

 **Lank:** yall hear somthin?

 **Kink:** I will destroy your bloodline

  


**_Hot Holts Hate Howdy_ **

**Greenbean:** do you think he’s going to move on?

 **Stringbean:** depends on how long you’re gonna make him wait

 **Stringbean:** he’ll wait for you, Katie

 **Stringbean:** but he’s also someone who knows what he wants and what he needs

 **Greenbean:** yeah, you’re right

 **Stringbean:** maybe you should go home next week, talk to mom and dad about this

 **Stringbean:** I’m sure they’ll know what's best

 **Stringbean:** plus it gives you some distance to think

 **Greenbean:** and baebae

 **Stringbean:** yes, and baebae

 **Greenbean:** but yeah

 **Greenbean:** it sounds like a good idea

 **Stringbean:** i know, im a genius

 **Greenbean:** I'll kill u

 **Stringbean:** id like to see you try, short stack

 **Greenbean:** i'll snap you in half, twig

 **Stringbean:** only person who can ever snap me in half is Zendaya

 **Greenbean:** valid and weird

 **Stringbean:** :3

  


**_Omg they were roommates_ **

**Matty:** boys,

 **Matty:** yall should come over and play video games with me and Keithy

 **Keithy:** do it before I kill matt

 **Matty:** bls

 **Hunky:** oh bet, lemme just yank lance out of the shower

 **Lancey:** mcscuse me bitch

 **Hunky:** are u just sitting in the bathroom with the water running?

 **Lancey:** AND WHAT IF I AM

 **Hunky:** THE WATER BILL, LANCE

 **Lancey:** FUCK

 **Keithy:** ,,,,bring snacks

 **Hunky:** will do xoxo

 **Keithy:** <3

 **Matty:** the frogs,,,,,are turning the water gay

 **Lancey:** FGHKJ

  


**_S o No Head_ **

******Lanky:** I FORGOT

 **Lanky:** ITS MY CATS BDAY

 **Lanky:** BLUE IS ONE TODAY

 **Lanky:** shes also preggers

 **Lanky:** like the hoe she is

 **Adamn:** OUR CATS ARE TWINS, ITS BABY’S BDAY TOOO

 **Adamn:** but shes not preggers because shes not a slut like blue

 **Lanky:** WHO TF NAMES THEIR CAT BABY

 **Adamn:** ME BITCH

 **Lanky:** THROW DOWN

 **Adamn:** SQUARE UP BITCH

 **Lanky:** but yes, if u want a kitten, hit me tf up, shes about to blow

 **Daddy:** I want a kitty

 **Allurable:** OMG I WANT A KITTY

 **MattyB:** CAN KEITH AND I HAVE A KITTY

 **Kink:** Kosmo is coming home next week, thats not a good idea

 **Bonk:** Kosmo?

 **Kink:** MY BEST BOY EVER, MY BEAUTIFUL HANDSOME GOOD BOY

 **Allurable:** are u talking about hunk?

 **Kink:** n

 **Kink:** mY DOG

 **Allurable:** YOU HAVE A DOG

 **Kink:** I HAVENT SEEN HIM SINCE HE WAS A PUPPY BECAUSE HE WENT TO LIVE WITH MY MOM UNTIL I FOUND A PLACE, BUT THEN MATT AND I MOVED IN TOGETHER AND MY MOM DISAPPEARED LIKE SHE DOES SOMETIMES AND SHE JUST TEXTED ME AND TOLD ME SHE ON HER WAY

 **Daddy:** Krolia is in town?

 **Daddy:** _amazing_

 **Kink:** stop acting like you don’t love my mom

 **Daddy:** mom? I don’t know her

 **Daddy:** I ONLY KNOW A LIAR AND A CHEAT

 **Kink:** JUST BECAUSE SHE TOLD YOU THAT BROWN COWS MAKE CHOCOLATE MILK WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER, MEANS N O T H I N G

 **Daddy:** I BELIEVED HER FOR 3 YEARS

 **Kink:** YOU WERE 15

 **Daddy:** BUT SHES SUCH A SOPHISTICATED LADY, I HAD TO BELIEVE HER

 **Kink:** NO YOU DIDN’T

 **Daddy:** SHES SCARY KEITH

 **Kink:** SURE SHE KILLS PEOPLE BUT SHES A CUDDLE BUG

 **Lank:** HOLD UP

 **Kink:** what

 **Lank:** your mom _kills_ people?

 **Kink:** ,,,no?

 **Kink:** I don’t have a mom

 **Kink:** I was a science experiment

 **Kink:** I broke out of the lab

 **Kink:** am egg

 **Stoner:** yall, am i really that high or did kieth jusy fucking say he was an egg bros

 **Allurable:** lay down shay

 **Stoner:** make me bitch

 **Allurable:** BITCH

 **Stoner:** thats what i thought you stupid ass hoe motherfuking tea and crumpets looking ass, trust fund baby looking ass, i live in a castle looking ass, i have butlers looking ass

 **Allurable:** CORAN ISNT MY BUTLER, HES MY ADVISOR

 **Stoner:** EVEN BETTER

 **Lank:** YOU HAVE AN ADVISOR?

 **Stoner:** she lives in an actual castle

 **Lank:** FIELD TRIP TO ALLURAS

 **Allurable:** actually, yes, all the stylish people come over, I have a date in 3 hours

 **Stoner:** omw

 **Allurable:** you are high, you’re not driving anywhere

 **Adamn:** ILL PICK HER UP, I WANNA SEE THE CASTLE

 **PoGo:** guess i can get out of the house

 **Allurable:** totally the spirit i was looking for!

 **Lank:** I would love to but I already promised myself to the boys

 **Bonk:** we’re gonna game and then group cuddle

 **MattyB:** and by “group cuddle” he means Lance and I get pushed to the floor and Keith and Hunk cuddle on the couch

 **Kink:** HECK YEA

 **MattyB:** lance, we can just go watch YT in my room and cuddle on my bed

 **Lank:** lmao bet

 **Lank:** 2 noodle boys, maybe we’ll fuse and make

 **Lank:** uh

 **Lank:** LATTE

 **MattyB:** LATTE

 **Lank:** SUCK ON THAT H E I T H

 **Kink:** fuck

 **Bonk:** babe,,,,they murked us

 **MattyB:** iN thE aRmS oF aN aNgEl

 **Kink:** blocked

 **Bonk:** reported

 **Kink:** kicked out of the house

 **MattyB:** :(

  


 

**_Thotty Party_ **

**Kooth:** good luck on ur date, dont fuck up

 **Olloo:** thank you! Have fun with the boys!!

 **Kooth:** sneak a pic of the boy and send it to me, i wanna see

 **Olloo:** Lmao bet

 **Olloo:** but i cant figure out what to wear :(

 **Kooth:** I might be gay but i know nothing about fashion

 **Kooth:** ask lance

 **Olloo:** good idea

 **Olloo:** ily

 **Kooth:** ily2

  
  


**_Mermaid Squad uwu_ **

**Allurable** : help, what do I wear?

 **Lancey** : send pics

**_Allurable sent 3 images_ **

**Lancey** : oh god, none of these

 **Lancey** : wear the jacket from the first one with the pants and shoes from the third one and put your hair up how you had it in the second one. Wear a white shirt with it

 **Allurable** : so pink checkered vans,,,black pants,,,white tee,,,,pink bomber jacket,,,with my hair in a bun???

 **Lancey** : put it on and see

 **Allurable** : lmao ok bet

 **Allurable:** YOURE A GENIUS

 **Lancey:** I know

 **Allurable:** so

 **Allurable:** how is my handsome husband to be?

 **Lancey:** e h

 **Allurable:** :(

 **Allurable:** it’ll get better, babe

 **Lancey:** will it?

 **Allurable:** fuck yeah it will!!

 **Allurable:** sometimes space, time to work things out, helps a relationship

 **Allurable:** it might hurt,,,, a lot

 **Allurable:** but you cant spend your time pouting

 **Allurable:** gotta figure yourself out!

 **Allurable:** and trust me, love

 **Allurable:** you two will work this out

 **Lancey:** thank you, Allura

 **Lancey:** ily uwu

 **Allurable:** i love you too!

 **Allurable:** now

 **Allurable:** _take picture of heith for me_

 **Lancey:** lmao bet

 **Allurable:** and lance?

 **Lancey:** hmm?

 **Allurable:** ill always be here for you

 **Lancey:** I know, thank you

 **Allurable:** uwu

 **Lancey:** uwu  
  


 

**_Omg they were roommates_ **

**Matty:** HURRY UP KEITH IS GETTING FIESTY

 **Keithy:** ILL RIP YOUR CHRIS HEMSWORTH POSTER

 **Matty:** GASP

 **Matty:** THATS A CRIME PUNISHABLE BY DEATH

 **Lancey:** omg, we’re right outside the building

 **Matty:** TDFYTUYIUOI

 **Hunky:** DID YOU JUST THROW A LAMP OUT YOUR WINDOW

 **Matty:** SELF DEFENCE

 **Keithy:** GET OVER HERE YOU PUSSY

 **Matty:** YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT

 **Lancey:** TFYGUHJ

 **Hunky:** why are you fighting?

 **Matty:** ….

 **Keithy:** ……

  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** matt and Keith are fighting over the hottest Avenger

 **Stoner:** Tom Holland

 **Kink:** THANK YOU

 **MattyB:** DISOWNED

 

* * *

_**So No Head???** _

_**Pogo changed their name to Burb** _

**Burb:** fuck yall

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOUNG AND SWEET


	19. Lemurs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bitch

**_Klance is canon king_ **

**Lance:** you aint slick bitch

**Keith:** wtf you talking about bitch

**Lance:** _I know you’re secret_

**Keith:** THOSE LEMURS WERE ASKING FOR IT, OK

**Lance:** wh

**Lance:** Keith n-

**Lance:** _what happened with the Lemurs?_

**Keith:** ,,,,this,,,,isnt about the lemurs?

**Lance:** NO??????????

**Keith:** o h

**Lance:** Keith wtf happened with the lemurs

**Keith:** _what are lemurs? i've never heard of them_

**Lance:** omg why are you like this

**Keith:** WHY AREN'T YOU LIKE THIS

**Lance:** you got me there

**Lance:** BUT OMG YOU DISTRACTED ME, THIS IS NOT WHAT I CAME TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT

**Keith:** spill those juice beans

**Lance:** I Know ONE Of Your Secrets

**Keith:** uh oh

**Keith:** ,,,mind telling me which one?

**Lance:** The one where you pine over my best friend and  _ literally say sweet things to him while he’s sleeping next to you _

**Keith:** h u h

**Keith:** iev nevertd heatd of that ones

**Lance:** _mhm_

**Keith:** I MEAN

**Keith:** ISNT IT KINDA OBVIOUS 

**Lance:** I mean

**Lance:** with Hunk? Yes

**Lance:** with you? Idk

**Keith:** what does that mean?

**Lance:** you’re more guarded, but APPARENTLY YOU LET THAT GUARD DOWN WHEN HUNKS SLEEPING NEXT TO YOU AND YOU’RE PLAYING WITH HIS HAIR AND TELLING HIM HOW PRETTY HE IS AND HOW LUCKY YOU ARE

**Keith:** THAT WAS A PRIVATE MOMENT, LANCE

**Lance:** MATT SENT ME OUT FOR SNACKS, I CAME BACK WITH TEA

**Keith:** Matt already knows everything, he’s my vent system

**Lance:** and who do you think is Hunks?

**Keith:** w

**Keith:** wwaitiwaitiwaiti

**Keith:** _he likes me?_

**Lance:** god, you really are oblivious

**Keith:** Lance what does that mean?????????

**Keith:** LANCE

**Keith:** ANSWER ME PLS

**Keith:** YOU FUCKING CUNT UNBLOCK ME

**Keith:** LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE

 

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Bonk:** Keith woke me up because he jumped off the couch, ran into Matt’s room, and I’m  _ assuming _ started beating Lance up because I heard high pitched screaming and Matt’s laughter

**Bonk:** _i wanna know why_

**Kink:** REASONS

**Lank:** yeah like how he has a huge-

**MattyB:** Keith just killed Lance

**Bonk:** _he has a huge w h a t_

**Lank:** heart

**Allurable:** his dick is pretty big too

**Kink:** ALLURA HONERVA ALTEA

**Allurable:** KEITH AKIRA KOGANE

**Kink:** _OOF_

**Burb:** K.O

**Bonk:** thats adorable 

**Lank:** Hunks middle name is Umar

**Bonk:** tis

**Bonk:** after my birth father!

**Bonk:** pretty cool dude

**Daddy:** I keep forgetting that you have 2 moms

**Burb:** how can you forget? They’re the reason he’s so sweet

**Stoner:** OMG YOUR INITIALS ARE HUG

**Bonk:** fghdj

**Bonk:** y e a h

**Kink:** _it all makes so much sense now_

**Bonk:** :)

**Bonk:** Lances full name is Leandro Alejandro McClain-Sanchez 

**Stoner:** dude thats so fucking sexy

**Lank:** omg stop im blushing 

**Stoner:** ruhifej no homo bro

**Lank:** no homo

**Stoner:** I don’t have a middle name uwu

**Daddy:** neither do i

**Adamn:** My middle name is also Alejandro

**Lank:** omg twinsies

**MattyB:** Samuel

**Burb:** Coleen 

**Kink:** basic hoes

**Burb:** you got us there

**MattyB:** Our Italian-ness is bold 

**Burb:** we’re white

**MattyB:** very much so

**Bonk:** can we get back to wHY KEITH IS STILL TRYING TO FIGHT LANCE

**Burb:** probably something stupid

**Burb:** knowing keith

**MattyB:** yeah it is

**MattyB:** but I’m not allowed to tell you

**Bonk:** wh

**Bonk:** w h y

**Stoner:** _WHAT_

**Allurable:** I can hear the bells

**Allurable:** dontcha hear em chime?

**Allurable:** I can feel my heartbeat beating perfect time

**Stoner:** shut up you musical whore

**Allurable:** fair enough

**Burb:** hairspray is iconic, let the women sing

**Allurable:** ily pidge

**Burb:** ily2

**Daddy:** Hunk, if you want keith to stop attacking Lance just tell him you’ll give him ice cream

**Bonk:** oh?

**Kink:** dead to me

**Daddy:** it worked didn’t it?

**Bonk:** very much so!

**Bonk:** but now i have to get up and take him to get ice cream

**MattyB:** we have some in our freezer?

**Bonk:** not good enough

**Adamn:** yall fucking whipped

**Stoner:** ADAM

**Allurable:** gASP A D A M

**Adamn:** both of you are dead to me 

**Stoner:** :)

**Allurable:** :)

 

 

 

**_Lotor Daibazaal to Allura Altea_ **

**Lotor D:** I haven’t seen you yet but I bet you look gorgeous 

**Allura A:** God! You’re such a charmer!

**Lotor D:** thank you i try my best. 

**Allura A:** I will be there shortly! I had to make sure that my friends wouldn’t break anything in my house

**Lotor D:** oh?

**Allura A:** heh yeah, one of them mentioned how nice my home was and others wanted to see so,,,, currently there is a 26 year old man raiding my kitchen, a 18 year old gal screaming at my tv,,,and my best friend sleeping in my room. 

**Lotor D:** sounds like a party

**Allura A:** oh, its lit

**Lotor D:** how splendid 

**Allura A:** yeet

**Lotor D:** yeet

**Allura A:** y e e t

**Lotor D:** YOTE

**Allura A:** YOKE

**Lotor D:** WOKE

**Allura A:** WAKE

**Lotor D:** WACK

**Allura A:** W _ H _ ACK

**Lotor D:** w H A CK

**Allura A:** GFEUHDSI

**Allura A:** OH WAIT IM HERE

**Lotor D:** OH COOL BEANS

**Allura A:** b e a n s

**Lotor D:** _beans_

**Allura A:** coffee beans, like the ones im about to be drinking with a handsome man

**Lotor D:** NICE TRANSITION

**Allura A:** THANKS

 

 

**_Daddy & Son_ **

**Son:** WHAT TF HAPPENED WITH KEITH AND LEMURS?

**Daddy:** _how do you know about that?_

**Son:** HE BROUGHT IT UP, SHIRO

**Daddy:** _ive been sworn to secrecy, lance_

**Son:** pussy

**Daddy:** you are what you eat

**Son:** GASP

**Son:** IM TELLING ADAM

**Daddy:** fuk off slut

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** adaM

**Lank:** shiro said that he eats pussy

**Adamn:** the only thing he eats is this a-

**Burb:** omg, the FBI killed him before he could finish his sentence 

**Burb:** can we get an F in chat

**Allurable:** f

**Daddy:** f

**Kink:** f

**Stoner:** g

**Stoner:** WAIT

**Allurable:** YOU HAD ONE JOB SHAY

  
  
  


**_Omg they were roommates_ **

**Matty:** did yall really go out to get ice cream without us?

**Lancey:** this is biphobia

**Keithy:** Lance hurt my feelings

**Hunky:** he did WHAT

**Lancey:** I SERIOUSLY DID NOTHING

**Keithy:** YOU BROUGHT UP THE LEMURS

**Matty:** ah shit

**Lancey:** WTF HAPPENED WITH THE LEMURS

**Keithy:** I DONT LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT

**Matty:** neither do I

**Lancey:** wha

**Matty:** THEY WERE ASKING FOR IT, OK?

**Lancey:** WTF

 

**_Bro_ **

**Shark Bro:** hows your “totally not a date” going?

**Rock Bro:** WE’RE JUST 2 DUDES HANGING OUT

**Shark Bro:** 5-feet apart cuz they’re not gay??????????

**Rock Bro:** you got me there

**Shark Bro:** I know

**Rock Bro:** but seriously,,,,its just us getting ice cream

**Shark Bro:** mhmm

**Shark Bro:** sure thing

**Rock Bro:** IT IS!!!

**Shark Bro:** yeah, whatever, I’m going home now because Matt’s gf is here and I dont wanna 3rd wheel. 

**Rock Bro:** IS SHE PRETTY, NO ONE KNOWS WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE BESIDES PIDGE

**Shark Bro:** _dude, honestly idk how matt snagged someone like her_

**Rock Bro:** damn

**Rock Bro:** ill meet you back home after

**Shark Bro:** after your  _ date _

**Rock Bro:** NOT A DATE, JUST PALS, NOTHING MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

* * *

 

 

**_Bro_ **

**Rock Bro:** OK MAYBE SOMETHING MORE

**Shark Bro:** HFGJHEFJKLKDWSFJHGFJKDFEHJFEI

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my middle name is Sharon :)


	20. uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I dont even know what happens in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

**_Bro_ **

**Shark Bro:** WHAT HAPPENED

**Rock Bro:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Rock Bro:** B R O

**Shark Bro:** WTF HAPPENED 

 

 

**_Thotty Party_ **

**Kooth:** OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD 

**Olloo:** OMG INDEED, WTF IS UP

**Kooth:** ALLURA OMG I 

**Olloo:** WTF HAPPENED KEITH

**Kooth:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 

**_Big Brown Beauties_ **

**Lura:** TELL ME WHY KEITH IS SCREAMING BLS

**Lancey:** HUNK IS ALSO SCREAMING BUT WONT TELL ME WHY

**Lura:** BRO WTF HAPPENED 

**Shay:** I got some chips, spill the tea sis

**Lancey:** IDK, HE CAME HOME ALL BLUSHY AND IS NOW HIDING IN HIS ROOM AND I CAN HEAR HIM SQUEALING 

**Lura:** AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**MattyB:** i think Keith machine broke

**Daddy:** I can hear him screaming from my apartment, matt did you say that Tom Holland looks like he has a frog in his mouth again?

**MattyB:** NO

**MattyB:** he just came home and yelled

**Stoner:** THE T E A , SPILL IT

**Kink:** Yall are nuts, im perfectly calm and collected

**Kink:** yep, thats me, calm and collected keith

**Kink:** now everyone shut up and leave me alone

**Daddy:** im getting flashbacks

**Daddy:** matt,,,,if he starts playing MCR,,,you need to put him down

**MattyB:** deal

**Bonk:** do that and you're a dead man

**Kink:** gfhdkjsa 

**Kink:** _hi hunk_

 **Bonk:** _hi keith_

**Kink:**

**Kink:**

**Kink:** K, NICE TALKING TO YOU, BYYYYYYYYYYYYYE

**Bonk:** YUP, TOODLES

**Adamn:** did they fuck or what?

**Lank:** THATS WHAT IM TRYING TO FIND OUT

**Burb:** oh my g o d

**Allurable:** this is it boys

**Stoner:** ladies and gentlemen

**Stoner:** we got em

**MattyB:** BABBABABABABABABABAB

**Stoner:** heh

**Stoner:** _but seriously,,,the tea?_

**Bonk:** there is no tea shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Stoner:** sure, jan

**Bonk:** FUCK OFF

**Kink:** _leave him aloooooooooooooone_

**Adamn:** this is disgusting

**Daddy:** we were the same way

**Daddy:** we still kinda are

**Adamn:** i repeat

**Adamn:** _disgusting_

**Daddy:** :(

**Adamn:** I TAKE IT BACK, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING, I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I LOVE YOU TAKASHI

**Daddy:** I love you too

**Adamn:** <3

**Daddy:** <3

**Burb:** so much gay

**Stoner:** OH NO PIDGE,,,ITS SURROUNDING US, WHATEVER SHALL WE DO

**Burb:** WE CANT FIGHT THE GAYS, US HETS,,,WE’RE TOO WEAK

**Allurable:** neither of you are straight

**Burb:** LOOK SHAY, THERE IS A GAY NOW

**Stoner:** RUN

**Allurable:** sigh

 

 

 

**_Bro_ **

**Rock Bro:** OK OK SO

**Shark Bro:** gimme the deets

**Rock Bro:** _he kissed my cheek_

**Shark Bro:** AWWWWW

**Shark Bro:** AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

**Shark Bro:** _wait, hes a fucking midget,,,how did he kiss your cheek_

**Rock Bro:** IDK IT JUST HAPPENED 

**Rock Bro:** AND HES LITERALLY THE SAME HEIGHT AS YOU

**Shark Bro:** IM AN INCH TALLER

**Rock Bro:** oh my g o d

**Rock Bro:** BUT YEAH, HE WALKED ME BACK HOME, WHEN SAYING GOODBYE I HUGGED HIM AND HE KISSED MY CHEEK BEFORE SAYING THAT HE HAD A GOOD TIME AND LITERALLY RUNNING AWAY

**Shark Bro:** FTYGUHJ

**Shark Bro:** AND YOU SAID IT WASNT A DATE

**Rock Bro:** THATS BECAUSE IT WASNT

**Rock Bro:** _at first?_

**Shark Bro:** asK HIM BRO

**Rock Bro:** that is some risky business

**Shark Bro:**  sigh

**Shark Bro:** cant believe i have to do this

**Rock Bro:** wh

**Rock Bro:** _what are you gonna do_

**Shark Bro:** :]

**Rock Bro:** laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaance

 

 

 

**_Klance is Canon King_ **

**Lance:** how was the date uwu

**Keith:** date?

**Lance:** OH COME O N, ARE YOU BOTH SERIOUSLY GONNA TELL ME THAT IT WASN’T A DATE

**Keith:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyes

**Lance:** I know that you smooched his cheek and then dashed

**Keith:** lissen, 

**Lance:** fukin pussy

**Keith:** THIS IS NEW TO ME, LEAVE ME BE

**Lance:** BDJKS FAIR ENOUGH

**Keith:** ...do you think...he wanted it to be a date?

**Lance:** 100% yes

**Keith:** oh boy

**Lance:** did keith want it to be a date?

**Keith:**

**Keith:** OH BOY

**Lance:** :)

 

 

 

**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Keef:** WAS THAT A DATE

**Hunky:** IDK, WAS IT?

**Keef:** IDK, LANCE HAS ME FREAKING OUT

**Hunky:** I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST BROS BEING BROS

**Keef:** SAME

**Hunky:** BUT THEN YOU KISSED MY CHEEK

**Keef:** OH MY GOD I KISSED YOUR CHEEK

**Hunky:** KEITH WTF ARE WE DOING

**Keef:** IDK, WTF DO YOU WANNA DO

**Hunky:** KINDA WANNA CUDDLE

**Keef:** CAN I COME OVER, MATT AND NOCARA ARE BEING NASTY

**Hunky:** YES, PLEASE, DO IT 

**Keef:** LMAO BET

  
  


**_Bro_ **

**Shark Bro:** I hope you know that you scream while you text

**Shark Bro:** hes coming over isnt he?

**Rock Bro:** ….jes

**Shark Bro:** I’m calling shay, she’ll come be my pretend girlfriend while I sulk

**Rock Bro:** _or you can talk to pidge?_

 **Shark Bro:** _OH SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY_

**Rock Bro:** sigh

**Rock Bro:** worth a shot

  
  


**_Nerds_ **

**Hunk:** hows it hanging, greenbean

**Pidge:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaimisshimaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**Hunk:** Do you think you’re ready yet?

**Pidge:** idk, its been what? 2 weeks

**Hunk:** yeah just about

**Pidge:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**Pidge:** I’m going home this week and im gonna talk it out with my mom and dog

**Hunk:** d

**Hunk:** dog?

**Pidge:** My dad is stupid when it comes to love, when my mom first kissed him he later asked his friend if they think she likes him

**Hunk:** oh my god

**Pidge:** yeah

**Hunk:** it all makes so much sense now

**Pidge:** >:0

**Hunk:** IM KIDDING

**Hunk:** also was talking about Matt

**Pidge:** pssh

**Hunk:** _but he also misses you and is torturing shay with romcoms_

**Pidge:** oh my god hdfkjs

**Pidge:** he really misses me?

**Hunk:** of course, pidge

**Pidge:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Pidge:** fuck this shit bro

**Hunk:** just go home and think this out, pidgey

**Pidge:** yeah yea

**Pidge:** how are you and emo mullet

**Hunk:** SHUT UP

**Pidge:** I WAS JUST ASKING A QUESTION

**Hunk:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** WAIT OMG BLUE HAD HER BABIES

**Lank:** 5 BEAUTIFUL KITTIES HAVE BEEN BROUGHT INTO MY WORLD

**Bonk:** IM CRYING

**Lank:** HE I S

**Kink:** FUCK, ILL BE RIGHT OVER

**MattyB:** I WANNA SEE THE BBS

**Allurable:** YES YES YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES IM ON MY WAY, SHAY, DO YOU NEED A RIDE?

**Stoner:** I’ve been here for like

**Stoner:** an hour

**Allurable:** COOL, PIDGE IM PICKING YOU UP

**Burb:** uh

**Burb:** _okie_

 **Daddy:** _Adam and I are currently naked, will be there shortly_

**Lank:** DID NOT NEED TO KNOW T H A T

**Daddy:** ghfdjkls

**Lank:** NASTY

**Kink:** YUCKY

**Lank:** DISGUSTING

**Kink:** NO WAY

**Lank:** wait no, keith come over and we can get naked

**Kink:** _oh_

**Kink:** ‘,:)

**Lank:** FYGFUEHDIWJ

**Bonk:** **_no_**

**Kink:** sorry, I cant do it, mom said no

**Lank:** FTYGUYIU

  
  


**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Keef:** i would never get naked with Lance

**Hunky:** THATS NICE TO KNOW

**Keef:** sigh

**Keef:** im almost there, and I Am Freezing 

**Hunky:** Lucky for you, I am a human heater with lots of sweaters

**Keef:** Yeah

**Keef:** I’m so lucky

**Hunky:** I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not?

**Keef:** :)

**Hunky:** I CANT READ SARCASM THROUGH TEXT KEITH, I NEED TO KNOW THIS

**Keef:** I’m just

**Keef:** really lucky to have someone like you in my life

**Hunky:** oh

**Hunky:** _oh_

**Hunky:** I can say the same for me, but yknow, about you

**Keef:** oh yeah?

**Hunky:** _yeah_

**Hunky:** really really lucky

**Keef:** oh

**Hunky:** mhm

**Keef:** _yeah_

**Hunky:** we need to stop getting so blushy with this stuff

**Keef:** I CANT HELP IT HUNK

**Hunky:** IT GETS SO UWU

**Keef:** YOU HAVE MY UWUS

**Hunky:** gasp

**Hunky:** DO YOU REALLY MEAN THAT

**Keef:** OF COURSE

**Hunky:** UWU

**Keef:** :O

**Keef:** UWU!!!

**Hunky:** god, we’re awful

**Keef:** literally the worst

 

 

 

**_Hot Holts Hate Howdy_ **

**Stringbean:** you gonna be good? Seeing Lance and y’know,,,being at his house?

**Greenbean:** we’re not alone, so yes

**Greenbean:** maybe

**Greenbean:** I DONT KNOW

**Stringbean:** k chill out home slice geez

**Greenbean:** siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

**Greenbean:** Maybe I should just

**Greenbean:** facetime mom and ask her

**Stringbean:** i mean, thats one way of doing things

**Greenbean:** I JUST MISS HIM SO MUCH AND I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS STUPID AND I ONLY LASHED OUT LIKE THAT BECAUSE IM INSECURE AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND BECAUSE I THINK HES SO BEAUTIFUL IM CONVINCED THAT EVERYONE ELSE MUST THINK HES BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY AND EVERYONE WANTS TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME, BUT I KNOW NOW THAT HE DOESNT WANT ANYONE ELSE AND HE JUST WANTS ME AND THATS LITERALLY ENOUGH FOR ME NOT TO BE UPSET AND FOR ME TO BE OK WITH HIM KISSING HIS FRIENDS CHEEK BECAUSE  _ I KNOW _ THAT HES MINE. AND MY LANCE WOULD NEVER HURT ME AND OMG I HURT HIM INSTEAD BECAUSE IM A STUPID LITTLE BITCH. AND NOW IM TOO SCARED TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IVE RUINED EVERYTHING AND I DONT WANNA RUIN EVERYTHING BECAUSE I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE IM A GIANT PUSSY

**Stringbean:** ,,,how long have you’ve been sitting on that?

**Greenbean:** A FEW DAYS

**Stringbean:** you literally don’t need to talk or see anyone pidge

**Stringbean:** _you literally figured this out on your own_

**Greenbean:** oh my god

**Greenbean** : OH MY GOD

**Greenbean:** HOW DO I DO THIS NOW? HOW DO I TELL HIM GDFJS

**Stringbean:** ...can I?

**Greenbean:** what?!

**Stringbean:** just

**Stringbean:** trust me alright?

**Greenbean:** I trust you

 

 

**_Ultimate Memes_ **

**Mattattack:** hey bro

**Lancerdancer:** yeah bro

**Mattattack:** sit down for a sec

**Lancerdancer:** huh?

**Mattattack:** I’m about to send you something,,,and i’m p sure that you should be sitting down

**Lancerdancer:** Matt if its another ant-man going up thanos’s ass meme-

**Mattattack:** just

**Mattattack:** read it bls

**Lancerdancer:** lmao ok

**_Mattattack sent a screenshot_ **

**Lancerdancer:** who’s gree-

**Lancerdancer:** o

**Lancerdancer:** _oh my god_

**Mattattack:** talk to her because shes too much of a pussy

**Lancerdancer:** oh my g o d MATT

**Lancerdancer:** I

**Lancerdancer:** _ OH MY GOD SHES COMING OVER _

**Mattattack:** IF YALL DONT TALK ILL LOCK YOU IN A CLOSET

**Lancerdancer:** WAIT THATS ACTUALLY A GOOD IDEA, DO THAT

**Mattattack:** SERIOUSLY?

**Lancerdancer:** DO IT DUDE

**Mattattack:** LMAO OK

**Lancerdancer:** this is fine

**Lancerdancer:** **_everything is fine_ **

**Mattattack:** ,,,,yes

 

 

**_Sus_ **

**Matt:** we’re locking them in a closet

**Keith:** cool

**Shiro:** im gonna be stuck with carrying Pidge aren’t i?

**Matt:** no, Allura is

**Hunk:** she wont hurt Allura, she’ll hurt you

**Shiro:** i hate how true that is

**Allura:** :)

**Shay:** someone stop to the store and buy me some fruit snacks

**Matt:** of course, babe

**Shay:** :)

**Adam:** why are we locking them in a closet?

**Matty:** because they’re stupid and Lance said I could

**Allura:** makes sense

**Hunk:** just make sure pidge doesnt break anything

**Shiro:** you of all people know that we can’t stop her from doing that

**Hunk:** :[

**Shay:** dont worry, you and Keith can take the  _ other _ closet

**Hunk:** YOU KNOW WHAT

**Keith:** WE WILL

**Hunk:** YEAH

**Keith:** SUCK ON T HA T

**Shay:** oh, we won’t be the ones sucking on anything

**Adam:** SHAY

**Allura:** tfyguhijok

**Shiro:** ICON

**Matt:** HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH

**Hunk:** I

**Keith:** a

**Shay:** :)

**Keith:** this is homophobia

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Allurable:** HEY GANG, CAN MY GUY PAL COME AS WELL, HE WANTS TO MEET YALL

**Lank:** yEAH SURE I DONT CARE

**Kink:** YES

**Kink:** I wanna see how pretty he is

**Bonk:** :O

**Kink:** _no one will ever be as pretty as you, Hunk_

**Stoner:** no one will ever be as petty either

**MattyB:** RRRRRRRRROASTED

**Burb:** SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT BURNED

**Kink:** _stop hurting my boy_

 **Allurable:** _your boy???_

**Kink:** STOP THIS FUCKERY

**Stoner:** :)

**Adamn:** :)

**Daddy:** :)

**Allurable:** :)

**Lank:** :)

**Burb:** :)

**MattyB:** :)

 

* * *

 

**MattyB:** they both blocked me

**Allurable:** yup

**Stoner:** those fuckers

**Daddy:** its what we deserve

**Adamn:** is it really?

**Burb:** no

**Lank:** no

**Burb:** no its not

**Lank:** not at all

**MattyB:** we deserve to see kittens now

**Lank:** YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw Mama Mia the play last night, and let me tell you, that was one of the gayest things- Vermont (where I live) just HAS to be extrA and gay as fuck with EVERYTHING. THERE WERE MEN WITH GLITTER BEARDS AND SKIRTS.


	21. closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLANTS
> 
> also fuckery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! I got my nails did and I've been adjusting to them lol so typing has been tricky. The only thing I don't like about the nails is that they're not sharp. My built-in knives have been taken away from me :(
> 
> also sorry if this is kinda short
> 
> ALSO THERE ARE LOTS OF TIME SKIPS??/ IDK MAN

**_Ultimate Memes_ **

**Lancerdancer:** AH DAMN I WASN’T EXPECTING HER TO LOOK THIS CUTE

**Mattattack:** FGHJKJLK

**Lancerdancer:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Mattattack:** im gonna let her see the kittens before pretending to force you into a closet and then have Allura snag her

**Lancerdancer:** why not Shiro?

**Mattattack:**  she wont hurt Allura, she’ll kill Shiro

**Lancerdancer:** god

**Lancerdancer:** I LOVE HER MATT

**Lancerdancer:** i love ur sister, how does that make you feel

**Mattattack:** happy

**Lancerdancer:** I WASN’T EXPECTING AN ACTUAL ANSWER WTF YOU SLUT

**Mattattack:** OMG DONT FUCKING CRY LANCE YOU PUSSY

**Lancerdancer:** IM EMOTIONAL

**Mattattack:** whata bitch. 

**Lancerdancer:** :(

**Mattattack:** OK, KEITH AND I ARE NOW GONNA DRAG YOU TO THE CLOSET

**Lancerdancer:** aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

* * *

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Burb:** WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY

**MattyB:** neither of you are leaving that closet

**Burb:** WHAT THE-

**Burb:** _is this why you fucking asked me to trust you_

**Allurable:** hue hue

**Kink:** :)

**Lank:** _why aren’t hunk and keith in a closet tho_

**Stoner:** 1\. They’re not as stupid as you two

**Stoner:** 2\. They both can literally kill us. 

**Lank:** fair enough

**Burb:** :(

**Lank:** n

**Lank:** _no_

**Stoner:** :)

**Allurable:** :)

**Adamn:** :)

**Daddy:** :)

**MattyB:** :)

**Bonk:** :)

**Kink:** :)

 

* * *

 

 

**_Sus_ **

**Keith:** they’ve been in there for a while now,,,,

**Shay:** DO YOU THINK THEY’RE FUCKING

**Hunk:** nah

**Adam:** 20 bucks they’re both crying and kinda just holding each other

**Allura:** 30 bucks they havent even talked and they’re just playing games on their phone

**Shiro:** bet, gonna be 30 bucks richer

**Shay:** bet

**Adam:** _wait if allura is wrong do you all owe me 20 bucks_

**Shay:** FUCK

**Shiro:** BUT IF BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG, YOU OWE US EACH 20 AND ALLURA OWES US 30

**Allura:** DID NOT THINK THIS THROUGH

**Keith:** lmao, count me outta this one

**Hunk:** same

**Matt:** yep

**Keith:** Matt and I are saving up for dog things for my son

**Matt:** _our_ son

 **Keith:** _before sunrise he’s your son_

**Matt:** MUFASA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Keith:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Hunk:** _I’m surrounded by idiots_

**Allura:** IN NO UNIVERSE ARE YOU SCAR, SHUT UP

**Shay:** hunk would be pumba, Lance would be Timone

**Hunk:** YES

**Matt:** LMAO WHO IS SIMBA

**Shay:** SHIRO

**Shay:** ADAM IS NALA

**Shay:** keith, matt, and myself are the 3 hyenas 

**Matt:** _am i eddie?_

**Shay:** you already know the answer to that

**Shay:** Allura is Zazu

**Allura:** I’m highly offended 

**Shay:** Pidge is fuckin rafiki

**Matt:** HAHHAH

**Allura:** SPEAKING OF

**Allura:** who volunteers to go snoop

**Matt:** bet

  
  


 

**_Lotor to Allura_ **

**Lotor:** hey, I think I’m here but I’m not 100% sure?

**Allura:** OH GOODIE!! I’ll come down and see 

**Lotor:** cool cool

**Lotor:** this is lances place, right?

**Allura:** yeah, but he’s currently locked in a closet

**Lotor:** ah-

**Lotor:** _wait_

**Allura:** HAHHAHA

**Lotor:** why is lance in a closet

**Allura:** ILL EXPLAIN WHEN I FIND YOU

**Lotor:** AAAAH OK

  
  


 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Allurable:** Lotor is here, no fuckery

**Allurable:** if u scare him away ill destroy your bloodline

**Kink:** bold of you to assume I have any blood

**Daddy:** yeah, Taylor Swift sucked it all out of him

**Kink:** I can’t believe you don’t remember that Allura

**Allurable:** THIS

**Allurable:** THIS IS WHAT I MEAN

**Stoner:** i actually would love to fuck with you but matt and i are snooping rn

**MattyB:** CUE SPY MUSIC

**Allurable:** ooooo whats the tea?

**Stoner:** its completely quiet but we can hear some mubling so…

**Stoner:** WAIT THIS IS THE MAIN GC

**Bonk:** YALL HAD ONE JOB

**Lank:** why

**Lank:** whY CANT YOU LEAVE US ALONE

**Burb:** >:O

**Kink:** TYGHUJI

**Bonk:** HAHAH OMG

**Daddy:** pssh

**Allurable:** wHAT, WHAT HAPPENED?

**Kink:** Lance swug the closet door open and hit shay and matt

**Allurable:** ha

**Allurable:** suckers

**Kink:** right in the face omg

**Burb:** its what they deserve

**Stoner: NO ITS NOT**

**Stoner:** I am a child of god, I did nothing to deserve this slander

**Lank:** Invasion of privacy

**Stoner:** lissen…

**Lank:** no

**Lank:** NOW IF YOU EXCUSE US

**Burb:** we’re going on a walk, leave us alone

**Kink:** [*insert smoochin sounds*]

**Bonk:** hahhahahah..ha

  
  


 

**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Hunky:** MEET ME IN MY BEDROOM CLOSET

**Keef:** oh?

**Keef:** bet lmao

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** I love coming home to 2 couples making out on my couch and Matt and Shay making a mess in the kitchen

**Bonk:** THEY’RE DOING W H A T

**Kink:** you just had to say that

**Kink:** I was COMFORTABLE

**Bonk:** IM SORRY BUT MY K I T C H E N

**Stoner:** Allura and Prince Legolas started smooching, If I didn’t do something destructive I would have thrown up

**Allurable:** hey now, 

**MattyB:** YOU’RE A ROCKSTAR

**Bonk:** N O

**Bonk:** WHAT IS ON THE CEILING FAN

**Bonk:** WHY IS THERE A KITTEN ON TE CEILING FAN

**Stoner:** THATS WHERE SHE WENT

**Lank:** SH A Y

**MattyB:** SHE MUSTVE FALLEN INTO THE POTATOES SO WHEN WE THREW THEM SHE GOT YEETED

**Lank:** OH MY G O D, WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE SHES A B A B Y

**Kink:** dont put baby in corner

**Lank:** KEITH NO tfeygufhiwj

**Burb:** I love how Shiro and Adam, the actual adults, are just,,,,sucking face and ignoring the chaos around them

**Bonk:** god i wish that were me

**Bonk:** SHAY, MATT, START FUCKING CLEANING BEFORE I BREAK BOTH OF YOUR SPINES

**Stoner:** break my bones daddy

**Bonk:** NO

  
  


 

**_Bro_ **

**Rock Bro:** sigh

**Rock Bro:** I’m assuming everything went well?

**Shark Bro:** Si

**Rock Bro:** so you’re back together?

**Shark Bro:** si

**Rock Bro:** oh thank god I don’t have to deal with your crying anymore

**Shark Bro:** s-

**Shark Bro:** BITCH

  
  


 

**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Keef:** if u dont come back soon I’m gonna watch the next episode without you

**Hunky:** GASP

**Hunky:** YOU WOULDNT DARE

**Keef:** try me bitch

**Hunky:** :O

 

* * *

 

  
  


**_Lotor to Allura_ **

**Lotor:** so…

**Lotor:** that was fantastic 

**Allura:** I want you to know that I never really go that fast

**Allura:** you’re just really hot

**Lotor:** fehjd why thank you 

**Allura:** ;)

**Allura:** I’ll see you Sunday, yeah?

**Lotor:**  oh most defiently 

**Allura:** :)

**Lotor:** :)

  
  


 

**_Plants_ **

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** I’m actually glad that they forced us into a closet

**Laaaaaance:** heheh about that….

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** ?

**Laaaaaance:** they really only forced  _ you _ into the closet… 

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** _ Lance _

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** what did you do

**Laaaaaance:** I might have,,,asked matt to help me out?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** so...you’re the reason,,,i was locked in a smelly shoe closet,,,,for an hour?

**Laaaaaance:** we werent really locked in either….

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU BITCH

**Laaaaaance:** NO PLEASE, YOU LOVE ME REMEMBER?

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** ME LOVING YOU DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT THAT IM GONNA WHIP YOUR ASS

**Laaaaaance:** KINKY

**Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge:** LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE

**Laaaaaance:** HDSFGUSHDASI

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anyone know how to get over someone? asking for a friend
> 
> also
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> friday night and the lights are low


	22. pup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**_So No Head???_ **

**Kink:** MY PUPPY IS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME

**_Kink sent 87 pictures_ **

**Allurable:** Keith,,,ily but

**Allurable:** _87 pictures!!!_

**Kink:** lissen

**Kink:** hes my s o n

**Bonk:** the pictures of you two together im ufuehdwij

**Stoner:** hunk machine broke

**Bonk:** very

**Kink:** hes a very shy boy so all of you can’t come over at once

**Bonk:** IM COMING IDK

**Kink:** you’re his step-dad, of course

**Burb:** Lance and I are also coming, fuck all yall hoes

**Stoner:** fuck

**Allurable:** :(

**Bonk:** wait where is lance, he didnt come home last night

**Burb:** thats because he spent the night with me

**MattyB:** DID MY SISTER FINALLY GET THAT LANKY DICK

**Burb:** no comment 

**Lank:** no she did not

**Burb:** fuck you lance

**Lank:** maybe later

**MattyB:** ah god damn my sister boning a LEGEND

**Burb:** SIGH

**MattyB:** anyway, i love this dog 

**Kink:** Matt rn is legit the meme

**Kink:** “I’ve only known Kosmo for 30 min but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone and then myself”

**MattyB:** you cant talk, you started crying when he rolled over

**Kink:** SUCH GOOD BOY

**MattyB:** THE BEST

**Adamn:** fucking pussies

**Kink:** cat people? Not allowed to meet my son

**Adamn:** BITCH

**Kink:** :)

  
  
  


**_Shiro to Shay_ **

**Shiro:** why are you listening to gay pining songs

**Shay:** WHY ARE YOU ALL UP IN MY PUSSY BOY

**Shiro:** s  h a     y

**Shay:** okok

**Shiro:** whats up buttercup?

**Shay:** nothing, nothing

**Shiro:** are you sure?

**Shay:** yes?

**Shiro:** ok just saying,,,,because yesterday when Allura and Lotor were sucking face you seemed pretty out of it…

**Shay:** ILL SUCK YOUR FACE BITH

**Shiro:** please dont

**Shay:** yeah...not gonna happen

**Shay:** BUT IM FINE, LURA CAN SUCK FACE WITH WHOEVER SHE WANTS IDC, HER BODY HER RULES, EMPOWER THE WOMEN

**Shiro:** ...im coming over with snacks

**Shay:** please

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Adamn:** shiro left me for shay, someone come over im lonely 

**Allurable:** omw bitch

**Adamn:** LMAO BET

**Kink:** get this het speak out of my christian minecraft server

**Adamn:** ew, you’re right

**Allurable:** sorry broski

**Kink:** ….

**Allurable:** KEITH UNBLOCK ME

**Kink:** its what she deserves

**Bonk:** truly

**Allurable:** NOT YOU TOO, HUNK

**Bonk:** het speak is forbidden in this sacred chat. 

**Kink:** uwu

**Bonk:** uwu

**Stoner:** they must be stopped

**Lank:** put me out of my misery, just FUCK ALREADY

**Kink:** lo siento, no hablo ingles

**Lank:** SPANISH IS MY NATIVE LANGUAGE YOU FUCKER

**Burb:** kill him bb

**Lank:** WITH PLEASURE 

**Lank:** America has 50 stars

**Lank:** Cuba has one,

**Lank:** me

**Lank:** its me, im the star

**Kink:** psssh

**Burb:** ARE YOU SAYING THAT MY BOY IS NOT A STAR

**Kink:** MAYBE I AM

**Burb:** SQUARE UP THOT

**Kink:** BET

**Lank:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

**Bonk:** n O

**Lank:** ah shit, sorry babe, mom said no

**Burb:** ah shit

**Bonk:** sToP calling me MOM

**Lank:** no

**Bonk:** :O

**Burb:** it makes sense,,,,because Shiro is your bitch

**Lank:** AND HES THE ULTIMATE DADDY

**Adamn:** damn right he is

**Kink:** ok no

**Daddy:** :) whats wrong keith?

**Kink:** i wish you aborted me

**Daddy:** i didnt birth you?

**Kink:** proof?

**MattyB:** your birth mom is in the room with us right now?

**MattyB:** you’re sitting next to her?

**MattyB:** _shes very excited to meet hunk_

**Bonk:** OH?

**Bonk:** hunk is very excited to meet her as well!

**Kink:** this is a cruel world

**Bonk:** babe, listen

**Stoner:**  I JSUT CHOKED WHAT DO U

**Daddy:** bAbE

**Bonk:** oh i see, im being attacked

**Allurable:** keith and hunk: we’re not dating

**Allurable:** also keith and hunk: cuddle in the closet, take naps together, call each other BABE

**Kink:** this,,,,this is illegal

**Bonk:** hahhahahahha what the fuck

**Burb:** you guys made fun of me when i called Lance babe

**Lank:** this is just payback

**Burb:** <3

**Lank:** <3

**Kink:** bitches

**Bonk:** traitors

**Burb:** we love yooooooooooooooooooou

**Kink:** DOUBTFUL

  
  
  


**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Hunky:** _are we dating_

**Keef:** i

**Keef:** I dont think so?

**Keef:** not like this at least, I don’t wanna date you like this

**Keef:** I want something proper, something,,,you worthy

**Hunky:** me worthy?

**Keef:** you deserve something grand

**Hunky:** _keith_

**Keef:** I’m gonna give you something grand

**Hunky:** I think that you’re grand enough

**Keef:** IM GONAN TAKE YOU ON A GRAND DATE AND THEN WE CAN TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP

**Hunky:** ok, keith

**Hunky:** calm down, darling

**Keef:** oh so now you’re bringing out the pet names?

**Hunky:** I can’t help it :)

**Keef:** SLANDER

**Hunky:** :)))

**Keef:** LEAVE ME BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**Hunky:** you dont really mean that

**Keef:** you’re right I don’t

**Hunky:** also let me in, I’m at your place and I brought muffins

**Keef:** blueberry?

**Hunky:** you know it

**Keef:** ANGEL

**Hunky:** <3

**Keef:** <3

  
  
  


**_Bro_ **

**Rock Bro:** imma marry him

**Shark Bro:** am I gonna be the best man?

**Rock Bro:** d U h

**Shark Bro:** heck yeah

**Shark Bro:** bUT WHAT HAPPENED?

**Rock Bro:** I ASKED HIM IF WE WERE DATING

**Rock Bro:** AND HE WAS LIKE, I DONT THINK SO BUT I WANNA DATE YOU BUT I WANNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING GRAND SOMETHING “YOU WORTHY” AND I WAS LIKE, YOU ARE GRAND AND WORTHY AND HE SCREAMED AND NOW WE’RE GONNA GO ON A DATE BUT I DONT KNOW WHEN OR WHERE ALSO HIS MOM IS COOL

**Shark Bro:** woah woah 

**Shark Bro:** slow your roll broski

**Rock Bro:** aaaaaaaaaaaaa

**Rock Bro:** its just everything is going so well and im so hAPPY AND HES HAPPY AND THAT MAKES ME EVEN MORE HAPPY

**Shark Bro:** I’m glad you finally found someone who makes you this happy

**Shark Bro:** I know that your  _ past _ relationships weren’t the best and that HE was a dick

**Rock Bro:** he wasn’t a dick, we just,,,didn’t fit well, we’re good now,,,I think?

**Shark:** and by good do you mean “i still hate him but imma act nice cuz im nice”

**Rock Bro:** ...yes

**Shark Bro:** sigh, well pidge and i are almost there

**Rock Bro:** yay!!!

**Shark Bro:** love ya man

**Rock Bro:** love you too bro

 

_ :)  _

 

**_Ryan Kinkade to Hunk Garret_ **

**Ryan:** Hunk, Hello

**Hunk:** Ryan, what a surprise!

**Ryan:** I was just texting you to let you know that I’ll be in town shortly and i was wondering if you would like to meet up sometime?

**Hunk:** you’re coming to town? Really? I haven’t seen you since you transfered

**Ryan:** yeah, I have some friends that go to VU

**Hunk:** oh really! Who are they? I might know them

**Ryan:** Nadia Rizavi, Ina Leifsdottir, and James Griffin

**Hunk:** J

**Hunk:** James griffin?

**Ryan:** yeah, we’ve been friends for  _ ages _

**Hunk:** hahhahahhaahahhah 

**Hunk:** yeah, i uh, ive sure heard of him

**Ryan:** all good things I hope

**Hunk:** yeAH! All  _ great _ things

**Ryan:** anyway, I was hoping to catch up with you, maybe even catch a movie and get some dinner?

**Hunk:** o-oh

**Hunk:** _oh_

**Hunk:** um yeah! Sure, why not?

**Ryan:** great! Can’t wait to see you :)

**Hunk:** haha yeah…

  
  


 

**_Bro_ **

**Rock Bro:** I’M FUCKED

**Shark Bro:** WHAT HAPPENED

**Rock Bro:** HE texted me

**Rock Bro:** god damn, its like you talk about him and he just pops up

**Shark Bro:** WHAT DOES HE WANT

**Rock Bro:** HES COMING TO TOWN AND WANTS TO MEET UP AND GET DINNER

**Shark Bro:** THATS NO BUENO

**Rock Bro:** BUT GET THIS, HES BEST PALS WITH JAMES

**Shark Bro:** JAMES GRIFFIN?

**Rock Bro:** Y E  AH 

**Shark Bro:** THE SIRENS ARE GOING OFF HUNK

**Rock Bro:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME

**Shark Bro:** impossible

**Rock Bro:** ur right

**Shark Bro:** as always

**Rock Bro:** BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Shark Bro:** calm down and go cuddle keith

**Rock Bro:** GOD YOU’RE A GENIUS

**Shark Bro:** I know. 

* * *

  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Burb:** which one of you fuckers fed lances ego?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY  
> DANCE QUEEN


	23. sucking face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy

**_Bro_ **

**Rock Bro:** keith is being so cute but guilt is taking over my body

 **Shark Bro:** maybe u should cancel your plans with Kinkade?

 **Rock Bro:** Hmmmm maybe

 **Rock Bro:** but imma need a solid excuse because I Can Not Lie

 **Shark Bro:** plan something that you know you can’t back out of

 **Rock Bro:** hMMMMM LIKE WHAT

 **Shark Bro:** _well_

 **Rock Bro:** ???

 **Shark Bro:** coughcoughtakekeithoutcoughcough

 **Rock Bro:** GENIUS

 **Shark Bro:** yes,,,thats me

  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Burb:** SERIOUSLY WHO IS FEEDING LANCES EGO I CANT DEAL WITH HIM GFHDJ

 **Bonk:** lissen

 **Burb:** oh its you

 **Burb:** i cant get mad at you

 **Bonk:** :]

  
  


**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Hunky:** I WANNA TAKE YOU OUT

 **Keef:** like with a gun or on a date

 **Hunky:** idk, you feeling lucky punk?

 **Keef:** TGYHUJI

 **Keef:** yes i would love to go on a date

 **Hunky:** how does Saturday sound?

 **Keef:** y e s

 **Hunky:** Arcade?

 **Keef:** Y E S

 **Hunky:** _chinese food?_

 **Keef:** GOD ITS LIKE YOU KNOW THE WAY TO MY HEART

 **Hunky:** rghfedjis

  
  


**_Hunk Garrett to Ryan Kinkade_ **

**Hunk:** hey, I’m sorry but something came up :(

 **Ryan:** really? Is everything ok?

 **Hunk:** oh everything is fine!

 **Hunk:** I’m actually going on a date with my hopefully-soon-to-be-boyfriend!

 **Ryan:** oh,

 **Ryan:** thats cool!

 **Ryan:** whats his name, I might know him?

 **Hunk:** hahah doubt it!!

 **Ryan:** oh come on Hunk!

 **Hunk:** i seriously doubt that you would know him haha!!

 **Ryan:** just tell me his name hunk!

 **Ryan:** come on!

 **Hunk:** sigh

 **Hunk:** Keith

 **Hunk:** His name is Keith

 **Ryan:** Keith...Kogane?

 **Hunk:** the one and only

 **Ryan:** huh

 **Hunk:** hmm?

 **Ryan:** nothing, the names familiar that’s all.

 **Hunk:** oh, ok

  
  


**_Bro_ **

**Rock Bro:** HE KNOWS WHO KEITH IS, WHAT IF HE SAYS SOMETHING TO JAMES AND JAMES SAYS SOMETHING TO KEITH AND EVERYTHING GETS RUINED

 **Shark Bro:** thats when shiro and I beat the shit out of them

 **Rock Bro:** do you mean Shiro and Allura?

 **Shark Bro:** FUCK OFF

 **Rock Bro:** i gotta tell keith bro

 **Shark Bro:** whatever feels best bro

 **Rock Bro:** ily bro

 **Shark Bro:** ily2 bro

  


**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Hunky:** I need to confess to something

 **Keef:** ok?

 **Hunky:** my ex is in town

 **Keef:** oh

 **Hunky:** But i swear to god I have NO feelings for him! He actually asked me to dinner and stuff and I said yes because I don’t know how to be mean and say no. But then I found out that he’s like,,,best friends with James and that was a nono for me so I told him that I couldn’t go because I was taking my hopefully-soon-to-be-boyfriend on a date and he asked for your name and I didn’t wanna tell him but he kept asking and i said keith and he knows who you are then he got all weird and now im scared that james might text you and make you sad and i dont like it when youre sad because it hurts me. I swear Kinkade means NOTHING to me, I did use you as an excuse but you are so fucking important to me and

 **Keef:** woah there, hunky

 **Keef:** calm down, babe

 **Hunky;** aaaaaaa ok yes

 **Keef:** I get it, I understand

 **Hunky:** Keith I Really Like You

 **Keef:** I know, Hunk

 **Hunky:** I don’t think you do though! I like you sososososo much

 **Keef:** _Hunk, I know_

 **Hunky:** I LIKE YOU A LOT KEITH

 **Keef:** I LIKE YOU A LOT TOO HUNK

 **Hunky:** LIKE, I LIKE _LIKE_ YOU

 **Keef:** HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNK, CALM D O W N

 **Hunky:** yes

 **Keef:** Thank you for telling me about this, if James even thinks about texting me-

 **Hunky:** Allura and Shiro will beat him

 **Keef:** yes, they will

 **Keef:** its fine hunk

 **Hunky:** okok

 **Keef:** do you want to come over?

 **Hunky:** pls

 **Keef:** I was about to take a nap but you can join me

 **Hunky:** _pls_

 **Keef:** well then get your pretty butt over here

 **Hunky:** on my waaaaaaaaaaaaaay

  


**_So No Head???_ **

**MattyB:** Keith and Hunk stop being gay around Matt challenge: failed.

 **MattyB:** Lance and Pidge stop being nasty around Matt challenge: failed.

 **MattyB:** Matt stop crying because he misses his gf challenge:failed.

 **Daddy:** I feel as if there is a story behind Matts sorrow

 **MattyB:** HEY LET ME GO VISIT MY SISTER BECAUSE SHE LIVES ALONE AND I LOVE HER, BUT WAIT LANKY DICK IS THERE AND THEY’RE BEING N A S T Y

 **Lank:** lissen

 **MattyB:** BUT THEN I GO HOME

 **MattyB:** KEITH AND HUNK BASICALLY FUCKING EACH OTHER ON THE C O U C H

 **Kink:** _lissen_

 **MattyB:** AND I CANT GO SEE NOCARA BECAUSE SHES OUT OF TOWN AND I MISS MY BABY

 **Adamn:** awww, you can come hang out with us?

 **MattyB:** HOW IS THAT ANY BETTER

 **Daddy:** you got us there

 **Stoner:** come over queen.

 **MattyB:** bet queen

 **Stoner:** ur gf is out of town and i dont have one so,, but my toaster is broken so no bagels

 **Lank:** I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAt

 **Stoner:** with the toaster? Great

 **Stoner:** well I didn’t have any bagels to begin with so if you wanna bring some that would be great

 **Lank:** no

 **Stoner:** useless hoe

 **Lank:** I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE GF THING

 **Stoner:** no

 **Lank:** I have friend that I think you would get along with v well

 **Stoner:** _no_

 **Lank:** s h a y

 **Stoner:** n o

 **Stoner:** im not looking for more heartbreak

 **Daddy:** more? heartbreak?

 **Stoner:** did I say heartbreak? hahahahaha silly me

 **Stoner:** Im as high as a kite

 **MattyB:** classic shay

 **Stoner:** yup, classic me

 

 

_**Shiro to S** _ _**hay** _

**Shiro:** I THINK IVE FIGURED IT OUT

 **Shay:** THE MOON IS A HOLOGRAM

 **Shiro:** no

 **Shay:** disappointing

 **Shay:** what did you figure out

 **Shiro:** YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ALLURA

 **Shay:** wow

 **Shay:** wanna gold star or smth

 **Shiro:** I would love one

 **Shiro:** but idk shay, maybe meeting this girl that lance is talking about will help? Allura seems to really like this Lotor dude

 **Shay:** yeah I know, I have to hear about how hes so pretty all of the fucking time

 **Shiro:** :( that must suck for you

 **Shay:** IT DOES

 **Shiro:** do you want me to come over with some ice cream?

 **Shay:** bring some for Matt too

 **Shiro:** that slut doesnt deserve any

 **Shay:** what did he do?

 **Shiro:**   _ate my cool ranch doritos_

 **Shay:** whata whore

 **Shiro:** RIGHT

 

 

_**So No Head???** _

**Lank:** OH COME ON SHAY!!!

 **Lank:** shes super pretty! And nice! And single and nice and pretty and a stoner

 **Stoner:** ah fuck

 **Lank:** I WANNA INTRODUCE YOU TWO! HER NAME IS ROMELLE

 **Bonk:** _Lance, the more of my employes you introduce to our friends, the less they WANNA ACTUALLY FUCKING WORK_

 **Lank:** LISSEN, I DIDNT KNOW LOTOR AND ALLURA WOULD FALL IN LOVE

 **Allurable:** _woah there_

 **Bonk:** ROMELLE IS MY PRIDE AND JOY, LANCE

 **Lank:** I KNOW BUT HEAR ME OUT

 **Bonk:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Allurable:** I keep forgetting that Hunk kinda owns the yellow cafe

 **Bonk:** yeah and more of my employes are getting lives so business has been hard

 **Kink:** ,,,,whens the last time i went into work?

 **Allurable:** its been 5 days keith

 **Kink:** WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING

 **Allurable:** BECAUSE ROLLO WAS MORE THAN HAPPY TO TAKE YOUR SHIFTS

 **Kink:** WHATA FUCKING CUNT

 **Kink:** wait,,,is this why i have 74 missed calls from Coran

 **Allurable:** IMMA GUESS YES, YOU BETTER BE HERE TOMORROW OR ELSE

 **Kink:** OR ELSE W H A T

 **Allurable:** I’LL MAKE YOU WATCH THE MICE

 **Kink:** OH YOU FUCKERR

 **Allurable:** THATS NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR BOSS

 **Bonk:** I mean, i’m lances boss and he tells me to suck his dick all the time

 **Lank:** hEY

 **MattyB:** HEY THATS PIDGES JOB

 **Burb:** STOP

 **Adamn:** waitwait wait

 **Adamn:** hold this thought process

 **MattyB:** holding

 **Adamn:** Matt, you said that,,you walked into your home and Hunk and keith were basically fucking each other on the couch

 **MattyB:** I mean yeah, their tongues were down each others throats but I didn’t think anything of it

 **Kink:** thats my cue to leave this conversation

 **Bonk:** hahhahahah right behind you buddy!

 **Stoner:** b u d d y

 **Daddy:** fdhdsj

 **Allurable:** WOAH HOLD YOUR HORSES PARTNER

 **Burb:** never say that again

 **Allurable:** you cant tell me what to do

 **Burb:** wanna bet

 **Allurable:** b e t

 **Burb:** im kidding ily live your best life queen

 **Allurable:** I LOVE YOU TOO QUEEN

 **Burb:** <3

 **Allurable:** <3

**Lank:**

**Lank:** hahhahah im in danger

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anybody can be that guy.  
> the night is young and the musics  
> hIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH


	24. ThEy KiSs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big uwu vibes lads,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE WAIT, THIS TAKES PLACE RIGHT AFTER THE LAST CHAPTER IM SORRY IM A WHORE

**_So No Head???_ **

**Daddy:** KEITH HUNK GET BACK HERE AND E X P L A IN

**Long:** AMERICA EXPLAIN

**Burb:** WHY IS THIS ONE KANSAS BUT THIS ONE IS NOT ARK-KANSAS

**MattyB:** I AM CONFUSION. 

**Allurable:** looks like i’m gonna have to kill you three

**Long:** POETIC CINEMA

**Burb:** ROMEO AND JULIET STYLE BUT WITH MATT TOO

**MattyB:** FUK YEAH BOI

**Kink:** idk why you all are focused on me and hunk when its gay month now

**Bonk:** omG HAPPY PRIDE MONTH GUYS!!!

**Allurable:** FUCK THEY KNOW OUR WEAKNESSES

**Daddy:** ITS TIME TO BE GAY ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIAS AND PISS OFF THE RELATIVES

**Adamn:** FUCK YEAH, LETS GO BB

**Long:** FUCK

**Long:** ANY OTHER TIME I WOULD LOVE THIS CONVO, BUT KEITH IM NOT WEAK LIKE THE OTHERS

**Kink:** fuck

**Long:** EXPLAIN

**Kink:** WE KISSED ALRIGHT?

**Bonk:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Bonk:** totally platonic 

**Kink:** said no homo afterward

**MattyB:** is that why hunk fell off the couch from laughing too hard before I left?

**Kink:** LISSEN

**Stoner:** FINALLY

**Stoner:** FUCKING

**Stoner:** FINALLY

**Burb:** I can’t believe this, on the good day of the gay

**Kink:** it kinda just

**Kink:** happened

**Stoner:** does this mean you are dating now?

**Kink:** No.

**Bonk:** Keith says we can’t date until he takes me out and treats me right

**Long:** its what you deserve

**Kink:** its what you deserve

**Kink:**

**Kink:** wait a minute

**Long:** Hunk will always be my first love, square up bitch

**Kink:** I can’t fight you, you’re too pretty

**Long:** ….what is this

**Allurable:** klance is canon king

**Stoner:** KICK

**Allurable:** KICK

**Daddy:** MORE LIKE HICK, DONT RUIN THIS FOR ME FUCKERS

**Bonk:** for YOU? DONT TAKE KEITH FROM ME LANCE

**Burb:** DONT TAKE LANCE FROM ME KEITH

**Long:** Pidge I wont leave u for keith

**Long:** ….I love you 3000

**MattyB:** OH YOU MOTHER FUCKER

**MattyB:** YOUU TRYAN FUCKING DIE BITCH

**MattyB:** ILL FUCKING BREAK YOUR NICO NICO KNEECAPS BITCH

**MattyB:** FUCKING TEST ME BROTHER YOU SJYST CROSSED HE FUCKNG LINE 

**MattyB:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Kink:** oh you’ve really done it this time

**Allurable:** ,,,,Lance,,,,,,,,,,,HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

**Long:** :)

**Burb:** ,,,,,,,lets get some cheeseburgers, lance

**MattyB:** YOU WHORE

**Burb:** HAHSHHH

  
  


 

**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Keef:** hol up, where the fuck did u go

**Hunky:** the potty

**Keef:** Hurry up am cold

**Keef:** am baby and baby is cold

**Keef:** cold

**Keef:** cold baby

**Hunky:** yes baby, i will come and warm you in a second

**Keef:** :)

**Hunky:** _spoiled bitch_

**Keef:** HEY

**Hunky:** BUT THE BEST BABY OUT THERE

**Keef:** THIS IS TOO MUCH STOP IT

**Hunky:** FTYGUH

**Keef:** I DONT WANNA BE LIKE ALLURA AND HAVE A DADDY KINK, STOP THIS SINNING

**Hunky:** YOU STARTED IT

**Keef:** I WAS JOKING

**Hunky:** ok but on a more serious note,,,,what petnames do you like

**Keef:** uhhh,,,idk

**Hunky:** because i will most likely call you All Of Them

**Keef:** I think the only one I don’t really like is babe, but like in verbal form. It can be texted but something about it makes me cringe in irl

**Hunky:** noted

**Hunky:** I can already tell that I’m gonna be calling you muffin a lot

**Keef:** huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunk

**Hunky:** :)

**Keef:** I’m going to solely call you honey 

**Hunky:** love that for me

**Keef:** :)

  
  


 

**_Bro_ **

**Shark Bro:** I NEED THE DEETS

**Rock Bro:** WE WERE JUST CHILLING ON THE COUCH, YKNOW, CUDDLING AND I WAS PLAYING WITH HIS HAIR AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW HE LOOKS AT ME AND I LOOK AT HIM AND BOOM, LIPS LOCKED

**Shark Bro:** wow i got that out of you easier than i expected 

**Rock Bro:** HE KISSED ME LANCE!!!!! WE KISSED!!!!! AND HE LIKES TO BE CALLED MUFFIN!!! AND HE CALLS ME HONEY!!!! AND HIS LIPS WERE SO SOFT!!!! AND HIS HANDS FELT REALLY NICE ON MY FACE!!!! W E  K I S S E D

**Shark Bro:** oh boy

**Rock Bro:** AND WHN MATT CAME IN WE LIKE, PULLED AWAY FROM EACH OTHER AND MATT STARTED SCREAMING ABOUT HIS GF AND KEITH JUST LOOKED AT ME WITH THE MOST ADORABLE FLUSTERED LOOK AND I SWEAR TO GOD HES GONNA KILL ME

**Shark Bro:** awwww

**Rock Bro:** everything is going so well, i wanna marry him

**Shark Bro:** FGHHUFDJI AM I THE BEST MAN?

**Rock Bro:** OF COURSE!!!!

**Shark Bro:** for real tho, im happy that this is happening, this will be good for you guys

**Rock Bro:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Shark Bro:** <3

**Rock Bro:** <33333

  
  
  


 

**_The Kogays_ **

**Takashit:** Acxa!!!!

**Kiki:** oh no shiro bls

**Axe:** WHATS HAP

**Takashit:** KEITH GETTING DICK

**Kiki:** NO ONE IS GETTING ANY DICK

**Axe:** SPILL THOSE BEANS TAKASHIT

**Kiki:**  I HATE YOU BOTH

**Takashit:** 1\. We found out a while ago that you’re dating Adam’s cousin

**Axe:** ,,,,waht

**Takashit:** 2!!!!! KEITH IS GAY AND HAS A GUY PAL

**Axe:**  GASP I MUST MEET

**Takashit:** Crayola already met him and LOVES him

**Axe:** IF MOM LIKES HIM HE MUST BE A KEEPER

**Kiki:** HE IS BUT STOP THIS NONSENSE

**Takashit:** NEVER

**Axe:** OVER MY DEAD BODY

**Axe:** I must meet

**Axe:** WAIT IF I COME TO TOWN YOU GUYS CAN FINALLY MEET RONNIE!!!!!!!!!!!

**Kiki:** yeah lol im best friends with her lil bro now

**Axe:** wh

**Axe:** what

**Kiki:** yeah we watch gossip girl together and im with his bff

**Axe:** LANCE? YOU’RE WITH H U N K????????????

**Kiki:** ah shit

**Axe:** WHATA FUCKING CATCH

**Axe:** I AM MOST DEF COMING DOWN SOON

**Takashit:** :)

  
  
  


 

**_McClain Clan_ **

**Ronnie:** sup sluts

**Lance:** oh boy

**Rachel:** no pls

**Ronnie:** I’m coming down soon with the gf, a little birdy told me that you’re best pals with her bro

**Lance:** lissen

**Ronnie:** and that adam is dating her older bro

**Adam:** hey

**Ronnie:** why didnt anyone inform me of this

**Lance:** cuz we dont like u

**Adam:** because i am an adult and dont need to inform anyone of my relationships

**Adam:** also cuz i dont like u

**Ronnie:** pussy ass bitch

**Rachel:** YGUHIJ 

**Ronnie:** OK BUT IM COMING DOWN, WE’RE STAYING AT AXCA’S BROS PLACE AND IM GOING TO MEET EVERYONE 

**Lance:** ,,,,keith or shiros?

**Ronnie:** keiths

**Lance:** FUCK

**Ronnie:** ??

**Lance:** his roommate is my gf’s brother

**Ronnie:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FRIEND GROUP

**Adam:** a living hell run while you still can

  
  


 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Kink:** bad news

**Lank:** REAL BAD NEWS

**Adamn:** this is no bueno

**Kink:** my sister,,,,,and her gf (who happens to be lances sister) are coming to town and they are staying with matt and i

**MattyB:** SINCE WHEN, ACXA HURTS MY FEELINGS

**Kink:** JUST BECAUSE SHE BEAT YOU AT RAINBOW ROAD DOESNT MEAN ANYHIGN

**MattyB:** SHE CRUSHED ME KEITH

**Kink:** ENOUGH MATT

**MattyB:** f i ne 

**Lank:** Pidge, love of my life, apple to my eye, fiona to my shrek

**Burb:** omg what

**Lank:** _we must run away so she never finds us_

**Adamn:** Veronica is a little bitch 

**Bonk:** gasp

**Bonk:** ronnie is coming to town????

**Bonk:** i cant wait to see her!!!

**Kink:** hunk no, if u see her that means you see my sister and i dont want her to ruin you

**Bonk:** ,,,,when are they coming

**Kink:** no

**Lank:** not gonna happen bro

**Adamn:** this sunday

**Kink:** ADAM

**Stoner:** *gasp* A D A M

**Daddy:** ily

**Stoner:** ily2

**Daddy:** HAHAHAHH

**Kink:** OH LANCE YOU DIDNT KNOW?

**Daddy:** wait…

**Kink:** THIS IS ALL SHIROS FAULT

**Lank:** WHAT

**Kink:** HE TEXTED OUR FAM GC AND WAS LIKE “KEITH IS GAY AND IS ALL UWU FOR SOMEONE” AND ACXA WAS LIKE “LMAO BET TIME TO RUIN HIS LIFE”

**Bonk:** awwwww, i would love to meet your sister

**Kink:** HUNK THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO MAKE ME BLUSH, SHUT UP RUHEIJ

**Bonk:** no way, darling, i am meeting sister

**Kink:** _hunky pls_

 **Bonk:** _I’m sorry muffin, it has to be this way_

**Kink:** IM RIGHT NEXT TO YOU AND ABOUT TO LOSE MY MARBLES

**Bonk:** do it, bet u wont

**Kink:** bet?

**Burb:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand they’re fucking

**Kink:** No promises!

**Stoner:** FTGYUHIJFGHDFJNJ

**MattyB:** ,,,,,anyway shay shiro and i are going to see detective pikachu

**Allurable:** Adam and I are getting our nails did

**Adamn:** and then we’re going out to lunch uwu

**Burb:** im gonna go fuck lance

**Lank:** YOU’RE GONNA WHAT

**Burb:** and by fuck i mean cuddle and love and give some nice kisses

**Lank:** ah

**Lank:** sounds heavinly 

**Stoner:** all this het speak is making me sick, I’m leaving with my boyfriends

**Daddy:** peace out sluts

**MattyB:** uwu

**Stoner:** xoxo

**Allurable:** Are me and Adam the only adults here?

**Adamn:** yup. 

**Allurable:** cool, lets get fucked up

**Adamn:** YUP!

 

* * *

 

 

**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Hunky:** where did YOU go

**Keef:** I had to run to the store real quick for some ice cream! Omw back rn

**Hunky:** I woke up and *poof* no keith

**Keef:** I thought I would be back before you got up, sorry hunky

**Hunky:** mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmiss you

**Keef:** i’m literally five minutes away, babe

**Hunky:** MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM TOO LONG

**Keef:** omg and you say IM the spoiled one

**Hunky:** Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm am cold and missing keef

**Keef:** IM ALMOST THERE BABE, IM SPEED WALKING

**Hunky:** MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

**Keef:** god you’re gonna be the death of me

**Hunky:** :)

**Keef:** at least i’ll die a happy man

**Hunky:** OH YOU’RE SMOOTH

**Keef:** ;)

**Hunky:** but seriously hurry up i wanna Kiss You

**Keef:** am running. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> young and sweet
> 
>  
> 
> anyway, follow me on twitter @Hootnooot (My name's Khia uwu)


	25. gaye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA im so sorry for the shitty summaries, too much happens in each chapter I don't know what to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcc bacc to the snacc attacc
> 
> anyway, its 2:23 in the morning and I crave death and a milkshake. 
> 
> this chapter is too long to proofread, so if there are any mistakes just go with it

**_So No Head???_ **

**Daddy:** shay has an unhealthy obsession with twilight and robert pattinson

**Stoner:** YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDNT SAY ANYTHING

**Daddy:** YEAH BUT YOU JUST GOT A FUCKING HUGE ASS POSTER OF BELLA AND EDWARDS WEDDING PHOTO AND PUT IT NEXT TO YOUR BED

**Allurable:** shay,,,I thought we talked about this

**Stoner:** LEAVE ME ALONE, HES BEAUTIFUL, THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL, HIS S M I L E

**Stoner:** MY BODY DOESNT KNOW HOW TO REACT TO IT

**Kink:** DID SOMEONE FUCKING SAY EDWARD CULLEN

**MattyB:** oh here we go

**Kink:** I WOULD DIE FOR HIM

**Stoner:** rigHT SFHUSIJD

**Lank:** OK HES HOT BUT J A C O B

**Stoner:** I LITERALLY CANT DECIDE BETWEEN THEM I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH IM-

**Stoner:** when I was a smol I was 100% team jacob but then i grew up,,,,and  _ fuck me edward _

**Lank:** VALID AS FUCKC

**Stoner:** ok but like i have a problem whenever he smiles I legit  _ scream _ idk how to function

**Kink:** Robert Pattinson and Tom Holland have the same smile, come at me

**Stoner:** OH MY GOD THEY DO

**Lank:** THEY BOTH HAVE THAT ADORABLE WIDE SMILE IM-

**Stoner:** I think its hotter when edward smiles because hes supposed to be like  _ dark and mysterious _ but in reality hes a big ole teddy bear. 

**Bonk:** _do you mean:_ ** _Keith?_**

**Daddy:** keith

**Allurable:** keefems

**Adamn:** 100%

**Lank:** NOW THAT YOU SAY IT KEITH KINDA HAS THAT SAME SMILE

**Kink:** hol up

**Bonk:** that could explain why i find him so sexy

**Kink:** _hol up_

**Burb:** hfdjk 

**Stoner:** I’m

**Bonk:** :)

**Kink:** since when am I sexy, I thought I was cute

**Allurable:** BITCH HAHAH

**Lank:** LMAO YEAH YOU T H O U G H T 

**MattyB:** PSSSH

**Burb:** keith,,,my man

**Stoner:** u sexy as fuck brother

**Kink:** wh

**MattyB:** that thing you do with your hands when your thinking?

**Allurable:** SEXY AS FUCK

**Stoner:** when he bites his lip when hes mad

**Lank:** THE SEXIEST

**Bonk:** when he puts his hair up super slowly

**Burb:** jesus take the wheel sexy

**Kink:** whats happening

**Daddy:** idk but i dont like it

**Adamn:** its pretty sexy when u crack your knuckles

**Bonk:** OH GOD YES

**Daddy:**  aDAM NOT YOU TOO

**Adamn:** :]

**Stoner:** dont worry shiro, youre still the sexiest man alive

**Allurable:** THATS TRUE

**MattyB:** Keith may be sexy but shiro is  _ S _ exy

**Daddy:** thanks?

**Kink:** I hate this

**Stoner:** lets put it this way,

**Stoner:** Keith is Liam Hemsworth and Shiro is Chris Hemsworth

**Allurable:** oh my

**Bonk:** YOU CRACKED THE CODE

**Kink:** shiro they found us out

**Daddy:** _run_

**Adamn:** GHFDJI

**Allurable:** I can’t believe this

**Burb:** if they’re the hemsworth bros,,,,

**Lank:** FRIEND GROUP AS MARVEL ACTORS, G O 

**Bonk:** shiro is RDJ

**Adamn:** agreed

**Lank:** adam is Chris Evans

**Burb:** mhm

**Stoner:** Lance is either tom holland or chris pratt

**Lank:** I’m honored

**Allurable:** Um, lance is tom, hunk is Jacob Batalon and pidge is zendaya

**Burb:** fuck thats kinda perfect

**Stoner:** keith is Sebastian Stan

**Kink:** well fuck

**MattyB:** Shay is Brie Larson

**MattyB:** Allura is Tessa Thompson

**Bonk:** Matt is either Anthony Macky or Chris Pratt

**Burb:** chris pratt.

**MattyB:** wow

**Stoner:** I’m honored 

**Allurable:** wow i'm a queen

**Adamn:** yes u r work it sis

**Stoner:** ok but whoever just hacked Cole Sprouses twitter needs to fucking CHILL

**Kink:** ghureiw

 

 

**_Bro_ **

**Shark Bro:** hey dude wanna hang out today?

**Rock Bro:** Lance,,,we live together

**Shark Bro:** OH SHIT I MEANT TO TEXT KEITH

**Rock Bro:** WOW OK I SEE HOW IT IS, MAKING PLANS WITH MY MAN, HUH?

**Shark Bro:** LISSEN

**Rock Bro:** I UNDERSTAND, BRO, I’LL JUST LEAVE YOU TO IT

**Shark Bro:** BRO IT AINT LIKE THAT

**Rock Bro:** MAYBE ILL JUST TEXT YOUR GIRL AND SEE IF SHE WANNA CHILL

**Shark Bro:** BRO IT AINT THAT DEEP

**Rock Bro:** NO CAP DUDE, BOUT TO SLIDE INTO YOUR CHICKS DM’S

**Shark Bro:** OH YOU’RE GONNA PLAY LIKE THAT BRO?

**Rock Bro:** no fdhjs

**Shark Bro:** fjdkj

**Shark Bro:** but seriously, i meant to text keith because I need someone to watch Phantom of the Opera with

**Rock Bro:** ew

**Shark Bro:** THATS EXACTLY WHAT PIDGE SAID

**Rock Bro:** fhdj

**Shark Bro:** u should actually ask her to hang out tho, I know she’s just gonna stay inside rewatching David Dobrik’s vlogs 

**Rock Bro:** bet ill join her

**Shark Bro:** but-

**Rock Bro:** and ill make her go outside

**Shark Bro:** my bb needs some mcfucking sunlight

**Rock Bro:** so does mine, the fuck

**Shark Bro:** wow, we really out here falling for the palest mother fuckers-

**Rock Bro:** our ancestors would be disappointed 

**Shark Bro:** fuck them ghosts

**Rock Bro:** my boy just said “fuck them ghosts”

**Shark bro:** hey there demons, its me, ya boi

**Rock bro:**  FHDISJOA

**Shark Bro:** :)

**Shark Bro:** which reminds me, I gotta get Keith into Buzzfeed Unsolved, he’s gonna love that shit

**Rock Bro:** he will

**Shark Bro:** kk, ttyl xoxo

**Rock Bro:** b b b my bff

**Shark Bro:** CUZ IDK WHATS COMING NEXT

**Rock Bro:** OK IM DONE

**Shark Bro** : COWARD

**Rock Bro:** YOU BET

**Shark Bro:** FTYGUHIJOK

  
  


 

**_Klance is canon king_ **

**Lance:** you free today dude

**Keith:** for you? Always

**Lance:** gasp

**Keith:** :)

**Lance:** thats pretty gay, not gonna lie

**Keith:** well thats fitting

**Lance:** fghfds

**Lance:** anyway, do you wanna hang out and watch Phantom of the Opera with me?

**Keith:** bet, come over I have the bigger TV

**Lance:** omw 

**Keith:** also bring one of Hunk’s sweaters, I miss him

**Lance:** You saw him yesterday, Keith

**Keith:** and?

**Lance:** keith, my man

**Keith:** I’ll show you small pidge

**Lance:** Pidge? Smaller than she is now???

**Keith:** y e s 

**Lance:** you drive a hard bargain my pal

**Keith:** :]

**Lance:** fine smh

**Keith:** cool, I’ll order some chinese food and start making our blanket nest

**Lance:** i stg we’re platonic soulmates

**Keith:** I think we are 

**Lance:** I love you, man

**Keith:** I love you too

**Lance:** no homo tho

**Keith:** no homo

**Lance:** okie, am leaving now, bromeo

**Keith:** see you in a hot minute brotatochip

**Lance:** skeet skeet

**Keith:** yeet

 

 

 

**_Nerds_ **

**Hunk:** wanna hang out today, watch some youtube, then go take some aesthetically pleasing photos to prove to everyone that we’re better than them?

**Pidge:** god, you know the way to my heart

**Hunk:** Cool, I’ll be over in 20?

**Pidge:** why are u coming here? Why cant i come there?

**Hunk:** 1\. You live near pretty views

**Hunk:** 2\. Lance took all of our fluffy blankets to Keiths place

**Pidge:** what

**Hunk:** yeah man, I guess they’re like fucking nerds

**Pidge:** yeah man, damn

**Pidge:** our boyfriends are in love with each other 

**Hunk:** hes not my boyfriend

**Pidge:** not your boyfriend  _ yet _

**Hunk:** exactly

**Pidge:** I still don’t understand why you guys are waiting

**Hunk:** honestly? I don’t fully get it, but he really has his mind set on “treating me right” and actually going through the process and doing romantic shit before putting labels on us

**Pidge:** can I be real for a hot sec?

**Hunk:** bet

**Pidge:** I’ve known keith since I was 9

**Pidge:** I think he thinks he's doing this to be all cheesy and stuff, but in reality he’s waiting to give you an opportunity to back away

**Hunk:** wha

**Pidge:** he has a fear of rejection and abandonment issues, so he’s giving you time to rethink your decisions before you commit to each other. 

**Hunk:** thats- really deep

**Hunk:** AND NOW IM SAD PIDGE

**Pidge:** FHUIDJS DONT BE

**Pidge:** Him doing this just means that he really likes you and doesn't wanna pressure you into doing anything you’re not down for

**Pidge:** hes a big ole softy thats just kinda sad

**Hunk:** AND THAT MAKES ME REALLY SAD

**Pidge:** If you come over and I show you pictures of pre-puberty Keith will that make you feel better?

**Hunk:** yes. 

**Pidge:** cool, get over here, nerd

**Hunk:** one sec gotta wait for the cupcakes to cool so I can frost them

**Pidge:** YOU MADE CUPCAKES?

**Hunk:** what else would I be doing on a tuesday afternoon?

**Pidge:** eye-

**Pidge:** just hurry up bitch

**Hunk:** will do

  
  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Lank:** WHY DID I JUST WALK INTO KEITH’S APPARTMENT TO FIND HIM DANCING IN HIS PJ’S WHILE AGGRESIVLY SINGING ALONG TO TAYLOR SWIFT

**Lank:** awww, he looks so soft tho

**Bonk:** OMG DID YOU GET PICS

**Lank:** ILL DO YOU ONE EVEN BETTER

**_Lank sent a video: Keith being Keith_ **

**Kink:** this is homophobia 

**Bonk:** wow I-

**Bonk:** you’re so cute im-

**Bonk:** you have a really nice singing voice what-

**Bonk:** I need a moment

**Daddy:** awwww, my baby bro

**Adamn:** so cute

**Kink:** I’m confused, How am I cute and sexy?

**MattyB:** you just are, fucking deal with it

**Kink:** _wait, matt,,,,where are you_

**MattyB:** thats for me to know and you to not

**Kink:** gotcha

**Burb:** fhdijs Hunk machine broke

 

 

 

**_Bro_ **

**Shark Bro:** on a scale of 1-10 how broke r u rn

**Rock Bro:** 74.2

**Shark Bro:** jesus

**Rock Bro:** Lance I,,,I think I love him

**Shark Bro:** WOAH

**Shark Bro:** yeah you most def do

**Rock Bro:** is this rushing it?

**Shark Bro:** I don’t think so? I mean you’ve known each other for a good hunk of time (heh) and you guys have such a good bond its unbelievable

**Rock Bro:** now im getting emo

**Shark bro:** dont-

**Rock Bro:** hhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuah

**Shark Bro:** I’m leaving now

**Rock Bro:** xoxo

**Shark Bro:** sigh

  
  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

**Stoner:** WOW KEITH SURE IS CUTE AND ALL

**Stoner:** BUT!!!

**Stoner:** GUESS WHO JUST GOT A FUCKING DATE, BITCHES

**Daddy:** WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Lank:** I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW

**MattyB:** SPILL THOSE FUCKING BEANS BITCH

**Allurable:** oh?

**Stoner:** YEAH, CUTE CAFE GIRL JUST GAVE ME HER NUMBER, BITCHES

**Lank:** ROMELLE??????????/

**Stoner:** YOU KNOW IT, SLUT

**Bonk:** ANOTHER ONE OF MY WORKERS I-

**Lank:** HOW THE FUCK-

**Daddy:** HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DO THIS?

**Stoner:** do u wanna know shiro?  _ Do you really wanna know? _

**Daddy:** well now I’m kinda scared

**Adamn:** I wanna know

**Allurable:** so do I

**Stoner:** _she complimented my TWILIGHT SHIRT_

**Daddy:** eye

**Burb:** HHAHAHAHHA

**Kink:** ICONIC QUEEN

**Stoner:** we talked a bit about our love for the Cullen’s fam and then she was like “hahha, you’re so fun to talk to, can I get your number” and I was like “gfdjkbehhufs yes ma’am”

**Lank:** WOW FHEDJS LOVE THAT FOR YOU

**Allurable:** haha, thats amazing!

**Stoner:** yeah, im egg cited

**Allurable:** I’m glad!!!

**Allurable:** truly!!

**Stoner:** !!!

**Adamn:** MY DAUGHTER IS GROWING UP!!!!

**Lank:** I’m so happy I’m gonna scream

**Kink:** please don’t I’m right next to you

**Kink:** ah

**Kink:** whata bitch

**Adamn:** he just screamed to piss you off, didn’t he?

**Kink:** yes and now he’s sitting in the hallway of shame

**MattyB:** its what he deserves

**Lank:** rude

**Stoner:** anyway! What are yall up to?

**MattyB:** NOCARA IS BACK IN TOWN, WE’RE GOING OUT TO EAT AND WATCH A MOVIE AND THEN C U D D L E, GOD I MISSED HER SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Daddy:** I still can’t believe I haven’t met her yet

**MattyB:** shes a cryptid, she’s only seen when she wants to be

**Burb:** she’s amazing and honestly so fucking pretty????

**Lank:** I’ve met her and like,,,,idk how Matt did it

**Daddy:** shes  _ that _ hot?

**Lank:** BRO SHE STRAIGHT UP LOOKS LIKE A GODDESS

**Burb:** SHES LITERALLY THE PERFECT HUMAN BEING

**MattyB:** she be blushing reading this shit

**Burb:** tell her that I love her

**MattyB:** she said, and I quote “Tell Pidge that i would rob the Met Gala for her!”

**Adamn:** love that

**Kink:** tell her that she’s a little bitch

**MattyB:** Hi!!! This is currently Nocara, taking over for Matthew. And It’s so nice hearing that my cryptid status is still strong! Also Lance!! Pidge!! Ily both thank you!!!

**MattyB:** as for you keith, I won’t hesitate bitch!!! I have the power of god AND anime on my side!!!!

**MattyB:** xoxo-Nocara

**Stoner:** whata women

**Daddy:** I now see why she might like Matt

**Kink:** Mhmm

**MattyB:** I’m back and in love

**Adamn:** yucky

**Daddy:** ok, wow

**Adamn:** IM KIDDING, COME CUDDLE ME

**Daddy:** ok yes please

**Adamn:** ok we’re gonna watch Twilight now because Shay made me miss it

**Daddy:** I’m going to have an awful time!

**Adamn:** oh hush up

**Daddy:** :)

**Allurable:** Well, to continue your question, Shay

**Allurable:** I am doing absolutely nothing but I may invite the boyf over for some dinner

**Allurable:** haven’t had some one on one contact with him in a hot minute

**Burb:** you live your best life queen

**Allurable:** <3

**Burb:** <3

**Bonk:** Pidge and I are watching David Dobrik and getting ready to go outside and Explore

**Burb:** and by explore he means walk down the street and take some cute pics

**Bonk:** yup!

**Kink:** Lance and I are watching Phantom of the Opera and eating really awesome chinese food

**Lank:** 11/10

**Stoner:** sounds fun fhdjis I’m probably gonna go home and cry in the shower

**Allurable:** n

**Allurable:** boyf can wait, I’m coming over

**Stoner:** worm?

**Allurable:** we havent hung out in a while and I miss you uwu

**Stoner:** uwu I miss you too

**MattyB:** g a y e

**Allurable:** sigh

**Stoner:** hell yeah bitch

  
  
  


**_Allura to Lotor_ **

**Allura:** hello dear! I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house tomorrow and just have a chill day together?

**Lotor:** I would love that so much

**Lotor:** and by chill day you mean??

**Allurable:** sit around in comfy clothes and watch bad movies while eating junk food

**Lotor:** I’M ALL IN BEBE!

**Allura:** BET, SHOW UP IN YOUR PAJAMA’S OR YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED IN

**Lotor:** LMAO BET

**Allura:** I have to run right now though, I have to wax my friend’s leg hair

**Lotor:** that might be the most sexiest thing you have ever said to me

**Allura:** fhdsj

**Lotor:** I’ll see you tomorrow

**Allura:** :)

**Lotor:** :)

  
  
  
  


**_Romelle to Shay_ **

**Romelle:** Hello, is this Shay?

**Shay:** Howdy! Yes, tis

**Romelle:** great! I just wanted to see if you played me or not

**Shay:** ye have little faith

**Shay:** If I did that you would be texting Kars4Kids rn

**Romelle:** HAHA

**Romelle:** thats a good one, i might have to use it the next time some weirdo asks for my number

**Shay:** it works every time, dude

**Romelle:** I bet it does!

**Romelle:** I got a little side-tracked, but I actually came here to ask you a question

**Shay:** oh? Carry on

**Romelle:** fghdj How do you feel about the beach?

**Romelle:** specifically walks on the beach with picnics?

**Shay:** wow you just found my kink

**Romelle:** WHATD FJUUHRGTUEIWS

**Shay:** fghjdi too soon?

**Romelle:** NO IT WAS REALLY FUNNY IM FJDKS

**Shay:** fhijd

**Shay:** but yes, it sounds perfect

**Romelle:** k cool, just let me know when you’re free

**Shay:** Friday?

**Romelle:** 12?

**Shay:** perfect

**Romelle:** !!!!

**Romelle:** cool, but if you don’t wear your twilight shirt the whole deal is off

**Shay:** BITCH

**Romelle:** hAHAHAHAH

 

 

**_So No Head???_ **

**Allurable:** shay is staring at her phone like she’s about to make-out with it, send help

**Lank:** oh boy

**Bonk:** I SWEAR TO GOD IF ROMELLE ACTS LIKE THAT, YOU’RE ALL FIRED

**Lank:** BITCH

**Bonk:** MY PATIENCE IS RUNNING THIN

**Kink:** but u can’t fire lance

**Bonk:** _Lance u lucky bastard, you live to see another paycheck_

**Lank:** keith, my man, ily

**Kink:** ily2

**Lank:** no homo?

**Kink:** no homo.

**Burb:** _maybe no homo could be our always_

**MattyB:** I hate you all

**Allurable:** u know its serious when we finally break Matt

**Lank:** hfedijso

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Keef:** hey, do you wanna come over after you and Pidge are done hanging out?

**Hunky:** yeah, would love that, but only if you sing to me

**Keef:** wh

**Hunky:** u have pretty voice and am tired I wanna fall asleep to you singing

**Keef:** thats,,,,really cheesy wow I uh- wow

**Hunky:** I also wanna play with your hair and have you lay on my chest because I like it when you lay on my chest, its like my own personal blanket

**Keef:** _hunk_

**Hunky:** Plus I know you like it too, you always smile when we lay like that plus you do this really cute happy hum

**Keef:** _Hunk_

**Hunky:** wow I’m really sappy right now

**Keef:** YEAH YOU ARE WHAT THE DFHUISJ

**Keef:** rip my heart, just died from cuteness overload

**Hunky:** sorry I’m just really pooped out grjehrk

**Hunky:** i’m real tired because Pidge stole my wallet and tried buying out the whole ice cream stand, so I had to chase her for a real one

**Keef:** :( muffin, don’t be sorry I love it when you’re soft

**Hunky:** woah there, I thought muffin was my nickname for you

**Keef:** ik ik, but its cute and so are you

**Hunky:** wow

**Hunky:** making me blush in front of pidge like this

**Keef:** don’t worry, Lance is texting her in a minute, she will as bad as you soon enough

**Hunky:** lol

**Keef:** see you soon?

**Hunky:** see you soon. 

**Keef:** <3

**Hunky:** <3

 

 

**_Plants_ **

**_Laaaaaance changed their name to Lancelot_ **

**_Laaaaaance changed Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge’s name to_ ** **Pigeon** **_ <3_ **

**Pigeon** **_ <3 changed their name to _ ** **Pigeon**

**Lancelot:** but the heart :(

**Pigeon :** but u didn’t have the heart and i’m not letting you be soft on main

**Lancelot:** Pidge I would literally be soft anywhere for you

**Pigeon :** u stop that right now

**Lancelot:** but I don’t wanna

**Lancelot:** I love u lots and want you to know that

**Pigeon:** Lance, I know

**Pigeon:** I know and I love you too

**Lancelot:** I don’t think you know how much I love u tho

**Pigeon:** Lance i stg, I’m already in a soft mood don’t make me cry

**Lancelot:** come over?

**Lancelot:** I need to see you

**Pigeon:** yeah

**Pigeon:** yeah ok, I’ll be over in a minute

**Pigeon:** Hunk is heading out to go see Keith anyway

**Lancelot:** perfect

**Lancelot:** _just like you_

**Pigeon:** LANCE MCCLAIN KNOCK IT OFF OR SO HELP ME GOD

**Lancelot:** :) You love me

**Pigeon:** I Do!!!!

**Pigeon:** But I also won’t hesitate to lock you in the bathroom

**Lancelot:** rather be locked in there with you , but go off I guess

**Pigeon:** LANCE SERIOUSLY STOP FHUDIJS IM GEETING IN MY CAR NOW, STOP TRYING TO KILL ME

**Lancelot:** be safe, babe

**Lancelot:** see you soon

**Pigeon:** I will, I always am

**Pigeon:** I love you, lance

**Lancelot:** I love you more

**Pigeon:** I highly doubt that but I’ll let you win this time because I’m impatient and wanna kiss ur pretty face

**Lancelot:** I’ll be waiting  <3

**Pigeon:** <3

  
  


**_So No Head???_ **

**MattyB:** so much gaye

**MattyB:** gaye in the water

**MattyB:** gaye on the couch

**MattyB:** gaye all up in this pussy, boy

**MattyB:** you all blocked me. I understand and respect your choices. 

****MattyB:** goodnight thots and tater tots **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL I LIED TO YOU, MY TWITTER IS /N O T/ @HOOTNOOOT. ITS FUCKING @KHIAAKAWAII. I did not choose this name for myself, I was dared, I Do Not Back Down From A Dare. 
> 
> Also, it's hella funny seeing what I planned out for this story. Like I was gonna have Lotor be a cheating asshole and Romelle and Allura fall in love. Shay and Hunk were gonna be together. Pidge was gonna be alone. Adam and Shiro were not together but instead pinning messes. Keith and Lance fall in love. Yeah lmao, Idk man things might've been way different if I did that. Kinda glad I didn't. 
> 
> Also, I might start a new insta account just for my ao3 shit? because idk how popular this shit is gonna get but I do have a lot of stuff I wanna post that I can't post on my main (for aesthetic reasons) or on my spam (i dont want my irl's making fun of me lmao) so yeah idk
> 
> Also like  
> It's friday night and the lights are low


	26. *chicken noises*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit Goes Down (not really tho)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY PALS IM SO SORRY FOR YHE WAIT!!!!! I DIDNT HAVE A COMPUTER BUT NOW I DO SO ITS GROOVY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ITS SUPER FUCKING OLD IM GONNA KERMIT I STG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TRIED DOING IT ON MY PHONE BUT IT WAS TOO MUCH. ALSO I 100% SKIPPED OVER SHAYS BDAY (also mine, im 16 now uwu) BUT THATSn IRRELEVENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg I also missed Lances bday eye- im so sorry im such a bad mom. NEXT CHAPTER WILL NOT BE A MONTH AWAY!!!!!! My mom had a business trip so she had to take the computer with her, but IM BACK BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant believe I didnt post for a whole ass month I am worst mother

_ **So No Head???** _

**Lank:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THEY'RE CMING TODAY

 **Kink:** i dont wanna 

 **Daddy:** am eggcite

 **Adamn:** shut up u stupid bitch

 **daddy:** :(

 **Adamn:** am upset with u

 **daddy:** :[

 **Adamn:** ily i taike it back

 **daddy:** :)

 **Kink:** i dont, fuck u shiro 

 **Bonk:** am also eggcite

 **kink** : i cant be mad at you what the fuck

 **bonk** : :)

 **kink** : this homophobia

 **bonk** : at its finest ;)

 **MattyB** : im hiding in my room so acxa cant get me

 **kink** : we both know that that wont stop her

 **lank** : yeah also ronnie knows that ur pidges sister so shes gonna be all SVU on u

 **MattyB** : fuck this shit im going to nocaras

 **kink** : yoU CANT LEAVE ME ALONE

 **MattyB** : you're not alone, you have kosmo

 **Kink** : :(

 **Bonk** : ...i can come over?

 **Kink** : n O

 **Lank** : its too late he already left 

 **Kink** : >:(

 **Daddy** : ill come over just because i wanna see u suffer

 **Kink** : yeah why dont u bring adam with u?

 **Daddy** : hahhahahhano

 **Adamn** : omw

 **Daddy** : fuck

 **Kink** : pAybAckS a BiTcH

 **Daddy** : OH FUCK OFF

 **Allurable** : this is amusing

 **Stoner** : I wanna come meet the evil sisters

 **Kink** : bls no

 **Daddy** : welcoming party!!!

 **Allurable** : ill bring chips and dip!

 **Kink** : no-

 **MattyB** : LET THE WOMEN COME, KEITH

 **Kink** : oh god im-

 **Kink** : lance you better get over here

 **Lank** : hahhahahhahahahhahahno

 **Kink** : PLEASE

 **Lank** : i dont want pidge to interact with Veronica,,,,im terrified

 **Kink** :  _oh you didnt know?_

 **Lank** : wh-

 **Lank** : ,,,wait where is pidge

 **Burb** : lissen

 **Lank** : katie please dont tell me that youre at their house

 **Burb** : I've been here since 2 am

 **Lank** : wHY

 **Burb** : Because Matt made me

 **Lank** : Maaaaaaaaaatt

 **MattyB** : lissen 

 **MattyB** : she needed to see this new upgrade that this game got!

 **Kink** : aka he didnt wanna play alone because it's a scary game

 **MattyB** : OH FUCK U KOGANE

 **Kink** : the pleasure would be all mine

 **Bonk** : no-

 **Bonk** : ....keith....after everything we've gone 

 **Daddy** : Haha stupid bitch in trouble

 **Kink** : HUNKBERT

 **kink** : I was joking around, he means nothing to me I swear

 **MattyB** : wow okay

 **Stoner** : djdjjdjd

 **Bonk** : I dont know....

 **Kink** : hunky please, I would never

 **Bonk** : okay, i believe u

 **Kink** : :*

 **Bonk** : :*

 **Adamn** : what the everloving fuck just happened 

 **Kink** : magic

 **Allurable** : no,,,,more like really shitty role play 

 **Adamn** : aHA

 **Lank** : who ever let u 2 meet

 **Adamn** : you.

 **Lank** : ah, so I'm to blame

 **Lank** : get the stones, I'm ready for my death

 **Stoner** : stonings are my favorite way of execution!!!

 **Allurable** : calm down there psycho 

 **Burb** : NOTHING OF THE SORT WILL BE HAPPENING TODAY

 **Lank** : shameful 

 **Burb** : just!!!! Get over here!!!!!

 **Lank** : buuuut

 **Burb** : would u rather me meet ur sister without ur supervision?

 **Lank** : ....fuck

 **Allurable** : ahahah

 **Adamn** : anyway, I'm dragging shiro out of his apartment now

 **Daddy:** this is homophobia

 **Kink:** ....who is knocking

 **Bonk:** :)

 **Kink:** WAIT I THOUGHT U WERE JOKING

 **Bonk:** :))

 **Kink:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 

_**The Kogays** _

**Axe:** hey

 **Kiki:** pls no

**Takashit: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

**Axe:** wow, my own bros can't even say hi back, gosh

 **Kiki:** howdy

 **Axe:** eye-

 

 

** _So No Head???_ **

**Daddy:** keith just said howdy

 **Burb:** I can hear Lance choking

 **Bonk:** howdy? yeah hes husband material. 

 **Allurable:** grfhdjskk wow fhuidjssihd

 **Stoner:** dibs on the flower girl

 **Kink:** hey-

 **Kink:** eye-

 **Kink:** fuck you all

 **Daddy:** :)

 

 

** _The Kogays_ **

**Axe:** ,,,,anyway

 **Axe** : we're almost at your place, keith, a few more minutes

 **Kiki:** i just wanna let you know, that all of our friends are here because they are big meanies

 **Axe:** cool beans, brother

 **Takashit:** also matt is trying to hide so you cant get him

 **Axe:** oh, ill get that lil fucker

 **Kiki:** SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH

 

 

** _McClain Clan_ **

**Ronnie:** we're almost there!!!!

 **Rachel** : ,,,where

 **Ronnie** : keiths place!

 **Lance** : oh fuck no one invited Rachel

 **Rachel** : eye- how could you forget me we have the same face

 **Adam** : HAHA

 **Rachel** : Keiths place? as in Kogane?

 **Rachel** : cool, im on my way

 **Lance** : wait how do you know where keith lives-

 **Rachel** : his roommate used to be my mentor 

 **Lance** : matt- yknow it doesnt matter, just get over here

 **Rachel** : aight bet, i love me a party

 **Rachel** : McClain Out

 **Adam** : West Out

 **Lance** :  McClain Out

 **Ronnie** : why are you guys like this

 **Lance** : say it

 **Rachel** : yknow you wanna

 **Adam** : dont be a party pooper, say it

 **Lance** : SAY IT

 **Rachel** : do it or ur a chicken

 **Lance** : oOOOOOOOOooOOoooooOoooOoo

 **Adam** : BAWK bAwk ChiCkEn SOunDs 

 **Ronnie** : sigh

 **Ronnie** : I cant believe you guys 

 **Ronnie** : McClain out

 **Lance** : WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 

**_Kitchen Fire_ **

**Hunky:** hey, are you really that scared of me and your sister meeting?

 **Keef** : honestly? no not really

 **Keef** : if my hardcore mother likes you, my punk rock of a sister is sure to love you

 **Hunky** : rdfijferio

 **Keef** : I mean everyone loves you, you're perfect

 **Hunky** : well, i'm not so sure of that....

 **Keef** : hunk, you are literally the most important and perfect person ever

 **Hunky** : ufrhie thanks mufiin

 **Keef** : anytime, sugar

 **Keef** : but

 **Keef** : something IS wrong, isnt it hunky?

 **Hunky** : hehe

 **Hunky** : idk, I guess IM just a bit nervous? I know your family means a lot to you and I already know your mom and shiro, so idk, meeting your sister is kind of the make it or break it deal?

 **Kink** : Hunk, the rest of the  world could hate you but I would still be by your side

 **Kink** : besides, its like I said, everyone loves you

 **Hunky** : sounds fake, but go off

 **Keef** : YOU ARE LITERALLY PERFECT

 **Keef** : YOU ARE A LITERAL FALLEN ANGEL, I WOULD KNOW, GOD PERSONALLY TOLD ME HIMSELF

 **Hunky** : gfdhuisj yes, because you and god always talk. What do you guys do? Chat over tea?

 **Keef** : gASP WHO TOLD YOU

 **Hunky** : ygrdfhuijso

 **Keef** : but seriously shes gonna love you, no need to be nervous

 **Hunky** : okie dokie

 **Hunky** :....wait where are you

 **Keef** : I might not be scared of you meeting her, but i AM scared of HER

 **Hunky** :...get out of the closet keith

 **Keef** : no

 **Hunky** : ill give u some kisses

 **Keef** : damn youre good at this

 **Hunky** : :)

 

 

_**Plants** _

**Lancelot** : ok heres the sitch

 **Pigeon** : ready for it

 **Lancelot** : I'm not actually worried about you meeting ronnie, i mean i kinda am but also not? like idk you know how important my family is to me, but you are also super fucking important to me and idk it would like kill me if you guys dont get along and yeah, because i love you both so much and it would hurt me big time

 **Lancelot** : im overreacting arent i?

 **Pigeon** : very much so, babe

 **Lancelot** : yeah sounds about right

 **Pigeon** : everything is gonna work out just fine, lancey, ok?

 **Pigeon** : im sure me and your sister will get along just fine!

 **Pigeon** : stop all of your worrying

 **Pigeon** : you keep frowing like that you'll get wrinkles

 **Lancelot** : GASP

 **Lancelot** : you always know what to say to me uwu

 **Lancelot** : ily 

 **Pigeon** : i love you 2 lance

 **Lancelot** : love me enough to come over here and give me some sugar???????

 **Pigeon** : dont push your luck, McClain

 **Lancelot** : <333333333333333

 **Pigeon** : <3

 

 

**_ The Kogays _ **

**Axe:** WE'RE HERE BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

 

 

** _McClain Clan_ **

**Ronnie:** PARTY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

* * *

 

 

** _So No Head???_ **

**Allurable:** I cant believe you guys were so nervous! your sisters were great!!!!

 **Stoner** : I can't believe that lance has a hot twin sister and never told me about it

 **Allurable** : that too!!!!

 **Adamn** : I know that Allura and I are a powerhouse,,,,but damn her and ronnie are terrifying together

 **Lank** : retweet

 **Bonk** : I say that it went pretty well!!!

 **MattyB:**....i tried hiding but Acxa found me

 **Kink:** you know very well that she will always find u

 **MattyB:** why does she love bullying me

 **Burb:** because ur an easy target

 **MattyB:** DO U REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE YOUNG AND SHE CHASED ME WITH THAT RUBBER SNAKE FOR 15 MINUTES 

 **Burb** : yes, I gave her the idea

 **MattyB:** eye

 **Lank:** i didnt know that you and Axca already knew eachother,,,,,

 **Lank:** why are all of our relationships connected?

 **Daddy** : the universe is playing tricks on us

 **Kink** : .....hunk is my universe

 **Kink** : wait no ew im never saying that again

 **Bonk** : that was nasty

 **Bonk** : (youre my universe too)

 **Kink** : :)

 **Lank** : .....

 **Lank** ; KATIE

 **Burb** : yes, Lance

 **Lank** : I LOVE YOU KATIE

 **Burb** : I love you too, Lance

 **Daddy** : hey adam

 **Daddy** : fuck u

 **Adamn** : maybe later

 **Daddy** : eye

 **Adamn** : ily2 ;)

 **Daddy** : <3

 **Stoner** : .,,.........allura.....matt.....ily guys

 **Allurable** : ily2 bitch

 **MattyB** : fucking whores ily

 

** **

** _Plants_ **

**Lancelot:** that went,,,,,pretty well

 **Pigeon** : it did!!

 **Lancelot** : it seems as if you and my sister(s) got along pretty well

 **Pigeon** : I,,,actually had a lot of fun meeting them. Rachel is so sweet and shes so much like you in a goofy way. And Veronica is really cool

 **Pigeon** : I just hope they like me as much as I do them

 **Lancelot** : oh they do, trust me on this, baby 

 **Pigeon** :,,,hey, what do you say we get out of here?

 **Lancelot** : ditch this joint and go somewhere a bit more private? 

 **Lancelot** : and by private I mean where Hunk and Keith aren't being all uwu

 **Pigeon** : you read me so well

 **Lancelot** : its because im madly in love with you

 **Pigeon** : u G H lance save it  for when there's no one around to see me blush!

 **Lancelot** : Ill fucking scream how much I love you rn, I will

 **Pigeon** : LETS JUST GET OUT OF HERE

 **Lancelot** : gladly

 **Pigeon** : why are you smiling like thath fbdijoisk

 **Lancelot** : I think you know why

 **Pigeon** : yeah

 **Pigeon** : yeah I do

 

 

_**Kitchen Fire** _

**Keef:** r u still talking to Acxa in the kitchen?

 **Hunky** : mayhaps

 **Keef** : huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunk

 **Hunky** : whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

 **Keef** : Baby Is Cold

 **Keef** : I Am Baby

 **Hunky** : I thought you said we were done with that talk because you didnt wanna develop a daddy kink?

 **Keef** : IM COLD AND I MISS YOu

 **Hunky** : thats more like it

 **Hunky** : I would love to join you but your sister and I are having a conversation about Young Keith :)

 **Keef** ; ....im coming to get you

 **Hunky** : please I'm tired

 **Keef** : fhidj

 

 

** _Acxa to Veronica_ **

**Acxa:** that went really well, huh?

 **Veronica** : extremely!

 **Veronica** : I'm so happy that Lance has finally found someone who makes him happy

 **Veronica** : I mean, did you see the way he looked at her?

 **Acxa** : please, did you see the way _she_ looked at him?

 **Veronica** : plus shes so sweet and smart, they're so cute together

 **Veronica** :  _speaking of cute_

 **Veronica** : Hunk is adorable

 **Acxa** : when I was informed that keith had a boy toy, I was Not picturing someone like him

 **Acxa** : but omg I'm so happy that it IS him

 **Acxa** : hes so sweet and Keith is more than comfortable to be soft around him

 **Acxa** : Keiths had troubling relationships in the past, but this one

 **Acxa** : this one feels good. 

 **Veronica** : gosh im so happy

 **Acxa** : me too baby

 **Veronica** : also wow its so weird how all of our relationships are connected?

 **Acxa** : still gonna stab shiro for not telling me that hes dating ur cuz

 **Veronica** : so weird

 **Acxa** : the weirdest

 

* * *

 

 

** _Kitchen Fire_ **

**Keef:** shhhh, i know ur right next to me now

 **Keef** : but i think ur cute

 **Hunky** : i think ur cute too

 **Keef** : i like u a lot

 **Hunky** : I like u a lot too, keith

 **Keef** : :)

 **Hunky** : why didnt you just say this to me?

 **Keef** : because im tired and my voice will sound all groggy

 **Hunky** : do u mean cute?

 **Keef** : blocked

 **Keef** : STOP CUDDLING ME FIH

 **Hunky** : nope

 **Keef** : fine I surrender. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am a bad mother, i know, im sorry babes. But i really wanna make like an instagram account or maybe even a discord server so like,,,,i can talk to yall and tell yall when shit like this goes down. vOtE bElOw.
> 
> Also i was so close to finishing this chapter and accidentally closed the tab and lost most of my progress and I Started Crying
> 
>  
> 
> shes young and sweet


End file.
